Major problems, help please

EagerLearner

threlfaw wrote:

Deep down I know that I have to tell her, I am prepared to give her all of my salary and then to let her manage my finances.

Definately tell her - she needs to know so that you can work on it together. If she is better at finances, you will be better off having her work on the finances from now on, but be sure you don't resent her for this in the future, as it's probably a thankless job for her, which you know shouldn't have happened. It's great that you are facing up to it though :T before it gets worse - this site is a great start, also Citizens Advice etc - definately don't consolidate, use government companies via the Citizens Advice and get advice first.

frankie1_2

You really must tell your wife. I have recently shared my own debt situation. After some lengthy and heated discussion we have both sought ways to tackle our problem. It has been a great release to share my worries and I am grateful for the suppoert given by my wife.
I would recommend Payplan. You can discuss your problems over the phone. The team are knowledgeable, friendly and not judgmental.

sandgrownun_2

All the above advice is excellent.
"YOU MUST TELL YOUR WIFE" is the best advice.
Kind regards.

Debtomaniak

Hi and welcome,

I admire you for facing up to your debt problems, it shows that you are a sensible person, taking responsibility.

Just wanted to say to you, I am that wife, whos husband decided not to tell about debt problem right to the point when he could not hide it any longer because it went out of hand so badly. You can see from my signature how bad it got.
Please, please tell your wife ASAP. She will appreciate you trusting her. OK, you might have to have some hard talks, but you will feel so much better afterwards.
I wish my husband told me, straight away. When I look back at how many expensive holidays we had and how much stuff we bought, that is just a complete waste of money. I would have made him pay every spare penny, when he had his well paid job against his debt, but it is too late for us now, we are going to sell our lovely house so that we can pay the debt.
Good luck,
HUGS...

jessicamb

threlfaw wrote:

Thanks for the replys, you all talk so much sense.

The money that I spend on the Mortgage and all household bills cant be changed. That is unless I let my Wife know.

Deep down I know that I have to tell her, I am prepared to give her all of my salary and then to let her manage my finances.

Maybe put all the debt on to a new mortgage ?

The debt has been built up over the years, and trying to make things better by consolidating them has made it worse. I find myself spending again. Only in January I consolidated them all and again find my self overdrawn.

Hi Threfaw

Welcome to MSE.

As others have posted I strongly recommend that you let your wife know what is happening. It is more than likely that she has already guessed that something is wrong anyway.

Are you able to tell us how you got into debt? Not to judge you but to see if we can help you stay out of debt IYSWIM.

Your SOA is a bit limited in detail but I would advise stopping your savings and the child savings temporarily until you get back under control. There is no benefit in saving at a miserly interest rate when you are probably paying three times more than this in interest on the credit cards. What do you have in savings that you could use to pay off the debts as a lump sum? Bear in mind that you can put all this back once you are back in control of your finances.

If you post more details of how your household bills breaks down and any income your wife contributes then we may be able to offer more advice on specific areas of expenditure.

loobyloo1980

Hi and welcome to MSE and DFW. I haven' t really got much to add to the advice already posted in here. Definitely check out the snowballing site as it has helped me loads.

I would also go along the 'tell your wife now' road. Sharing the problem will make it easier in the long run. My guess is that if you are worried about things, it will show, and she may suspect something is wrong already - may even worry that it is something even more serious than money trouble and that you are having an affair or something (believe me women's minds work like that). I would rather know. She may have some great ideas on how to help you and may be happy to ease some of the burden off you by taking over childcare costs or something temporarily until you are sorted.

Whatever you do - no more consolidating or putting it on a mortgage - it will only lead to more trouble.

Good luck with your debt free journey - we are all here to help 24/7 and we are all in this together, through thick and thin. We will all get there one day at a time. Belonging to the support in here is very empowering, as you will get to learn for yourself in the coming weeks and months.

h4nym

threlfaw wrote:

My wife is totally unaware of the position I have got myself in and I would like to keep it that way.

Gringo

You've done the first important thing - you've accepted that there's a problem there that needs to be solved.

There's only one other important thing - you will absolutely need your wife's support on this. My wife and I have been on a journey reducing our debts from well over 100k to 23k now. Can't wait till October, my debt-free-day when I finally get to write the post on there!

Gringo, I couldn't have done it without my wife's support And equally importantly, you're denying your wife the chance to help you, and support you and - if nothing else - sympathise! What worries me is that you may not be fully aware of your wife's financial position... how do you know that this isn't just one side of a coin?

Share this with your wife... even if you've got nothing to show for the money you've borrowed. Give her the chance to help - she's far and away in the best position to!

All the best

H