Husband is stopping maintenance payments - please help

EndOfTether_2

Hi, hoping someone may be able to help me.

My dear husband (we are not divorced yet) and father of my two children, has today announced to me he is going to give up his job and *go on the dole* as it is the only way he can afford to be with his fancy bit. He intends to move 150 miles away to be with her; she does not work either. He advises me that work is very scarce in that area and he wouldn't be able to earn enough to support her, her two and a half kids ( one doesn't live with her atm) and to pay for his own two children so he just won't bother.

He currently and begrudgingly gives me £100 a week - despite the fact that the mortgage is £500 a month, the house is still in joint names and we took out a substantial remortgage shortly before we separated, towards which he has not paid a bean. That is before the other bills!!

I am unable to work and am on long term incapacity benefit. My only other income is child benefit and child tax credit. I have done a quick search and discovered that none of these benefits take account of any maintenance payments so I assume that I will get no increase when he stops paying for his children.

I previously made a claim for income support but was told that because of my incapacity benefit I am £8 a week over the threshold so the claim was denied.


Is there anything at all I can do/claim for? Life has been a constant struggle since he left but if he does not pay any maintenance there is no way I will be able to keep paying the mortgage, which has been my main priority, as I want to keep the children in their home - it is the only stability they have left.

Any advice or suggestions would be most gratefully received. Thank you

Loopy_Girl

Unfortunately there is nothing that can be done if he is not working.

No income = no CS payments aside from £5 per week deducted from his benefit (if he is entitled to claim any).

Can you not claim your mortgage interest payments? I'm not sure if IB is one of the benefits that you can.

If youa re long term sick and have any care or mobility needs then have you thought about DLA? This wouldn't affect any money you already have coming into the house.

Not the news you were hoping for I imagine...sorry

EndOfTether_2

Thanks Loopy Girl - not what I wanted but what I feared

No I can't claim mortgage interest payments, and my illness doesn't really require care - it doesn't affect my mobility either except when I am confined to the house ( I have bowel/stomach disorders) and I don't think that counts!!

Looks like I best start packing then

Loopy_Girl

It depends....if you can't get out of the house as there is a fear that your problems may arise and you couldn't get to a loo or something then this could be something that you can claim DLA for.

Depends if you are mentally prepared for the fight to try and get it.

EndOfTether_2

It is certainly worth looking into and thank you for the suggestion

Am I mentally prepared? - hell no, am sick of fighting and being dumped in the brown murky stuff but I have little choice

Loopy_Girl

EndOfTether wrote: »

It is certainly worth looking into and thank you for the suggestion

Am I mentally prepared? - hell no, am sick of fighting and being dumped in the brown murky stuff but I have little choice

You can get the CAB to help you complete the form - it can be daunting!! Plus they know the correct 'jargon' to use. It can actually be all the difference between getting it first time or not.

Don't let me put you off...the condition I have entitles me to it but I was that scarred by helping my Dad to get it a few years ago I am still scared of it!!! But many many people sail through it. And at the end of the day, if you are entitled to it then it all helps.

How old is your youngest child? I'm just wondering if you would be able to come off IB and then go onto IS and then you would get the mortgage payments after 13 weeks....I'm not even sure if you would be 'allowed' to do this but if you could and your youngest is under 7 then it could buy you time?

Not a very nice situation to be in

You could also start looking ahead and maybe get in touch with a few Housing Associations in your area about getting re-housed. Then at least if you are doing something pro-active, you won't feel so destitute.

missmontana

If the house is on both your names, does that mean he is still liable for paying half? ( I don't know much about that, bit others will)

Go to the CAB and seek advice from a solicitor, I expect you will be wanting to get divorced asap aswell (he sounds like a right charmer).

Start talking to people now, so they are aware of your situation. try and reduce whatever outgoings you may have and keep posting on here, you are not the only one that will have been in this situation!

DaiJoA

Hi, can't really offer any other advice only to say that yes he is liable to pay for his half, and you need to speak to your mortgage provider asap about this. Go on the community legal services website and search for your nearest legal help solicitor, or google it, then make an appointment with a solicitor to get advice not only on divorce but on property matters - they can help you with a 'Severing Tenancy' form which essentially means that you both sign it and you both have your own equal half of the house, i.e. if after signing this form you got hit by a bus on the way home, your half would go straight to your children and not to him (which it would do as in the eyes of the law you are still married - it would be the same for you if he got hit by a bus). It is a very good first step in formalising things - I'm sure if you did get hit by a bus then without this form your husband would waste no time in claiming the full house as his own and moving his 'fancy bit' (love that expression by the way!!) into what would be totally his house! Protect yourself and your children by seeing a solicitor right away.

Legal help solicitors also usually have either a housing department or access to good advice on housing/mortgage issues, and possibly benefits, or even a queue jump at the CAB. It really is something you must do and I think seeing a solicitor will help get things straight in your own mind - you would almost certainly get the whole thing free so that is one less thing to worry about.

As for the csa I'm afraid what everyone else has said is sadly true. Something that I and my OH has done (he is the NRP to their son and she is one awkward so and so) is to start writing a diary of literally almost daily events that his ex orchestrates to alienate the little boy, we write everything down so that if he does turn up on the doorstep in 14 years time saying 'Dad why did you leave me?' etc we have proof that it wasn't all as mummy said it was. Anyway, writing everything down starting from now will be a really good process for you I think, and in the future might help to show the boys just what happened during that hard time in their childhood and just how much you love them and were prepared to do anything for them. As MissMontana says, so many people have been in your situation sadly.

LizzieS_2

DaiJoA wrote: »

they can help you with a 'Severing Tenancy' form which essentially means that you both sign it and you both have your own equal half of the house, i.e. if after signing this form you got hit by a bus on the way home, your half would go straight to your children and not to him (which it would do as in the eyes of the law you are still married - it would be the same for you if he got hit by a bus). It is a very good first step in formalising things - I'm sure if you did get hit by a bus then without this form your husband would waste no time in claiming the full house as his own and moving his 'fancy bit' (love that expression by the way!!) into what would be totally his house! Protect yourself and your children by seeing a solicitor right away.

Above is slightly wrong.

You do not need both to sign to sever a tenancy - only one party needs to.

Whilstever you are legally married, severing a tenancy in itself will not change the beneficiary from husband to children if you were to be hit by a bus - you would also have to write a will naming children as beneficiaries.

EndOfTether_2

Thank you to everyone for your suggestions

I have been in touch with my mortgage provider - in fact at the moment they are looking at ways to be able to assist me by perhaps reducing my monthly payments/restructuring my mortgage, and they are aware of the situation but have said there is nothing they can do about it. All that will happen if the payments can't be met is the house will be repossessed - and that doesn't bother him in the slightest.

I have been wondering about seeing a solicitor for some time now, and I think it is something that I need to do. But it doesn't bother me if we are not divorced yet tbh - it would benefit him more and I am !!!!!!ed if I am going to do yet more of the hard work for him to get what he wants - if he wants a divorce he can sort it and pay the legal costs!!

And my children are 17 and almost 14 so that is a non starter too