need advice please

almostemptynest

First timer - so be gentle with me. For 12 years brought up my 2 kids with no financial help from ex - csa couldn't touch him as he works cash in hand. Youngest went to live with him a year ago and older son stayed with me. The eldest now about to go to uni + ex wants me to pay him through csa for youngest son who is 15 and dropped out of school ! Ex not short of cash but I am as eldest will need extra cash on top of uni loan. Whole thing seems very unfair. Any ideas ?

DaisyChainMaker

Oh hell .. I don't know what to suggest here, but didn't want to just read and run. I hope someone comes along with some ideas for you soon. Best of luck xx

missmontana

Suggest as you have one each that it cancels out any maintenance... or tell him you are going self employed...

Why has he allowed the 15 yr old to drop out of school?

PlayingHardball

almostemptynest wrote: »

First timer - so be gentle with me. For 12 years brought up my 2 kids with no financial help from ex - csa couldn't touch him as he works cash in hand. Youngest went to live with him a year ago and older son stayed with me. The eldest now about to go to uni + ex wants me to pay him through csa for youngest son who is 15 and dropped out of school ! Ex not short of cash but I am as eldest will need extra cash on top of uni loan. Whole thing seems very unfair. Any ideas ?

Does this help.....Your child who is about to go into University could take his dad to court to claim costs towards his Uni education! It happens, I know a couple of other forum members have queried this and considering this as an option for support

I hope this helps, I think it may need some further research from yourself, but it is a very good possibility for you.

13Kent

If he has dropped out of school then I imagine it's unlikely that he will continue in education and therefore when he reaches school leaving age and child benefit is no longer payable as he is no longer in education there will be no CSA payable.

I am assuming that even if your son has dropped out of school child benefit is still payable until school leavin age.

I don't know how far away this time will be, but if you do end up having to pay it may just be for a short time.

The only other advice I can give is that if he has already gone to CSA try to put some money aside even if they haven't demanded any yet as if and when they do as you might find yourself hit with an arrears bill as well as regular maintenance.

Sorry can't be more helpful.

Unfortunately its the NRP like yours was who don't pay that the CSA was set up to chase and do something about, and it has failed dismally with that!

almostemptynest

After feeling like I was punched in the stomach yesterday on hearing my ex's plan I have now had my faith in people restored - so thanks to the people who took time to reply. In answer to your question as to why did he let youngest drop out of school - because he has no experience of being a parent and opts for the easy life. This is me being kind - I could tell the truth which would involve alot of swear words directed at his character ! In reply to the option of uni bound son taking him to court - not possible as his work is all cash in hand and he has no assets in his own name. Think he put house in sisters name years ago in case I went to the CSA. I assume he is waiting until oldest has gone to uni before contacting CSA as then I will (officially at least) have no dependants. That's a joke as I will be bridging the gap between the uni loans and reality for the next 4 years. Its a total joke - at the moment I get tax credit as the government assumes my salary can't support the 1 child living with me. Yet when that stops they can then demand that the very same salary should support the other child ??? Where is the logic in that.

PlayingHardball

Hiya, reading your original post again, the youngest has dropped out of school and the ex wants you to pay child support. I'm a little unsure about this, but because the child is not in full time education, I would think that it is questionable as to whether child support can be collected, any thought from others?

shell_542

PlayingHardball wrote: »

Hiya, reading your original post again, the youngest has dropped out of school and the ex wants you to pay child support. I'm a little unsure about this, but because the child is not in full time education, I would think that it is questionable as to whether child support can be collected, any thought from others?

That only applies once the child turns 16. So once he turns 16 and child benefit is stopped, then the OP would stop paying.

Unfortunately OP, the CSA don't care if an NRP cannot afford to pay the amount the demand There's not a great deal you can do if your ex goes to the CSA, except maybe to know that as he's dropped out of school, your liablility will end sooner. A shame he's ended his education so early though. If he enters further education again before he's 19 though, be aware your ex could then go back to the CSA and they would come to you for payments again.

chriszzz

almostemptynest wrote: »

First timer - so be gentle with me. For 12 years brought up my 2 kids with no financial help from ex - csa couldn't touch him as he works cash in hand. Youngest went to live with him a year ago and older son stayed with me. The eldest now about to go to uni + ex wants me to pay him through csa for youngest son who is 15 and dropped out of school ! Ex not short of cash but I am as eldest will need extra cash on top of uni loan. Whole thing seems very unfair. Any ideas ?

Hi almostemptynest,

To be fair to all involved, your ex should of been paying maintenance 12 yrs ago but didnt due to him not declaring his earnings as he was getting paid cash in hand, and unfortunately the children lost out financially and you had to finance your children on your own, well done to you for putting your kids first.

Now for the part that some might take offence to but I will risk it anyway. Your ex has every right to ask you for maintenance for your younger son (thats if your earning, as you dont say in your post)

There are PWC who are not short of cash but still have the right to claim for maintenance from the ex, I know you eldest is going to uni and will need financial help, maybe you could encourage him to get a part-time job to help him finance himself, this will take some pressure off you and will also benefit your son as he will learn to help himself and I always think that is a good thing for a young adult (just my opinion) .

There never seems to be a fair way when two people split up and the law states that a non resident parent has a financial responsibility. What makes it worse in your situation is that your ex appears to have got away from his financial responsibility and is now in a position to claim maintenance from you.

There is no real justice for each and every situation, there will always be unfairness, unfortunately.

Good Luck to your son and his uni studies and you must be really proud that you have helped him get there.