Advice needed please

smitheim

MrsTine wrote: »

OK - assuming we all agree that remortgaging is out of the question (I think it's been ruled out by the lenders for now at least) then you need to tighten the belt across the board... SO if your husband thinks that you need a newer car then he has to do the maths - if it's just because it uses a "lot" of fuel then he needs to work out if all the trips are actually necessary... if it's the buys rugby then can't they get a lift once in a while with other kids? Do they have to go to rugby matches that often? Yes I agree it's a great sport but would they still think it's a great sport if it ends up with you sacrifising something important just so they can go play rugby? I loves horse riding as a child and I earnt a lot of my lessons by working in the stables - when we were short of money (more often than my parents would have liked!) the only lessons I got where those paid for by my grandparents or by me earning them in return for work...
There are lots of things we want to give our children (I'm no different and mine is only 10 months!) but that doesn't mean we always can...

And stop giving them lunch money ans make them sarnies from home instead!

Pocket money... what do they do to earn their pocket money? could they do things for neighbours to up it? Help pay for their ruggers kit themselves?

Presents, entertainment and holiday from now are reduced to £20 per month total for presents (so £120 per year per boy) and entertainment £10 a month (DVDs and popcorn ) and £0 for holidays... as for your hubby - either he wants to be an ostridge or he wants to avoid you all getting into serious financial trouble - because with his attitude then you're teetering on the brink of financial trouble - you're in a situation where you can pull it back at the moment, but if you carry on much longer the problem will escalate VERY quickly!

Thank you for your advice. Somehow the bit about oh hit the spot, he doesn't really acknowledge the debt we are in, and gets fed up thinking he can't replace the car even though he works 47 hours per week. I do understand his feelings though, he had v little growing up (so did I to a lesser extent, being one of 5) and we both want more for our boys

smitheim

RAS wrote: »

Given the amount of equity you have, they would take the full amount that you owe on unsecured debt plus the insolvency fees which are several thousand.

Except that at the moment you do not have enough debt to do an IVA and you do not have a spare £300 per month to fund one.

A DMP would work but you wil lhave to cut back on all the luxery items like holiday, presents, entertainment and child related expenses.

I didn't know that you had to pay for an iva!
So would a dmp freeze the interest? It's v hard to reduce the debt with such high interest rates, even though I have be3en trying to cut back on living costs x

niccatw

Hey... just thought I should retract my toy library suggestion given the age of your boys. Can't imagine they'd thank you much :rotfl:

Definitely use quidco where you can. I just got £15 for signing up to Lovefilm free trial :j That and the packet of popcorn in the cupboard takes care of my entertainmant for a while

katsu

smitheim wrote: »

Thank you for taking the time to reply Ras I appreciate your point regarding their ages but youngest has only just turned 11, not in secondary school yet so think he's still too young to be left iyswim - I do sometimes work relief in the after school club(my main job is running playgroup and I also do dinner hours), taking ds2 with me and leave elder son for an hour or so but don't think it would be fair to ask him to look after ds2 yet.

Two thoughts:

1 - could you perhaps get some other work like taking in ironing or similar?

2 - When I was younger than your eldest son (I was 13 IIRC) I was childminding for working parents (leave my school, walk to primary school gates, collect children, take them home, play with them, sometimes make light snacks) and from 13-16 I looked after someones children every week. I'm not saying your son is as mature as I (apparently:rotfl:) was, but it may be worth testing leaving them alone together for a couple of hours whilst you are not far away - in the garden or neighbours? This way you can see if you can leave them.

theoretica

I agree with Katsu that some 14 years olds are mature enough to child mind- my parents used to give my elder brother rewards for minding me, and me rewards for behaving while 'minded'. Perhaps something like this could work- with rugby the reward?

jayII

Hi, sorry to be a wet blanket, but if smitheim earns a bit extra, her tax credits may reduce by the same amount, leaving her no better off, and possibly worried about leavinng her boys alone.

She would probably have to earn a lot more, to make a difference to her overall income.

Before looking for extra work, I would play around with different numbers on entitledto to be sure it is worth it.

smitheim

jayII wrote: »

Hi, sorry to be a wet blanket, but if smitheim earns a bit extra, her tax credits may reduce by the same amount, leaving her no better off, and possibly worried about leavinng her boys alone.

She would probably have to earn a lot more, to make a difference to her overall income.

Before looking for extra work, I would play around with different numbers on entitledto to be sure it is worth it.

