Inviting guests to ceremony but NOT to meal??

ellay864

I'm getting married next October at Chester Zoo where we're having just the Boardroom (budget dictated we just couldn't have the whole place for exclusive use...sighhh). The price for hiring the room allows for up to 45 guests, giving them free entry to the zoo for that day. The wedding meal is separate, priced per head. We want to keep it fairly small really for costs and have got just under 30 family/very close friends that we want for the whole thing. We'll have a party elsewhere in the evening where we'll have closer to 100 in all.
But we have some friends who are not mega-close but will be travelling some distance, and we'd like to be able to let them come to the ceremony, they'd get the day in the zoo if they wanted. Would it be really cheeky to just stick to the 30 close for the meal, but invite others up to the 45 for the ceremony if they wanted to, though explain that the meal is for close family etc only?
It seemed a bit nicer than asking them to travel some distance only for an evening do but at the same time it also seemed a bit of a cheek and I don't want them to feel I EXPECT them to attend the ceremony.

hayleythedaisy

Thought this link might help ... http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=2312743&highlight=evening+ceremony+older
I think it's a perfectly acceptable thing to do, send evening invites but add that should they wish to join you for the ceremony they are more than welcome, and may then enjoy the delights of Chester Zoo compliments of the bride and groom.

hayleythedaisy

(I'd think this is wicked, go to the ceremony, then a day out at the zoo, then to a knees up!!!)

jackieglasgow

I think the way hayley has worded it makes it sound much nicer, as my honest first thought was that it seemed a bit rude. But i think if I was invited to the evening, with some sort of personal note with that on, that you'd love to see me at the ceremony if I wanted to come have a nosey then a day at the zoo compliments of you and the groom, it would make me think it was a nice day out if I wanted it, and if not, a nice gesture.

my_definition

ive been invited to an evening do after the meal in june (though no invitation you do normally get one right? others have theirs) and i would love to go to the ceremony and not bothered about the meal. i dont know them that well but i have never really been to a ceremony id love to see what its like.

While thats my opinion i hope it helps, i wouldnt be offended that someone didnt want to pay a fortune for me to have a meal.

ellay864

Thanks for your comments and seeing that other thread's made me realise it's getting more common. I've still got to grapple with the other issue of whether we invite young kids or not...one of my close friends will have a 4yr old and 2yr old by then but I really wanted a quite 'grown up' affair (though not sure OH really counts as grown up sometimes lol)

Impet_Limpet

I had never considered this, we can only afford close family and members of the party to attend the reception, but i really wanted to share the ceremony and wedding pictures with as many friends and extended family as possible. If people think you are more rude inviting them to the ceremony and the evening do than just the evening do that is their loss! We are hoping to be wed at a town hall so plenty of places for people to eat and shop and refresh before the evening. We may do this.

hayleythedaisy

The child thing is really up to you, and you have to weigh up - how much you want her there, how much you don't want the kids, how offended she might be if you don't invite her kids.

ellay864

Martine. I think you're right - true friends should understand in this day and age that sadly money does matter and it's not financially possible to please everybody. I was glad at what Hayley said, and we are quite lucky in getting married at the zoo cos it is a really nice day out in it's own right. We're also planning on laying on a bus between our local town where the evening do is, and the zoo so people won't have to drive all round the place (must now go add bus booking to the ever growing 'to-do' list...thank god it's not til next autumn!)

ellay864

hayleythedaisy wrote: »

The child thing is really up to you, and you have to weigh up - how much you want her there, how much you don't want the kids, how offended she might be if you don't invite her kids.

Oh I've seen loads of other posts on this topic...it gets quite emotive. Luckily I'm close enough I can talk to her easily, and she does have both sets of parents nearby which helps. I'm considering offering to buy a family ticket so one set of parents could come to the zoo for the day with her kids, and then they could just keep the kids entertained while we have the ceremony and meal

hayleythedaisy

That's a lovely idea, I like that. Kids don't like the ceremony anyway!!!