Wedding invitations - who to invite

browniej

My son is getting married in two months so invitations have been sent out recently.

Just had a conversation with my mother about one of my cousins and his family who haven't been invited as my son has never even met him. He has met their daughter but only once for a couple of hours. His mother and brother have been invited because they do know them and have some contact with them.

My mother thinks they should be invited simply because they are family. They have offered to pay. However my son and his fiancee don't want to invite someone that neither of them have even met.

I'm stuck in the middle here. I'm told my son is not considering anyone else, it's just a me, me, me attitude. My mother is even saying she won't go.

Any ideas?

Phyzelda

Oh wow it's not just me!!!! (sorry if I start ranting!)

my nan was up at the weekend and we were talking and she tried telling me that i should invite my mum's cousins because they are family!! she even offered to pay!!

my response (as harse as it sounds) just because they are blood related they aren't family to me! They've had nonething to do with me all my childhood, yes their parents are my great aunt & uncle, but I spent time away with them as a child, but I never spent time with their children!! It's my wedding not a social get together!

I read somewhere once, to ask yourself a question when writing your guest list "would you buy them a drink down the pub?" if yes, invite them, if not, do you really want to be spending a fortune on them at yur wedding?

I'd standing my ground to all my family, even when they offer to pay, it's our wedding and if we don't want them there they won't be there!! And if family continue to go on about payinhg for them, I use the maximum number at the venue excuse!! works a treat!!

sorry rant over!!!

tabskitten

It is your SON's wedding- not your mothers or anyone elses. Let him and his fiance decide- it is not your decision or problem.
Whatever they decide is right, if others don't like it that is their issue.
I think weddings are far too expensive to invite people that you do not know!!

tabskitten

Phyzelda wrote: »

Oh wow it's not just me!!!! (sorry if I start ranting!)

my nan was up at the weekend and we were talking and she tried telling me that i should invite my mum's cousins because they are family!! she even offered to pay!!

my response (as harse as it sounds) just because they are blood related they aren't family to me! They've had nonething to do with me all my childhood, yes their parents are my great aunt & uncle, but I spent time away with them as a child, but I never spent time with their children!! It's my wedding not a social get together!

I read somewhere once, to ask yourself a question when writing your guest list "would you buy them a drink down the pub?" if yes, invite them, if not, do you really want to be spending a fortune on them at yur wedding?

I'd standing my ground to all my family, even when they offer to pay, it's our wedding and if we don't want them there they won't be there!! And if family continue to go on about payinhg for them, I use the maximum number at the venue excuse!! works a treat!!

sorry rant over!!!

I could have written that myself- I have last week had a total tantrum at my OH's mother- constantly telling us who we shouldbe inviting- mainly family my OH has never even seen. The we find out she has invited relatives form USA
without even asking us!!!

I have said that anyone can apme now but they are paying for themselves- and if they have a problem with that they can stay at home!!
I have also told my father that he is NOT to offer to pay for anyone (very poor but very proud and stubborn man!)- and if his pride cannot accept that then HE can stay at home too!!

cattattat

I'm on the other side of this... we're both right pushovers so we've had to invite loads of people to our wedding that we never planned on inviting. Now not only has our small, intimate wedding day gone down the pan, every time I think about how much it's costing, I want to throw up....

The fact is, it's their day. They should pick exactly who they want there and shouldn't be pressurised to agree to any other way, whether someone else is offering to pay or not. If I was a bit braver, that's what I would have said to my family lol.....

browniej

Thanks everyone.

What upsets me most is the fact that my son is being called every name under the sun at the moment - he's changed, he's not the same person, he's not considerate, he never phones etc, etc. - his fiancee has done all of this apparently.

Quite frankly I feel like running away!

faerie_girl

We are only have a small wedding with parents, granparents, siblings and OH's best friend.
OH's parents are divorced. We are not allowed in his mums and Step Dads's house since he fell out with us over something very trivial three years ago. He is not going to be invited to our wedding! If he or MIL doesn't like it then... tough. When we told MIL about the wedding date her reply was 'I will come so long as I am not busy' !!!!!! she had 5 1/2 months to make sure she isn't busy. OH doesn't want to invite her either but I making him. His Father is just as bad too. But I feel it is important that his parents are at least invited. If they choose not to come then it just saves us money!

fly_dragon_fly

haha i cant believe how many people are in your boat, i have this with my mother!

she thinks i should invite my sons grandparents to my wedding, whilst my son is there grandson , my partner isn't his dad and it would be weird inviting them to a wedding when the groom doesn't even like them.

the amount of arguements we have had over this is stupid, i've just said ok i'll invite them to the wedding and the evening but am hoping she forgets, i dont want to rub it in my x's face that i'm getting married he already finds it hard to deal with but thats a different story.

floss2

Phyzelda wrote: »

...I'd standing my ground to all my family, even when they offer to pay, it's our wedding and if we don't want them there they won't be there!! And if family continue to go on about payinhg for them, I use the maximum number at the venue excuse!! works a treat!!

That's the excuse we are sticking to - plus the fact that neither of us really have any contact with our cousins apart from Christmas cards & chatting at the last family funeral 5 years ago.

The OP's son needs to stand his ground and not be swayed by emotional blackmail of people threatening not to come. Maybe he should call their bluff and say "OK we will put you down as a "no" then, that means that X can come in your place"

aaronm_2

Let your son make the decision because it's his wedding. He is the one who deserves to be happy at that day. I guess you don't anything unpleasant happens at that day. So to give your son a sweet and unforgetable wedding party, let him be the one to invite the people he favors.

browniej

Phyzelda wrote: »

my response (as harse as it sounds) just because they are blood related they aren't family to me! They've had nonething to do with me all my childhood, yes their parents are my great aunt & uncle, but I spent time away with them as a child, but I never spent time with their children!! It's my wedding not a social get together!

That I think is exactly my son's feelings. He has never even seen these people.

I'd standing my ground to all my family, even when they offer to pay, it's our wedding and if we don't want them there they won't be there!! And if family continue to go on about payinhg for them, I use the maximum number at the venue excuse!! works a treat!!

sorry rant over!!!

No problem with the rant - feel like that myself!

Will look into the numbers for the venue but if I know my mother that won't work - someone else should not have been invited would be the reply.

They are from the older generation where a wedding was for all family whether you knew them or not - friends came last and only to the evening reception.

floss2 wrote: »

That's the excuse we are sticking to - plus the fact that neither of us really have any contact with our cousins apart from Christmas cards & chatting at the last family funeral 5 years ago.

My cousin and I exchange Christmas cards - that's it. I think the last time I saw him was at my own wedding! They don't send cards to my sons neither for birthday, Christmas nor anything.

I don't have a problem with them, no falling out. We just don't have any contact with them so I can see where my son is coming from. However part of me can see the issue of family being invited.

I am just so fed up with the whole thing to be honest. What should be a happy occasion is being spoiled by all these petty arguments which have been going on for over a year.