CSA and being self-employed

Kimitatsu

overthehills wrote: »

. The ex wife had a full time job but my husband couldn't counter claim.

THAT'S where it is unfair.

Sorry, but I think if a bloke can get away with it, then go for it. I have tried to claim from my ex simply to bring in money my husband pays out for his daughter. I want nothing from my ex, I can bring my child up without him. He went down the self employed route.

In my circumstances, and many, the woman (hubbys ex) just can't stand to see her ex happy and moving on. She has a partner/husband who works full time too so they are quite adequate to support a child. Okay, it's not his child, but he knew she had a daughter and was happy to take her away from my husband. Much like my situation.

The csa formula stinks.

something else I wanted to point out.

My husband and his wife had a child, a child he was happy to support and a child his ex was happy to be called daddy.

The ex had an affair and left, was all nicey nicey till my husband moved on and became happy with.

The ex marries the man she had an affair with and precedes to withhold contact so my husband cannot see his daughter. She then precedes to gat his daughter to call this new man daddy.

Now if she wants to eradicate my husband from his child's life then kick him where it hurts and have his daughter call another man daddy, THEN change her name to mums married one, the "new daddy" should be expected to take on ALL responsibilities for his "new daughter"

But no. This is why it's all about the money and women who with hold contact because the dad hasn't paid is proving to the world it's all about the money. A man doesn't pay for the right to see his child.


I know this is extreme but more often than not, it IS about the money, not the welfare of the child. In my case it is anyway. (speaking from my husbands side.)

Firstly if your husband has shared care then that should have been taken into account in the CSA formulation, he can claim for shared care based on the number of nights he has her. If he earns more than his ex wife then his contribution will be proportionately larger.

No one is saying that the CSA formula is perfect but what I dont understand is why do you think its ok for a NRP to "get away with it" and walk away from the moral obligation of caring for their child??

Does your ex husband see his child? Or is that why you are happy to bring her up on your own?

Contact and maintenance are not linked in any way, contact is dealt with by the courts and maintenance by the CSA. If you are not happy with your contact arrangements then see a solicitor, the courts take a dim view of witholding contact.

overthehills

Yes my ex does see his child. And the reason my husband doesn't have shared care is because his ex wife dictated it with the threat of him not seeing his child.
My gripe is not with you, my grip is with the 1,000s of women who get pregnant and have a baby against the "fathers" wishes, then chase him for child support

overthehills

See a solicitor!! Then the father has to pay AGAIN. It is all in the womans favour everytime. I am extremly fair parent and my daughter sees her father whenever she likes. I leave him alone. I don't judge his parenting skills or keep onto the csa for re assesment. He pays me a figure and I leave it at that. My husband has a good job, he makes up the rest.

My gripe is with the women who use conact as a control for payment and KNOW the father has to cough up when taking it to court. Many fathers struggle and simply cannot afford these court costs. It has NOTHING to do with the love for their child.

My gripe is with the women who comfotably accept when their husband/partner, being self employed, fiddle the tax man and declare a low income then use it against him when they want to scr3w him for more money.

My gripe isith the women who deny the fathers right to be named on a birth certificate then scr3w him for money.

My gripe is with the women who blatently change their childs name because they want to play happy families with another man but scr3w the father for money.

Do you fall into any of those catagories?

I am happy to say I don't. Even if I know my ex's lifestyle exceeds his declaration. I don't want him in my life. I have better things to do with my time than keep going after him for money.

kelloggs36

It is never as black and white as you may think - there are always 2 sides to every story. Yes, there are parents out there who use their kids to blackmail the other parent and these are truely awful people who do this. However, if Court were free for such cases we may see them drop as the other parent could go back as and when needed to ensure that the Orders are not breached. This would make it more fair. that or Judges need to be more sympathetic to the parent on the receiving end of such vindictiveness.

In law as it currently stands, whether a man is named on the birth certificate is irrelevant to whether they are liable to maintain the child - they are liable always. This is how it should be. However, what should also be the case is that both parents should be named on the birth certificate unless there is an extremely good reason why not. At the moment, unless married a mother cannot name any father without them being present. We do not know whether the father was denied the chance or whether he chose not to be there or whether he could not be there within the 6 weeks where it is law to register the birth. There are reasons sometimes.

A child's name cannot be changed without the consent of the other parent - not legally anyway. Adoption is the only way to relinquish responsibility towards the child. Some parents quite happily walk away thinking that they can just forget about them but it doesn't work that way either.

I agree that it is immoral for somebody to enjoy the fruits of illegal income, but at the same time it does not mean that it should be ignored when child support is concerned as the parent does earn the money and should therefore pay their fair share. Perhaps they could be dobbed in to the tax office to ensure that the rest of us aren't scre*ed over too.

