Does anyone think they need ripped out and reknitted

mudgekin

Aarrgh I suddenly feel like a total frump. :eek:

At 51 I have suddenly looked at myself critically and decided I completely hate what I see. I have gone from a slim attractive 40 sopmething to this atrociously unnatractive 51 year old.

A bit of background. I have always been slim, very slim apart from a large bust (not dreadfully large, probably full would be a better description) I have had short cropepd naturally blonde hair for many years now purely because getting up at 5am means an easy to handle hairstyle is the way to go. Clothes have always been feminine and a mix of floaty skirts and tops to the professional suit and classic styles. I have always been told I don't look my age and was ID'd at 35. Makeup was my friend, I never left home without the works.


I have woken up at 51 and I have piled on 2.5 stones due to medications so nothing fitted me. My face looks as though it has been sat on while it was still warm and I have bags and sags everywhere. My bust has become this massive mound and my nipples would like to commine with my bellybutton if it wasn't for the huge bra keeping them from kissing :eek:

I have had a field day on ebay getting a new wardrobe as money is too tight now to let me shop in the stores that I used to and I had nothing that fitted, not even knickers. I have managed to get a fabulous amount of clothing in the styles that I love and suit for minimal cost that was covered by a prize I won so no outlay there really.:cool:

The new area that our dept has moved to seems to disagree with me as I continually rub my eyes now and have stopped wearing eye make up and so I look like miss piggy since my eyes are small with sparse eyelashes.
I stopped wearing eye make up about 2 years ago now after a bout of depression and came back to the dept move and never started again.

My hair has morphed into this dirty blonde colour and I now hate the cut completely and would like to grow it a bit I think but can't bear that horrid inbetweeny style. The hairdressed I have gone to for 15 years has moved away.

I intend to try to loose a stone and a half and DH and I are about to start the south beach diet (diets are a new concept for me, never been on one ever) The clothes I bought will fit me even with the weight loss as some seem to strain a wee bit at the waist and bust.

I am at my wits end as to what I can do with my hair and baggy face (short of hiring a plastic surgeon which is probably what is needed but is beyond my windest reach)

I think I need some help here and some advice. I also have no idea what makeup to wear at 51 now and don't want to end up like a painted clown.

What do you lovely ladies suggest that will make me feel good about myseld again as I just look and want to cry. The clothes part is fixed but isn't helping that I look in the mirror and just go uuugh. I see all these glam 50 somethings and just wonder how to even try to get a quarter of the way there

Bitsy_Beans

Well done on your clothes purchases! What puts me off buying from ebay is a. the postage costs and b. not being able to try stuff on so I am impressed you've got stuff you want to wear :T

As for what you see in the mirror you need to stop focusing on what you don't like - how about pointing out your best features, whatever they may be. When you hear that little negative voice in your head saying "saggy tits/bum/saddlebags" etc turn it into a squeaky voice so it lessens the impact.
I am rubbish at accessories but I do think they make or break an outfit so if you can't find anything nice to say to yourself in the morning how about focusing on say the accessories that you are wearing or the colour of the clothes you have on and how they compliment the colour of your eyes.

It takes practice (I for one have days when I can't think if anything good to say) and on "fat" days I try not to hang around too long in front of the mirror

mudgekin

wow thank you so much for that positive post. Funnily enough I have never had a problem getting what suits me, or accessorising and I always always walked out the door and thought I looked ok, sometimes more than ok. I have been so so lucky to build up a great classy wardrome again and not spending outrageous prices. eg a jaques vert suit for £4 inc postage. That is the kind of bargains/quality I managed to get over a month period.

What I am having difficulty is that I now just feel I have morphed into something completely hideous. A wee voice inside tells me that this is the remnants of my depression even though it is 4 years since I recovered, I am still not quite as strong as I was before, more fragile probably. I think that there is also a psychological impact from the sheer amount of meds I am on for chronic pain following failed spinal surgery.

