Im I a mug?

furgasm

Sorry -

Am I a mug??

As part of my divorce process I agreed (in writing) with my ex wife (via her solicitor) to pay support for my eldest son on a monthly basis and have been doing so for just over 4 yeras.
He is now 22.
The wording being - until he has completes his Tertiary education! ?
Studying just the one subject, he attends a local university for a couple of hours 4 days a week
Not for the want of trying, I have no contact with as he chooses to have nothing to do with me. Ive not seen him for 5 years yet I continue to pay for a child (Man) that wants nothin to do with me!
I dont want to cut out payment all together but feel that it could be reduced?
I would appreciate any thoughts
Thank you

kelloggs36

if it was a consent order you will need to go to court to get it altered.

AnxiousMum

Agree with Kellogs - and, if he's not doing full time university - you need to get an end date to this as he could be part time for years and years and years.....in reality, if he's only part time, he could be working himself as well.

daska

Attending uni for a couple of hours several times a week is not necessarily part time. The actual contact hours will depend on what subject he's taking and whether that involves lab time for science/medical subjects, field trips, studio time for art, he'll have research to do, essays to write etc.

Do you know what subject he's studying? Where? A quick call to the Uni concerned would give you an idea what number of contact hours they expect for a 3 year course or longer. You can always pretend to be a prospective mature student

AnxiousMum

You really need to try for a variation to your consent order. If hes been doing the course for four years, and most degrees here in the UK are 3 years.....with no actual end date on your order, he could legitimately do course after course until he's 50, and all the while be supported by you.

wordsfan

It amazes me that parents without care continually complain about the minimal amount they pay in maintenance. If they were still with their child's parent how much would the child be costing them? a lot less than maintenance is calculated at. My ex made a big deal of telling my 9 yr old daughter how he pays " a whole £200 a month". Then I explained that this amount doesn't even cover for arguments sake half of;

3rd share rent and council tax for her
3rd share of utility bills
food
clothes
shoes
school costs
over the counter medications

If your son is attending university then at least he's driven and ambitious. As for the fact you no longer have contact with him, I highly doubt that's just down to him.

maggied_2

Harsh post wordsfan - my parents weren't paying for me when I was 22 - plus you have no idea why the OP doesn't have contact. At least he's been doing the right thing by paying maintenance.

With regards to the costs you've outlined:

rent - would you not be paying that anyway?
council tax - a single parent gets a 25% reduction - and again everyone who works pays it
OTC medicines - you can get most things for a child on free prescription.
food / clothes / school costs - £200 doesn't sound too bad!

Your ex was entirely wrong in telling your daughter that - but don't forget he also has to pay rent, countil tax, etc etc.

newyearnewme_2

wordsfan don't kow the whole of your situation but I assume you are also getting Child Benefit and Child tax credit, which is another £125 a month minimum. So that is £325, excluding my rent and council tax which as maggied pointed out I would be paying anyway (saying that a 2 bed flat is £25 a month more expensive than a 1 bed) I do not spend £325 on my child. Ok I don't earn as much as I could as I have to work round school hours however I get more then the basic CTC which helps. I want to work part time to spend time with my child and I am prepared to take a drop of income for this.

Gloomy_Past_Bright_Future

wordsfan wrote: »

It amazes me that parents without care continually complain about the minimal amount they pay in maintenance. If they were still with their child's parent how much would the child be costing them? a lot less than maintenance is calculated at. My ex made a big deal of telling my 9 yr old daughter how he pays " a whole £200 a month". Then I explained that this amount doesn't even cover for arguments sake half of;

3rd share rent and council tax for her
3rd share of utility bills
food
clothes
shoes
school costs
over the counter medications

If your son is attending university then at least he's driven and ambitious. As for the fact you no longer have contact with him, I highly doubt that's just down to him.

As your ex pays £200 per month for your daughter surely you contribute the same, so a total of £400 per month.

Does a 9 year old cost £400 a month?

mitchaa

wordsfan wrote: »

It amazes me that parents without care continually complain about the minimal amount they pay in maintenance. If they were still with their child's parent how much would the child be costing them? a lot less than maintenance is calculated at. My ex made a big deal of telling my 9 yr old daughter how he pays " a whole £200 a month". Then I explained that this amount doesn't even cover for arguments sake half of;

3rd share rent and council tax for her
3rd share of utility bills
food
clothes
shoes
school costs
over the counter medications

If your son is attending university then at least he's driven and ambitious. As for the fact you no longer have contact with him, I highly doubt that's just down to him.

Please expand.

What is 3rd share rent and council tax supposed to mean? Where would you be living had you not had this child or if your child was taken away from you or heaven forbid your child died? Since when have children been liable for rent or council tax? I'm confused as to why you would use these calculations to determine 'child costs':eek: Your child would not be liable for utilities at 1/3. The heating would be on regardless as would the fridge freezer, the washing machine may be used a little more and perhaps more electricity in TV/Video games but you are speaking a few £'s per month to which again you should be liable 50% for just the same as your ex. (You would have say 90% of your utility bill regardless of your child so this is a poor excuse)

Does he receive child benefit and child tax credit for this child? Probably not, so do you contribute £200 towards your child on top of the child benefits above? If not, then he is surely forking out more than you? The CTC and CB are not your contribution, they are the governments so should be excluded.

If the child costs more than £200 from him and £200 from you and CB and CTC on top then I can sympathise with you, If not, then perhaps he is getting the raw deal and you are quids in? I see his point. Using rent/council tax and utility bills to justify maintenance for a child is weak, very weak.

This 1/3 thing has annoyed me to be honest, I don't understand why you would think like this? (If you want to be fussy, it would be 33.3% you, 33.3% your partner and 16.65% your share towards your child, 16.65% NRP's share towards your child) This is stupidity in my opinion though as you are treating child like an equal share in this 1/3 nonsense:eek: Your rental costs as your council tax costs as your utility costs (at around 90%) are fixed values, child or not.

kaya

in a word "YES", although i am sure you are a well meaning one with good intentions