Toddler rejecting her dad - help!

Cookie_monster_7

Our dd (2 1/2) has started being horrible to her dad. She doesn't want anything to do with him and pushes him away if he goes to her saying "no, mummy, mummy".

He is the best dad imaginable and we are both hurt and confused by this. Nothing happened to start it off she just changed towards him a few days ago.

Anyone else experienced this or know what it's about?

go_cat

The same thing happened with my DH and our DS, all of a sudden he would say " I don't like Daddy, I want Mummy " etc very hurtful to hubby. It was around a similar age and lasted for a few months

He has just turned 3 and is no where near as bad, still likes mummy :T but doesn't push DH away like he did.

Sorry can't be of any more help but it does get better, can only think it is yet another stage in their development

Nicki

Really really common for them to favour one parent over another at this stage, sometimes quite pathologically. Freud called it the Oedipal complex, or Electra complex for a girl. Your little one might also be feeling insecure because of your impending new arrival (I am right that you are due imminently aren't I!) and staking her claim to you in advance of that happening.

Cookie_monster_7

Nicki wrote: »

Really really common for them to favour one parent over another at this stage, sometimes quite pathologically. Freud called it the Oedipal complex, or Electra complex for a girl. Your little one might also be feeling insecure because of your impending new arrival (I am right that you are due imminently aren't I!) and staking her claim to you in advance of that happening.

I am due soon, yes. I was wondering if that has had anything to do with it. We have been talking a lot about the baby in mummy's tummy and been preparing the baby's room and telling her that certain things are the baby's not hers. I think now we've made a big mistake talking about it so much because to her it must feel like a long time talking about a baby that isn't here yet and she has started to behave more babyish too. Not wanting to use her potty, wanting nappies, talking baby talk again and being more clingy to me than usual.

Nicki

You could start maybe talking to her about all the things that will be great for her when the baby arrives? That she will be the oldest, that she'll have a little brother or sister who will be a great friend and love her lots. We did this with my middle child who has severe learning difficulties before the baby was born, and whilst its hard to know how much of it she understood, she did adapt to the new arrival far better than we thought she would. We were super careful never to say anything negative to her along the lines of that when the baby came she'd have to wait for things/share things/etc and in the end she was happy to do all those things without being told. Just an idea?

beks

This rings bells with me too (and no impending baby in our case)!!
Our dd did exactly the same and it started at about 2 and a half.

Bed times became a bit fractious in our house and dd would push OH away constantly. At times, she was really nasty to him telling him she didnt like him anymore and that she only wanted mummy. OH was devastated and actually quite hurt. We found that it improved when he spent more time alone with her (without me there) and when it came to bedtime, I would go out to the gym giving dd no choice of who would put her to bed. At one point, we had to be firm and tell her that if she didn't want daddy to read a story then no one would. It only took one night of no story to change her mind on that one!!

Just remember, it is perfectly normal, it is a phase and it will pass.
DD has just turned 3 and OH has gone away for a week. DD was really upset this morning telling me that daddy is the best daddy in the whole world and that she wishes mummy would go away instead. :rotfl: Kids!

go_cat

beks wrote: »

This rings bells with me too (and no impending baby in our case)!!
Our dd did exactly the same and it started at about 2 and a half.

Bed times became a bit fractious in our house and dd would push OH away constantly. At times, she was really nasty to him telling him she didnt like him anymore and that she only wanted mummy. OH was devastated and actually quite hurt. We found that it improved when he spent more time alone with her (without me there) and when it came to bedtime, I would go out to the gym giving dd no choice of who would put her to bed. At one point, we had to be firm and tell her that if she didn't want daddy to read a story then no one would. It only took one night of no story to change her mind on that one!!

Just remember, it is perfectly normal, it is a phase and it will pass.
DD has just turned 3 and OH has gone away for a week. DD was really upset this morning telling me that daddy is the best daddy in the whole world and that she wishes mummy would go away instead. :rotfl: Kids!

Completely agree, when I went away recently for a week and left DS with hubby he thought it was the best thing since sliced bread and didn't miss me at all :rotfl: six months ago I couldn't have even contemplated leaving him - it definitely does get better

pinkshoes

Cookie_monster wrote: »

I am due soon, yes. I was wondering if that has had anything to do with it.

Ohhh, this rings a bell with my friend's daughter who had just turned 3 when my mate was 5 month's pregnant. She'd decided that the bump belonged to "her and mummy" and not daddy, and when I went to stay for a week, it was my bump too!!! My mate just ignored her when she was shunning daddy, and they got her some book on the important role of being a big sister. She grew out of it eventually!

wannabe_moneysaver

OMG - I could've written the exact same OP! My DD is almost 2 and she screams sometimes (most times!) when DH even goes near her! I tell him its just a phase and its because she is with me all the time (I've been a sahm since she was born). He laughs it off most times but its bound to hurt.

We have been trying make more time for DD and DH to be together too and she is ok when I am not there. Anytime I am around though, it has to be me that does things for her.

I hope the situation gets better for you soon too OP and congratulations and best wishes for your forthcoming arrival!

[Deleted User]

We are the same in this house, Molly is 2 and quarter and she's been like this for quite a while now least 6 months if not more. She's fine if its just her and dad but if i'm around, she'll always favour me over him. I put it down to me being SAHM, always there is she's ill, tired etc. I do remember similar feelings in childhood/teenage years, preferring mum over dad as i knew i could get away more with mum and dad was sterner. But that was as an older child.

I think in your case it could be no.2 related and a phase that quite a lot of 2yr girls seem to be going through.

When she's crying and yelling for me over him, we'll both get down on her level and i'll say "poor daddy", cue his over acted sad face, molly will look at him see him sad and then usually give him a big huggle. We both try hard not to let her play that mummy daddy card too often as she will try to manipulate. For example if daddy is getting her ready for bed and all was going well until i appear for whatever reason and she starts creating for me, i'll say no, i'm busy, daddy was fine until now, walk out and let him deal with the tantrum!! <insert smiley face>.

HTH.

chickaroonee

I think this is really, really common, have seen it lots with friends and family...it just seems to be a stage they go through, I'm sure it'll pass soon. My niece was like this for a few months when she was 2..she's now 17 and a real daddy's girl!