Dh of course when I say all this poo poos me and says "Rubbish" He does agree that I need to lose some weight and points out that so does he and that we can do this together. It is just the Miss Piggy look that os particularly bothering me, and the fact that I do badly need a haircut.

Bronnie

Hi !

Well I'm your age and if I'm going to face the world, I much prefer to do it with some make-up on! You sound like you've got a wardrobe of some smart clothes, so a light make-up will add a touch of polish, enhance your features and disguise your less favourite bits and will likely be confidence-enhancing.

My philosophy with daily make-up now is definitely to go for a natural dewy look.Too much make-up looks awful on most 50 somethings, but you can still use and need a touch of colour with a light hand. The adage of emphasising eyes or lips, but not both is a good one.

I use Clinique supermoisture foundation, Mac creme blusher, L'Oreal Voluminous mascara and a Revlon Luscious tinted lipgloss for my quick everday look. Takes just a few minutes and gives me a polished, finished, but natural look (I hope!!)

When I'm going out I use other products too, but this make-up is easy for starters.

flippin36

I think we all look a little too closely in the mirror in the morning. I'm sure what you see isn't what others see. I have moles on my face that I really really hate. It surprised me that my hairdresser hadn't noticed them. I had one removed recently, my sister didn't even notice.

I have always found the staff in Bodyshop very helpful and friendly when choosing makeup colours that will suit me. I am growing my hair out at the moment as I think my shorter cut aged me quite a lot, I have been using this website that has given me some excellent advice on growing out hair.

www.longhaircommunity.com


HTH

thevicster

mudgekin wrote: »

wow thank you so much for that positive post. Funnily enough I have never had a problem getting what suits me, or accessorising and I always always walked out the door and thought I looked ok, sometimes more than ok. I have been so so lucky to build up a great classy wardrome again and not spending outrageous prices. eg a jaques vert suit for £4 inc postage. That is the kind of bargains/quality I managed to get over a month period.

What I am having difficulty is that I now just feel I have morphed into something completely hideous. A wee voice inside tells me that this is the remnants of my depression even though it is 4 years since I recovered, I am still not quite as strong as I was before, more fragile probably. I think that there is also a psychological impact from the sheer amount of meds I am on for chronic pain following failed spinal surgery.

Dh of course when I say all this poo poos me and says "Rubbish" He does agree that I need to lose some weight and points out that so does he and that we can do this together. It is just the Miss Piggy look that os particularly bothering me, and the fact that I do badly need a haircut.

I'm sure your DH is right! And depression never helps even if it was 4 years ago or 5 minutes ago. I too have quite small eyes and find that having my eyebrows shaped (maybe tinted too?) opens them up more. I don't really use much eyemake up day to day (just mascara really) but when out I tend to go for coloured liners that suit my eye colour which seems to make them stand out. You could also try a white liner? I think that's supposed to help!

I hope you're okay and congrats on the fabby clothes and DH. hth xXx

Bitsy_Beans

mudgekin wrote: »

wow thank you so much for that positive post. Funnily enough I have never had a problem getting what suits me, or accessorising and I always always walked out the door and thought I looked ok, sometimes more than ok. I have been so so lucky to build up a great classy wardrome again and not spending outrageous prices. eg a jaques vert suit for £4 inc postage. That is the kind of bargains/quality I managed to get over a month period.

What I am having difficulty is that I now just feel I have morphed into something completely hideous. A wee voice inside tells me that this is the remnants of my depression even though it is 4 years since I recovered, I am still not quite as strong as I was before, more fragile probably. I think that there is also a psychological impact from the sheer amount of meds I am on for chronic pain following failed spinal surgery.

Dh of course when I say all this poo poos me and says "Rubbish" He does agree that I need to lose some weight and points out that so does he and that we can do this together. It is just the Miss Piggy look that os particularly bothering me, and the fact that I do badly need a haircut.

