Feel like crying :(

johanne

Just had a blazing row with OH and hes walked out..... argument was over the amount of time i spend online... especially here on MSE... im "addicted and obsessed" also how often i check bank accounts, etc... he said money and debt is all i think about lately!

Well when 2 hours earlier i just put a £100 deposit for a car for him on my credit card so he can get his !!! to work and finish the jobs hes started and get paid.....as his pile of rubbish van is totally broken beyond repair and so he hasnt been to work for 4 days! Yknow im gonna think about debt.. specially when this £1400 car.. + insurance is tipping us into £7000 worth of debt....... and i have £30 left of my overdraft.... to pay £200 worth of bills.... and hes overdrawn in HIS bank and not even got an overdraft with the mortgage on his place and all the other bills coming out on tuesday!! But hhhhheeeeyyy lets not worry cos hes remortgaging the house so in 4 weeks he'll have at least £10k.... so can pay me back the £3000 he'll probably owe me by then..... no worries... :rolleyes:

Except thats 4 weeks away...!!! :mad: :mad: and between now and then i need to pay the final bills at MY house.... and be able to get to my new job ive took to keep OUR heads above water.... While he borrows money for ciggies etc from me.. but i wont even treat myself to a bottle of £1 Lambrini cos "its not budgetted for" :mad: :mad: :mad:

I dont have ANY friends... i dont have a social life at the minute... im not working till my new job on monday.... the internet and especially MSE is my ONE connection to the outside world and the ONE place i know i can talk openly and freely without being laughed at for stressing over money and being frugal or "boring" as my now ex-friends used to call me...

I just despair... maybe its the stress of the new job on monday... maybe its the stress of moving this weekend.... maybe its him being under my feet 24/7 almost for the last 2 months while hes not been able to work much .... maybe its cos this is the first time weve had a row...... i dunno..!!!

I just know i just wanna sit in the corner and cry right now...

lynzpower

Oh hun

I feel for you I really do.

Why dont you simply stop lending him money. Ive had to do it. its not pretty, but until you get back what youve lent then how can you?

BargainHunterCat

Oh honey, very sorry to hear what you're going through. There are lots of great peeps here on the site (as you know) who will help you & I'm sure follow to give you lots of help & support any minute now!

The only suggestion I have is that OH can't manage his own money, you shouldn't be lending him any (especially for ciggies) because that will just mess up your budgeting and that's not fair. I do smoke myself, but if I have no money I don't buy them and that's that.

It sounds like you're both stressed out because of the situation. Have you tried sitting him down to talk the situaition through & come up with a joint budget for you both to stick to? It sounds like he might be undoing all your good work if you are keeping to budget and he's not.

Best wishes - chin up xxx

davesgirl_2

aaaawwww hun (((((hugs))))) i find thaty money is one of the bigest stress's ever, never mind a new job and movinghouse on top of it:eek:
hopefully oh will see it from your side once he's calmed down a bit. dont worry my oh has walked out that many times before but always comes back after a walk:rolleyes:

hbl_2

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

That was my little scream for how frustrated you must feel.

You should probably get your head into a pillow and do the same to blow off a little steam.

As for your bloke, guys say silly things that they're later too proud or stubborn to apologise for. Don't pay it too much heed, I think the subtext of the row may have been, "thanks for paying so much attention to our money situation, but what about me?"

Good luck with it all, and get him to bin off the cigarettes. It's a filthy habit which impacts your health and your bank balance! Double lose lose situation.

LittleL_4

((((((((((hun, things will get better))))))))))) :A

Ps Stop lending him money... :mad:
x

tango

You have to talk to each other about this,because until you both want the same thing and the same target,you will be pulling away from each other,not pulling together.
How you deal with money is important,and at the heart of a good relationship.
I really hope you can turn it around..good luck:A

spud30

Jo,

My OH often has a go at how much time I spend online looking at the internet banking, or on here.

I just say that if he would like to take over the responsibility of sorting out our debts, he's more than welcome. I know he blooming well wont do any such thing.

I wouldnt mind if I was sat here playing games, but I'm not, just getting advice and support on how to get through this mess.

MEN :mad:

Prudent

I think it is quite a priviledge to use mse - it is not just a chat forum, it is a supportive community. I also spend a lot of time on here. It is my refuge when the pressures of being a single parent, doing a high pressure job, doing everything without an oh to chat to get on top of me. It doesn't take away from my friendships or family it adds to them. What you gain on here, you give to your relationship. If he feels excluded, we would all love him to come and join us.

Keep posting -we want you and him if he wants to join

LookingAhead

Awww Johanne I was so sorry to read this as I am really rooting for you, I'm so keen to see you getting things turned around.

If it is any consolation I think my boyfriend gets totally bored with me spending a lot of time on here too although he doesn't say anything....yet.

hbl has a point...men can say things in the heat of the moment and he probably is crying out for a bit of attention.

As spud says, if he wants to take on the responsibility of sorting out the debts then good luck to him! But I wouldn't hit him with that just yet as it will be like a red rag to a bull.

He needs to have it gently explained to him, exactly what you told us. He needs to understand how important this is to you.

It may sound daft but maybe you need to rota in time on here and time for him as well so he doesn't feel neglected, even if you are just playing cards over a glass of something (or cup of tea!)...at least you are spending some time together and I have found that BF & I chat away merrily when we are doing something like that (or Monopoly or Scrabble!!). Oh and it's free - hurrah.

Don't panic my darlin'....he's just probably a bit nose out of joint at the moment - oh and don't forget the complicated male pysche of being "the provider"...he may think you are leaving him redundant when you sort things out!?

johanne

thanks for all the messages....

he come back about 2-3 hours later. :rolleyes: When hed walked out, hed walked a couple of miles (not like him) to a repeat clients house to do a quote for a job.. which they accepted! Then while he was there their neighbour over the road asked him for a quote and accepted it for painting the exterior of their house.. so another job secured! So he come home... give me a cuddle and apologised... then proudly told me he'd the £270 worth of jobs..!:j (should argue more often )

We had a chat and he said he just is sick of me paying for everything... he feels like hes sponging and hes sick of the way everythings gone wrong.. he said he feels embarrassed ive paid off his mortgage arrears and am now paying for his car....

But as i pointed out.. im gonna be homeless if he hasnt got a roof over HIS head.... so paying off the mortgage arrears benefitted me... and by loaning him the money for the car (or my cc actually) it means he can get out to work.. and earn the money..... so i DONT keep having to pay for everything... its only a short term loan anyway cos i was there when he signed the remortgage deal so i KNOW hes due 10k within 4 weeks.....

The remortgage is a positive thing too ... cos he was paying over £600 a month out between the mortgage and a secured loan (for 25k @ over 12% APR for 25 years :eek: ) Now hes consolidated the two..... hes paying £481 a month instead at 6.1% apr over the same period (22 years left) :j

It also means hes freeing up the 10k - so he can pay me back in full... and improve the house... like getting central heating before the winter and getting rid of the avacado bathroom!! (suite and walls!) :rotfl: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

So see... everything actually sorted.... i even have a spreadsheet of every penny hes borrowed.. down to the last £1.50 towards a pack of ciggies so i know EXACTLY how much he owes me....! How sad is that? :rotfl:

I think the stress of everything just got everything to boiling point last night! :rolleyes: