How long will they keep sending CC's

tallyhoh

My OH has a serious problem with money & other issues. Its no use trying to reason or threaten him, its a personality disorder (quite certain)

Every few years he takes out loans, numerous credit cards, even takes money off family. He does this until everyone refuses him money & is then made bankrupt, imprisoned or just keeps his head down.

I have just found that he is running up debts again, this time as he fancies himself to be a photographer (he has previously had ambition as a Solicitor, boat builder, computer expert, nurse, fireman, financial adviser, pipe fitter, pub landlord, etc etc)

I know that he has 2 credit cards maxed out & I have been cutting up more cards as they arrive in the post, 4 this week.

How long will it be before the card companies get fed up & stop issuing replacements?

I despair, feel like I'm drowning in bits of plastic. Is there anything I can do to stop this. He really doesnt realise he's ill & needs help.

Cleosmum

No answers, but (((hugs))), it must be really hard.

andrea1968_2

I was in a similar situation with my last partner - gambled away anything he could get his hands on, borrowed money he could never dream of paying back, and consequently left us with joint debts of almost £22,000.

There is no simple answer, you literally can only help someone who accepts that they need help and no matter what you do for them and how many times you bail them out, their promise to change is worthless unless they'lll take that 1st step and admit the problem is there and it needs addressing by them.

Out of a relationship lasting almost 20 years it took me the last 4 years of it to realise that I had to summon up the courage and leave and try and pay back the debts he'd run up using my cards htat were in my name.

Obviously I'm not saying thats the road you should be going down, everyones relationship is different, but all I can tell you that 5 years on I've repaid over £9000, and while I've still got another £6000 to go my health (mental and physical) have improved, i don't fear every phone call and every letter that arrives and I'm looking forward to being debt free in 13 months time.

You aren't the only person in this situation and if you can share your worries with family and friends it will make a huge difference but your other half is responsible for his own actions and he has to take responsibility for the mess he's got himself (and you) in.

Sorry I've got no real advice, the actions I did were 100% right for me and I wish I'd been brave enough to do it sooner but the choices are there if you can make the right one for you

Good luck

bargainbetty

As with all addictions and mental health issues, you really can't help a person until they want to be helped.

Do you own a place together or rent? Personally, I would simply take the precaution of ensuring that there is a separate account to pay the household bills, (just in your name if possible) and get him to put his cash into that so you are covered. Put a notice of disassociation on your credit files so he cannot take out debt in your name, or in joint names, and even consider telling him if he does, you will consider it fraud and press charges. If you share a property, then the impact upon you could be considerable, so it might be worth speaking to a solicitor about your rights should he end up with a charge on the property.

A person has the right to mess up their own life, but not yours.

Is there any chance of getting them to a counsellor? A very good friend of mine finally realised his behaviour was a desperate cry for help, and is now receiving mental health support.

I wish you all the best x

Happytogetdebtfree

Hi big hugs just wanted to welcome you to the board and wish you all the best x

tallyhoh

The house is in my sole name with no mortgage & we keep our finances totally seperate. I put a note on the credit reference agency years ago to say he was nothing to do with me.

However I am still concerned that if he is made bankrupt they could take my house into consideration.

I have asked him to leave but he totally ignores me or tries to upset our son to make me stop trying to have a go at him. the boy is halfway through uni and really doesnt need this.

We havent had a relationship for years as I feel like his keeper & when his poor Dad went into a nursing home I found he had taken out equity on his home to repay one of my OH's fraudalent debts, he owed £75,000 on the mortgage. There is nothing he will not do or has done to get money.

He really doesnt realise he's ill. When I confronted him last week about debt he says its under control as he's making the minimum payments.

Is there any way (legally or otherwise) I can stop him getting credit?

andrea1968_2

Hi again Tallyho

If my ex hadn't since died I'd have sworn it was the same person!!!!

Firstly its good that you've got a disassociation notice against his finances -or lack of them. I don't think that there is anything that you can physically do to stop someone getting credit but I suppose the lenders will stop approving further credit at some point. My main concern would be if he then started trying loan sharks - you have to consider what would happen if he didn't make the repayments to those lovely people......

Have you seen a counsellor yourself ? You have to take into consideration the long term effect that this is having on your and your sons wellbeing, you can't be responsible for your partners health but you have to take control of yours.

From being in a similar situation I can honestly say there are no straight forward answers - everytime my partner said he'd got in under control I'd unearth another nightmare which he'd been hiding - "because he didn't want me to worry" - how nice of him and like your partner he would have stolen off his own shadow if he thought it had a tenner in its pocket.

But looking back now I'm looking forward to being debt free next year, I've met a fantastic person who treats me like a human being and not a cashpoint/problem solver/crisis loan centre etc etc etc. It's not been easy and I've had to move back home - which at 41 is less than great - but I have a much brighter future than I could ever have imagined a few years ago.

Good luck and keep your chin up xx