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Am I normal?

Its 6:30am on Friday, the last working day of the week for me, and I am knackered. Wish I could just go back to bed, but life isnt' like that and you have to go on. Won't get qualified as a nurse if I gave in to thoughts like that, and having time off in placement is not allowed!!!!

On Monday OH and I were declared bankrupt. Loads of people on MSE say that they feel much lighter after BR, but I have to say I feel worse, constantly worried in case something goes horribly wrong with the paperwork and we get our knuckles rapped cos I have filled something in wrong or forgotten to tick a box or write something down (I can't have can 1? - I have been keeping a spreadsheet on our budget/debts for ages) or they take all our money and the house and we are left worse off than before. I went BR because I knew that it was the best thing for us to do with regard to the debt, but I certainly don’t feel better for it. I feel sick and grumpy and stressed and worried and its not nice for me or my family. BR was supposed to take the stress away by acknowledging our problem and getting help for our problem, and having someone official to deal with the debt who knows the law, but it feels worse - fear of the system and not knowing how it works and such I think, but I could sit here and cry. People keep telling me I have a lot on my plate - I know that but there is no one else to deal with it so I have to. Its easy to hide how I feel at "work" but not at home.

So what I am saying here, is there anyone else out there who has felt like this? Am I normal? Am I worrying unnessaryily? I don't want to have put my family into a bad situation. Both Hubby and I went BR on Monday, but I did all the research, filled in the forms etc cos I am the one who keeps the money records. I feel totally responsible for the decision (not all the debt - he was just as good as me at spending the money and enjoying it!)

D
Donna
Economy; careful management; providence. Whether you call it thrifty or frugality it all comes down to getting more for your money.
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Comments

  • peppa-pig
    peppa-pig Posts: 429 Forumite

    Yes you are completely normal. In fact I could have written that exact same post a few months ago (apart from the bit about nursing!!)

    BR is a real rollercoaster of emotions and in the long term it will sort everything out and things will get better but in between then and now you will go through a lot of emotional stuff before you start seeing the light again.

    At the moment you are in limbo between going to court and having the OR interview. The time running up to going to court to many people is very stressful and the actual event itself is somewhat a letdown as its not how you imagine it to be.

    I felt that the whole process in some sense was too 'easy'. I too was always waiting for something to go wrong or someone to tell me that I was in really big trouble because of something I had done. But that never happened. We got early discharge which was great.

    I still have days where I am upset and feel like a failure but I can see that things are now on the up again for me and my family. We can now start to enjoy our new debt free life and realise what really is important in life - which isn't money.

    Be kind to yourself. Let yourself have a cry if it makes you feel better. Then take a step back and try to relax. Nothing worse that has already happened is going to happen. The OR interview will soon be over and done with and all you can do is try to stay calm and answer their questions as honestly as you can. If you can't rememeber, then just tell them. They WON'T be horrible to you or shout or tell you off.

    You have made the best choice to improve the rest of your life, but BR is not a magic overnight solution. You still will have a grieving process to go through over how your debt filled life once was. But now you also have the opportunity to enjoy a great future.
    Officially BR at 2.10pm on 6th May 2009, ED 7th December 2009

    BSC number 256. Chairperson of The May 2009 Bankruptcy & Debt Relief Order Club!

    It's now time to move on and enjoy life again.
  • Daybreak
    Daybreak Posts: 21 Forumite
    Yes you are normal, I know how you feel. I was incredibly stressed and worried in the run up to bankruptcy, and thought that after the court and the OR interview were over I would feel relieved, but I still feel sick and worried. I am waiting for the OR to read my bank statements and ring me up to ask how could I spend money on this or that when I should have paid my creditors, or god knows what else. It has also dredged up memories of a really bad time in our lives which is where all the debts stem from, and from which we never recovered.

    I am also the one that has had to sort all the debts out and deal with bankruptcy, speaking to my husband about any of it makes him depressed, irritable and withdrawn, I can understand because I feel the same, but like you say someone has to deal with it. I have changed my username for personal reasons but I am not new to the boards and I can honestly say that this is the only place where I have been able to turn for advice. Reading this forum every day has made me feel like I am not alone. I know this is the last stage of my journey through debt and all its miseries, I just have to hold on for one more year.

    I hope things get better for you soon, and for everyone going through this.
  • sizzler
    sizzler Posts: 5,094 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Yep your normall.

    Feelings change and moods its mad.

    Good luck sizzler:)

    Thats if you can count some of us as normal:rotfl:
  • dojoman
    dojoman Posts: 12,027 Forumite
    edited 19 March 2010 pm31 4:29PM
    Totally normal to feel like this, nearly 4 months in and still get days when I feel like this, hopefully it will get better for you as time goes on :)
    :pB&SC No. 298
    Life`s Tragedy is that we get OLD too soon
    and WISE too late!
  • same for me....3 and 1/2 months in and i still have days of worrying.I feel like im wishing my life away but i just want December to hurry up so the 12 months is up and then maybe i will relax then.I sit myself down sometimes and have a word with myself because to be honest going bankrupt has only been a positive thing for me so far so i dont know what my problem is.Good luck hun xx
  • Yep, as normal as anyone on here can be ;)

    I kept waiting for that good nights sleep everyone seemed to get after going BR, I had it last week when I received my notice of ED.

    Although a very serious affair, I found the only thing that kept me sane was having a sense of humour. That's not to say I took any of it lightly, far from it, it's just how I deal with stress. I did crack jokes all through labour and childbirth too though, so maybe I'm not best qualified to say what is normal :D

    Keep your chin up, but not too far up that you walk into a lampost.
  • IF
    IF Posts: 34,349 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Hello D, Can also say Ditto to all above. We are all different and deal with things differently, there is no right or wrong way to feel. I too deal with things with humour, but there are times when you reflect and have down days. All I can say is keep talking here, get it all out.....we don't mind.
    I remember writing this when I first posted:

    REMEMBER THAT THERE IS NO REBATE TO LIFE, NOT FOR ONE SINGLE MOMENT YOU LIVE, SO WHY NOT ENJOY WHAT THERE IS TO ENJOY, AND FORGIVE WHAT THERE IS TO FORGIVE.

    Take care,
    Ifwishes...x
    "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride"
  • I think that's a normal response by decent hard-working folk who have tried there very best and probably a lot more because of the ways we were brought up.
    I feel pretty bad and am just doing the forms, but hanging out here helps loads &
    I have great support from OH and some close friends.
    As they remind me, I'll pass on to you - please make sure you take care of yourself and remind yourself that you KNOW you did your best, release the emotional stuff, it's better out than in, and that all this too will pass.
  • My first post!

    6 months after OH went BR and I still have good days and bad days! But today the sun is shining and the dogs have been walked. No nasties in the post. What more could a girl ask for?
    It does get easier once the healing begins.
  • confused76
    confused76 Posts: 12,680 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    hi there
    your feelings are perfectly normal. i'm 4 months in, and a lot calmer than i was, but still have off days panicking. i don't think i'll settle until discharge
    be kind to yourself, you're going through a process and it takes time.
    all the best x
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