Was doing sooo well. Now feel I,ve lost control.

duncans-mum_2

I need your help guys. Only in support and a bit of a*** kicking. Over the past few weeks I have been letting my control slide. All my utilities and stuff is still cut to the bone, but I have been spending a little here and a little there. Don't get me wrong, everything has been paid, although (guiltily) I may have just paid the min payments on one or two bills to give me extra spendies.

I know, I know I should know better. And its not as if my targets have been set too high. I had made the decision from the start of my lightbulb moment, that I don't mind my debt free date being a few months longer to give myself that little bit extra breathing space per month.

What has been my downfall?. Being too damn busy and stressed and not making the the time to keep track of my spending. Work is busy/ stressful and I'm there for 9.5 hours per day. Get home, cook tea, make sure house is reasonably tidy (this doesn't always get done:o ) Just general stuff that ALL people I'm sure do in a day but my head seems in such a fuddle at the moment that I never seem to have time to get organised and be able to remember everything that needs doing. I know I've managed it before, but I feel like I've hit a brick wall and can't organise myself to get over it.

Even in my more controlled days, my biggest problem is spending too much money on grocery shopping. I have tried meal planning, have scoured o/s board, and I still just can't do it. Its not necessarily causing me a monetary problem (at the moment) as I always find it from somewhere, its more the guilt of actually wasting money on shopping when other people on here do so well.

Has anyone else had this grocery shopping problem? And how (if you did) did you overcome this or get organised?

I just wanted to get that off my chest. Probably doesn't make sense, but just needed to tell someone, and you guys are the best I can think of on these matters....Thanks for listening.;)

In_Search_Of_Me

hey there DM. Firstly a big hug. Secondly dont panic. What you've experienced seems to be normal. You have the initial panic of debt then the sorting then some normality & then...things slide when you're lulled into a false sence of security! Just been there myself & suggest doing a spending diary and not being over generous with your DFW date slipping! Also set yourself little goals which are achievable. Can you batch cook & freeze stuff so that you've saved money & planned in advance for when you get home pooped after work (again not uncommon or unreasonable, esp if youre working that many hours!). Not sure of your situation but if you have an OH can he help practically more to take the pressure off you? Re grocery prob I think its about planning - I got this all wrong as shopped cooked pasta & bacon but no room in freezer for mince & chicken so in the bin they'll go - a total waste! Guess it just take time to change the habits of a lifetime so be gentle on yourself & make sure you get some chill time...stuff the housework - have a long soak in the bath & an early night instead & I'm sure you'll feel 100% better! Big squidgy hugs coming atcha!

cathybird

hi duncans-mum, don't be too hard on yourself... it's not always easy controlling spending tightly all the time. Often you want breathing space (well I do). The thing is, are your debts under control? are you meeting payments? are the debts steadily going down? if that's all OK then you're doing the basic thing right, it seems to me. yes we'd all like to get rid of our debts as quickly as possible, and it is the ideal thing to do, but I wouldn't flog yourself for being a bit discouraged now and then. I'm with fishface, sod the housework and have a bath. My place is messy!!!! And I don't even have kids!!!! Which you do, don't you? .... so you've got a proper excuse!!!! :grouphug:

duncans-mum_2

Thanks for the support you guys. And no, I don't actually have kids (Duncan is my cat!) so I'm afraid I am unable to use that as an excuse.

I think you hit the nail on the head, I was lulled into a false sense of security and didn't think I needed to bother as much, but luckily everything has still been paid and the debt has still reduced, although just not by as much as it should of I guess.

My OH does kinda try and take the pressure off but in a typical "man" way, which although the thought counts its usually quicker/easier to do it all myself. He is a very "laid back" kinda guy, whereas I am the worrier.

I'm gonna chill. Everything is paid up to date,and like I said debt hasn't actually gone up. I guess I have just panicked that I am not fulfilling my full potential.