OK you want to grow your hair but that doesn't mean you can't have it cut. Why not ask friends for some recommendations for hairdressers, if you find a good one perhaps chat to him/her about a suitable style that will help you bear the process of growing your hair (I feel your pain - I would love to grow my hair again but it gets to a certain point and I hate how it looks so I have it chopped again :rotfl:)
At least you'd be proactive about doing something to improve how you feel about yourself.

I agree with flippin36 - what we see in the mirror is not what others see, remind yourself of this when you hear that little voice.
Sounds corny and a cliche but we all have to learn to like if not love ourselves as we currently are. Don't put your happiness on hold because you are waiting to lose weight or to become more stylish - life really is too short for that.

mudgekin

Thank you all for your lovely replies. I will always say this for this site, the people on here are lovely and so supportive on the whole.

I really should get back to wearing eye make up and I will take all your suggestions on board esp about the white liner. I think that the eye thing was emphasised by needing varifocals this year and I felt that my eyes just disapeared behind my specs..even tho the frame is gorgeous.

BB I do the same every time I think about growing my hair. I let it go till I get to that inbetween stage where it drives me nuts. DH has decided that since we need a day out that he is going to take me on a 200 mile round trip one saturday to my old hairdresser who knows me so well. It is a fabulous drive which he loves also and we will take mum and make a day of it. He feels that I need a push and said to me tonight that no matter what the meds do to me I am still the lady he fell in love with.

What would I do without the man..he is my rock.

Thanks again for all your help ((hugs hugs hugs))

Bitsy_Beans

mudgekin wrote: »

Thank you all for your lovely replies. I will always say this for this site, the people on here are lovely and so supportive on the whole.

I really should get back to wearing eye make up and I will take all your suggestions on board esp about the white liner. I think that the eye thing was emphasised by needing varifocals this year and I felt that my eyes just disapeared behind my specs..even tho the frame is gorgeous.

BB I do the same every time I think about growing my hair. I let it go till I get to that inbetween stage where it drives me nuts. DH has decided that since we need a day out that he is going to take me on a 200 mile round trip one saturday to my old hairdresser who knows me so well. It is a fabulous drive which he loves also and we will take mum and make a day of it. He feels that I need a push and said to me tonight that no matter what the meds do to me I am still the lady he fell in love with.

What would I do without the man..he is my rock.

Thanks again for all your help ((hugs hugs hugs))

Bless your H - what a star :T

And You have inspired me to look at clothes on ebay so see if I can snag a bargain - so thanks for that

mudgekin

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

Bless your H - what a star :T

And You have inspired me to look at clothes on ebay so see if I can snag a bargain - so thanks for that

Will I took your advice, took a bit longer with my hair and instead of just towelling dry Istood and got the dryer out for a blow dry, a bit of lighht make up and I feel less repulsed:o

Today I am wearing a lovely Country casuals pink crepe de chine dress and a BNWT cream waterfall cardi (both size 14) which cost inc p&p £8 and it just reminded me of how I used to dress. I have spent the past 6 months wearing ugly dark baggy clothing to hide my weight but all the new stuff is in pinks and lilacs and whites.

You guys helped put it into perspective and I thank you. DH said when he read it "what have I been telling you for months !"

Bitsy_Beans

mudgekin wrote: »

Will I took your advice, took a bit longer with my hair and instead of just towelling dry Istood and got the dryer out for a blow dry, a bit of lighht make up and I feel less repulsed:o

Today I am wearing a lovely Country casuals pink crepe de chine dress and a BNWT cream waterfall cardi (both size 14) which cost inc p&p £8 and it just reminded me of how I used to dress. I have spent the past 6 months wearing ugly dark baggy clothing to hide my weight but all the new stuff is in pinks and lilacs and whites.

You guys helped put it into perspective and I thank you. DH said when he read it "what have I been telling you for months !"

Yeah but when our OH's say it we think they're just being kind for the sake of it :rotfl::rotfl:

Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better today and your clothes sound not only a bargain but very pretty to boot

Keep it up and I like the fact all your new stuff is not black