Kimitatsu

overthehills wrote: »

Do you fall into any of those catagories?

I am happy to say I don't. Even if I know my ex's lifestyle exceeds his declaration. I don't want him in my life. I have better things to do with my time than keep going after him for money.

No I dont but my kids have made their own decision not to see their biological father - they are just as entitled at any time to take up contact again, that is their decision.

But I am on the other side of the fence so to speak, my ex has an income of about £30K but pays £5 a week for both of his children. I have a new husband who pays for everything for them BUT I cannot legally change their name (which is what they want) because my ex will not sign the deed poll papers.

Personally I would like him to sign the papers and bog off forever! But he wants his cake and eat it - just like your husbands ex! So you see there are faults on both sides, not just women, men can be just as bad too. He wont take responsibility for his kids but he wont let us move on either.

Anyone know a good hitman (or woman!) we could all club together for just to make it moneysaving?? :rotfl:

tingtong27

my wife i was with 19yrs ,i have 2 girls 6 and 8 .we lived happily she didnt work looked after girls .im a long distance lorry driver worked 100hrs a week away uk and europe to my hate of the job but i did wot i had to do .to give them the best i could new car nice big house with small mortgage a holiday abroad every year im 38yrs old .my wife decides thats not good enough one day and starts having an affair 3 months later i find out .wants a second chance so i give it to her as she was the love of my life .3 days later shes gone syco .are you still with me .i started to divorce her she sold my £10000 car i bought ,and when i was away clean the house out of all our possesions and left me with nothing ,i was distraught .and then she wont let me see my kids .then i end up in court on occupant order for domestic violence , i never laid a finger on her ever ,i paid a barrester £500 to fight it ,i won she was found to be lying .then i got took back to court again on an injuction for threaterning her with my brother ,i was 300 miles away that day my brother 200 miles away ,i won again but was put on undertakings not to do nothing to her vice verser .and i agreed to pay mortgage .then she gets csa on to me so i had to give up my job as i couldnt afford to pay the mortgage as well this meant me in trouble with judge maybe a sentence .x wife wont pay any contribution to the mortgage so i said asked her to lay csa off me she wont .ive now been to court and lost 75% of my house to her when it sells because she has the kids plus the £30000 she stole from me judge not intersted at all . im still at the house paying the mortgage with £8000 solicoters bill to pay .she is on legal aid with a hefty bank balance now living at home with her wealthy parents .ive gone self employed ltd company now i have csa after me again ,last year i nearly drove my 44 tonne truck at a concrete bridge on the m11 to finish myself off as i felt i cannot go on no more ,recently i feel the same again .the csa have no morals they dont give a stuff if you dont eat have a house to live as long as the greedy x wife with her £175 per week benifits £100 week wages and £120 month family allowance plus they want £270 a month from me thats without the £93000 to my £30000 shes gonna get and ive got to pay the mortgage till the house is sold and yes guess wot i dont get that back either ,does the csa or judges take this in to question .nope and to top it off i aint seen my 2 little girls in 14months .ive just got an order on her but the judge tells me if she breaks it he cant send her to prison because it will upset the kids .no justice for men in this country .ps i have offered to pay my wife 20% off my net wages for maintence straight in to her bank on standing order when finances are sorted she wont accept .she says csa will finish me off and thats what she wants all because ive divorced her .why should women get away with this and live a life of luxury for there mistake .sorry to rant ,all the best to all

minge.smacker

I told the csa back in june that i am not working at the moment and they have just sent me a letter saying that i still have to pay, I have always payed for the last 9 years but now am suffering with depresion since my children have moved 400 miles away ( even after a lengthy court battle to try to stop it)
I do not have a bean and am only doing an odd job here and there to pay for food and drink, as soon as i get enough for that i cant but help to go back to bed.

Kimitatsu

Have you applied for benefits though Minge.smacker? If you do then you can ask for a re-assessment and you will be assessed at paying £5 a week for maintenance.

Depression is an illness just like any other and you can claim Income Support to get you through.

tingting27 - my heart goes out to you, as has been said on this thread before there are bad parents on both sides, not just one or the other. The only piece of advice I can give you is that children are very perceptive and they make up their own minds eventually, so dont give up hope. Feel free to come and rant on here any time - we all do!

tingtong27

thanks its very hard i havent seen my girls in 15months now and its killing me even with an order the x can do as she pleases to hurt me , i have now been threatened by csa with a interview on criminal offences because i wont reply to them ,they say they will prosecute me in court if i dont .im gonna go to court with my order on her and ask the judge what makes it ok for her to break the law ,i will pay when i see my girls ,thanks for been so understanding and not shooting us dads that want justice back .