I have booked a week off work this morning (although the soonest I could get was the end of next month) and I'm going to sit down and write loads of new lists/plan of action, so as I shall be able to do it relexed and with a clear head.
Thank you for the feedback, I just needed someone to talk to and understand me. I knew I could count on you.:A

x

loobyloo1980

Hi Duncan's mum,

I know exactly how you feel. I have been hanging on here for ages now, and have done loads to help me stay on the straight and narrow, but I still cannot quite get the hang of living on a shoe string for food. I have tried the grocery challenge again, and gone over it. I just don't know how people manage to feed a family on less than £250/£275 a month because we cut right back and still can't manage it. It does get me down. I have tried the batch cooking etc, but with a 5 month baby and 2 other kids, I rarely find the time to cook from scratch. I also devote all my spare time to study, so my housework goes to the bottom of the list. Everything gets paid, but I know that we spend more than i would like on shopping. It is just very difficult to change habits. I tried Aldi this week and hated it. I think we all slip occasionally xxxx

climbgirl

Hey, don't stress to much, everything is paid and your debt hasn't grown! You've just slipped off the wagon ever so slightly and by posting here you realise you need to get back on!

If you can, budget in a few treats for yourself, it makes a world of difference. Even if it's something tiny like a magazine or a coffee or something like that. It helps the temptation to blow out the budget somewhat.

With regards to the meal planning and the food budgetting, this is something that gets an awful lot easier with time. Don't try to do it all at once. Lower your food budget gradually, set little goals for yourself. Focus on one aspect of it and get that part down. For me, I was buying breakfast and lunch every day. So I started by keeping a box of cereal in my desk and using their milk and fruit. When that had become a habit, I started working on bringing my lunches in or making them cheaper. Baby steps....

cathybird

ooops sorry duncan's mum!!! I always assume that if anyone's called "xxxxxx's mum" that they've got kids!! well never mind - sod the housework anyway is what I say!!! how long have you had duncan? wot sort of cat is he? (ie tabby, ginger, siamese) ... nice to have a cat around the place... I've got two pet birdies so they'd quickly go down the hatch if I tried to own a cat I suspect, so I can't, but I love cats.

lil'H

Hello Duncan's Mum,

Don't panic, if you haven't increased your debt you must be doing better than you were at some point a while ago! If you are making your payments each month, and not spending any more on credit then you are reducing your debt, so you should feel proud of yourself.As with the grocery, know what you mean I can't seem to understand how other people do so well! Keep going, your back on it now and you will get there. Perhaps the most important thing for everyone on here is the realisation of no longer spending on credit.

lil'H

shopsalot

Hi Duncans Mum - must have been the day for it cos I fell of two wagons yesterday - healthy eating and spending budget.

Nothing in particular just in a bad mood when i got home from work - so i ate a massive spag bol - loads of cheese-mmmmmmmmm

then loads of win at the pub, bouthg for oh too as he is short of money also and i wanted to go out.

All in all too much cheese, wine and £40.

never mind though - just sell a couple of extra things on ebay, scout the freebies board for items also - then you can re-deem yourself!

We all need a little pick me up sometimes - otherwise what is life all about! As long as it is a one off an not a habit

cathybird

hello duncan's mum? ... are you feeling any better now?

duncans-mum_2

Hi, yes I'm feeling a bit better. I have taken a deep breath and thought that everything is paid as it should be, so not to overly worry about it until I can sit down and re-plan again clearly. I've managed it before, so I'm sure I can again. I still have got everything whizzing round in my head, but I know I have got a bit of a grace period to work out what I'm doing again.

I guess its good that I've had a bit of a panic, because ultimately I wasn't shirking my debts, its more about feeling guilty in myself for not keeping in control. Thats surely a good DFW sign I hope that the seed is planted in me and even if I take a bit of a detour, my conscience kicks me into touch.

Thanks again guys. Hopefully when I have sat down and re-done my lists, I shall be back with a vengeance.

x