Thankyou to all of you for taking the time to reply - some good suggestions there that I'll think about but Jay's answer really hits the nail on the head - I am aware that if I earn just a bit more we would lose our small amount of working tax credits, and therefore our entitlement to free dental treatment for example, also I do really want to be here for my boys at least for next couple of years - oh feels quite strongly about this as he was left to his own devices from 11 and got into some scrapes
The other issue with looking for more hours in this area is that most jobs are v low paid - my main job running the playgroup around the corner, although the hours are limited does offer me a fairly good hourly rate for the area, whereas any other jobs I could apply for would be closer to min wage AND involve travelling costs (return bus fare to nearest town is £4.80 :eek:)
Have begun to scale back on spending though. Haven't used a cc for 3 weeks now and shopped at lidl yesterday - got quite a lot for £62

Verbatim

Hi,

It sounds as if you're on your way!

As you have a large shortfall at present I think you'll have to consider seriously most of the suggestions already made, packed lunches, no pocket money perhaps and a drastic reduction in groceries. Which is where it is usually easiest to cut back. Do you write out a meal plan for the week or month and then write a shopping list so that you buy just what you need for the plan?

I know it's hard to have to realize that we've been overspending and that every month the debt is therefore growing. You've made one of the big changes already if you've stopped using the cards.

Could your boys get some work such as delivering papers, dog walking or washing cars? Your elder could babysit if he is a mature 14?? Perhaps if they realized you can't afford pocket money they would be motivated to find something to earn a few pounds.

If you have a spare room or if the boys could share could you let a room to a lodger?

But I think you sound as if you'd prefer a dmp as the interest payments would be frozen on at least some of the debts. In which case do contact one of the free charities and not a private firm who will charge you and will not do anymore than the charities and in many cases a lot less. CCCS is very well thought of on here.

Good luck with it all.

smitheim

Verbatim wrote: »

Hi,

It sounds as if you're on your way!

As you have a large shortfall at present I think you'll have to consider seriously most of the suggestions already made, packed lunches, no pocket money perhaps and a drastic reduction in groceries. Which is where it is usually easiest to cut back. Do you write out a meal plan for the week or month and then write a shopping list so that you buy just what you need for the plan?

I know it's hard to have to realize that we've been overspending and that every month the debt is therefore growing. You've made one of the big changes already if you've stopped using the cards.

Could your boys get some work such as delivering papers, dog walking or washing cars? Your elder could babysit if he is a mature 14?? Perhaps if they realized you can't afford pocket money they would be motivated to find something to earn a few pounds.

If you have a spare room or if the boys could share could you let a room to a lodger?

But I think you sound as if you'd prefer a dmp as the interest payments would be frozen on at least some of the debts. In which case do contact one of the free charities and not a private firm who will charge you and will not do anymore than the charities and in many cases a lot less. CCCS is very well thought of on here.

Good luck with it all.

Thank you very much for your good advice. I really want to cut all cards up but am scared to do so just yet in case we run out of money
Will have a good think about what boys could do to earn money, unfortunately no room for lodger as boys share already.
Will try to start doing meal plans;)
Have cut out entertainment for now, and found that writing out my soa, as painful as it was and reading replies and suggestions from all you helpful people has focused my mind on saving - I seem to have gone through less electricity this week as am making concious effort to turn things off/use dryer less etc. We've also limited trips in the car so cut back a little on petrol.
I am interested in a dmp but a little afraid - will it mean we can never re-mortgage for example? Is it really hard to do, to contact all creditors? Will they expect us to live on the breadline for years and years? :cool:

Tixy

A DMP will not mean you can never remortgage. It will mean that you cannot get the best deals around for the duration of your DMP.

Its really not hard to do, you would probably need to send one standard letter to all your creditors (just to say you are seeking advice from CCCS (or whoever)). You then go through your financial position with the DMP provider, agree a monthly amount to be repaid. From then on they will contact all your creditors and make your offers and deal with any further correspondance. You could get a few phone calls in the first month but all you do is quote your DMP reference number and hang up.

After that any letters you get you just send on to the DMP provider (except statements or if you received any court papers).

They won't expect you to live 'on the breadline' but you will not be able to afford a lot of luxuries, holidays etc. You are also not allowed any additional credit whilst you are on the DMP.
I would say have a talk with one of the charities to discuss your options, you won't be commiting to anything.

Well done on the cutbacks you have started making.

Regarding the boys earning money, paperrounds, gardening for neighbours (or in spring/summer even stuff like painting people's sheds/fences etc). There are also some survey sites that particularly want teenagers opinions in return for vouchers etc that they could look into.

Good luck.