Naughty PWC Pulled Another Fast One

PlayingHardball

13Kent wrote: »

My OH is starting to lose contact with his children - the pwc over the last few years has been more and more difficult with granting access, I think she is promising them treats if they DON'T see Dad, and we know she tells them lies about us. It would be nice to think that in the future they would get wise to her behaviour - I don't wish them to lose contact with their Mother, but it would be nice for them to have an untainted relationship with their Dad and their step family.

13Kent - I had the same things happening to me as a PWC when NRP unleashed a whole load of bitterness, lies and bad behaviour towards me and my partner, for whatever reason. He used the kids to do this. The worst thing was knowing that he was lying about me and my partner, and I remember feeling so sad that the children believed him and reacted negatively to me and my partner as a result. The rejection was the worst thing I've experienced, while it lasted.

....Fast forward a few years, my kids now have nothing to do with the bitter old fart (sorry, can't resist), and even have listed my partner as 'dad' on facebook. The same DD has said she wants my partner to walk her down the ailse

I can almost guarantee.... to all of you who struggle with the same 'bitter ex' syndrome, remain dignified and keep your opinion of said 'bitter ex' to yourself, your children will respect that one day, and coming looking for a relationship with the one who makes sense and lives by example.

Does that make sense?

Blonde_Bint

PlayingHardball wrote: »

13Kent - I had the same things happening to me as a PWC when NRP unleashed a whole load of bitterness, lies and bad behaviour towards me and my partner, for whatever reason. He used the kids to do this. The worst thing was knowing that he was lying about me and my partner, and I remember feeling so sad that the children believed him and reacted negatively to me and my partner as a result. The rejection was the worst thing I've experienced, while it lasted.

....Fast forward a few years, my kids now have nothing to do with the bitter old fart (sorry, can't resist), and even have listed my partner as 'dad' on facebook. The same DD has said she wants my partner to walk her down the ailse

I can almost guarantee.... to all of you who struggle with the same 'bitter ex' syndrome, remain dignified and keep your opinion of said 'bitter ex' to yourself, your children will respect that one day, and coming looking for a relationship with the one who makes sense and lives by example.

Does that make sense?

Makes perfect sense to me:) Its all a waiting game, truth will out but you'll have to wait in some cases years for it.

Now, what can you suggest for bdt, playinghardball. I'm kinda stumped. How can it be done with minimal 'putting noses out of joint' of the other kids involved?

I think once they've made the leap they'll look back and be glad they did, but how to proceed? I really wish I could think of something for you bdt.

When my friend and her dh made contact with his kids her 8 yr old daughter cried a bit, but not for long and when she met her half sister and brother realised that they were both over 18 and adults which made a difference to her as she could see they were not really rivals for daddy in the same way as they would have been if they were closer in age to herself:). Which is a similar thing to yourself bdt:)

fifipat

My situation is that it was my ex who threatened to not pay child support if things didn't go his way. I did point out that he was legally obliged to pay and that seeing the kids was not dependant upon child support being paid. He sees them twice a fortnight but still chose to go for a weekend away with his gf when he was supposed to take the kids and his mum was ill in hospital! Priorities are all wrong. Daughter often doesn't want to go as I don't think she likes the gf altough they have been together for 4 years. Kids are still all under 15. He makes little or no effort with the kids and they just play computer games and stuff when they are there. The kids never ask to phone him and he never phones them in between visits.

SusieWinwood

I have to ask - what does PWC mean?

Thanks

Susie

Blonde_Bint

SusieWinwood wrote: »

I have to ask - what does PWC mean?

Thanks

Susie

parent with care. The parent the child resides with:)

sandraroffey

my daughter is in a similar situation. she has teh children with her but her ex partner, who has three other children from 2 other relationships (and has no hardly any contact with at all, and no contact with one) is an a***. after he had been gone some time, she told him he had to start paying her something for the boys (twins) and they came to a sort of private arrangement except he hardly ever paid it. the car needed doing, he was going away, etc etc. any excuse not to pay until in the end she put it up n facebook what a s*** he was being. he paid her £100, not the £300 he was supposed to be paying but hadnt paid for three months, then said to her 'if you want any more money ut of me, you will have to take me to the CSA'. which she promptly did and no one was more surprised than him when they told him what he had to pay. it was more than their private arramgement, and they take it out of his salary. good for them. he had obviously been talking to someone who paid next to nothing.

however, the access is a joke. he tells everyone who will listen that she wont let him have the boys, which is absolute rubbish. he picks them up from school on one day a week, at three oclock and has them back with their mum by 6pm. three hours a week. he keeps promising he is going to take them on holiday to see mickey mouse, then it was centre parcs, now its supposed to be two weeks time and he hasnt booked a thing. a weekend at his flat it is then!!

he never phones them, he never takes them at any other time and when my daughter ever asks him if he can squeeze in another day, weekend, whatever, there is always a reason why not. when he does have them, he doesnt take proper care of them, they dont get fed properly( 'what did you have to eat today boys? breakfast and an easter egg'). 'and daddy didnt get out of bed until it was really late and left ******* to look after us.' he doesnt take them anywhere when they are with him, not the park, and mostly not even to see that side of their family.

what can you do?? if it was up to me i wouldnt let him near them - i saw how he was with them while he and my daughter where still together, appalling. my three sons want to go and 'talk to him' but that wont do any good, much as it would give us all huge satisfaction.

we just have to wait until they are older and can decide for themselves.

he really doesnt want these lovely little little fellas. he certainly doesnt have any time for them. and to be having to deal with continual disappointment from their dad at only 5 years old, is terrible for them.

SusieWinwood

OIC - thanks

I thought it was a norty abbreviation!

Susie