Scheduled access for NRP

redwards060685

Have recently asked for help re: csa... Thanks to those who offered their advice . Along with this, Does anybody know how to go about approaching and sorting out scheduled contact for the NRP? Do solicitors have to be involved, and are there financial implications? It's not that i want to stop all contact, but if it does pursue, i want it to be scheduled, as at the moment i feel i am being manipulated mainly by money to adhere to my ex's requests. This is actually costing me, as i'm pre paying nursery fees for days my son doesn't end up attending due to last minute requests from my ex to have the little one. Any help or advise gratley appreciated.... Thanks in advance!!!!

Pimpslider

Blimey! Join the club Redward.

I briefly looked into this a number of years back. I believe that if you and your ex can't come to a formal agreement, but you certainly want to see your kids then court is the only way to ensure it happens. Maybe some harsh Solicitors letters would be enough.

Beings my ex wasn't working she would have got legal aid, but beings I was working I would have had to fork out shed loads. Luckily we have a (semi) sound agreement. Routine is what young kids need and she needs to be aware of that!

chriszzz

redwards060685 wrote: »

Have recently asked for help re: csa... Thanks to those who offered their advice . Along with this, Does anybody know how to go about approaching and sorting out scheduled contact for the NRP? Do solicitors have to be involved, and are there financial implications? It's not that i want to stop all contact, but if it does pursue, i want it to be scheduled, as at the moment i feel i am being manipulated mainly by money to adhere to my ex's requests. This is actually costing me, as i'm pre paying nursery fees for days my son doesn't end up attending due to last minute requests from my ex to have the little one. Any help or advise gratley appreciated.... Thanks in advance!!!!

This depends on how mature, reliable both parents are!!! Every child has the right to see both parents and not one parent has the right to stop contact unless the child is at harm.
Its best if you could both agree to contact days and stick to them as much as poss, but sometimes NRP have to go to court due to the PWC stopping contact, unfortunately and i dont know why this is.....NRP will have to pay to go down this road and the PWC doesnt have to pay, even if there are no real reasons for stopping contact but thats the way system goes, one day it will turn on its head, things always do.
Hopefully for the childs sake, you both can be adult enough to understand the importance for contact to be as smooth as possible and be educated to know that its for the childs benefit that your Son is put first at all times.
Good Luck...Hope you both can sort it out

speedster

always makes me dubious when i hear "i don't want to stop all contact"

it implies that contact is at the whims of the resident parent, therefore there will always be conflict as the RP has ownership issues.

when the parents don't realise that it's the childs rights to contact with both parents then it's a downhill slope from there and it's always the kids that suffer.

redwards060685

Hi Pimp slider, I am the 'she'!!! Ha ha! No offence taken! I actually want my son to have the optionof routined contact with his dad. I don't want him to resent me for not having the choice to know him. He has to make that decision himself when he is old enough. My main concern, is limiting personal contact between myself and my ex to illiminate upset to all people who may be involved.... Recently, we had a big scene when my sons dad brought him home, and i don't want that happening over and over. I do work, and do not qualify for many benefits, does this mean i woul have to fork out for solicitors fees, or do you happen to know if i'm entitled to legal aid being a single mum?

Pimpslider

:embarasse:o:embarasse:o:embarasse:o:embarasse:o:embarasse:o:embarasse:o:embarasse:o:embarasse:o:o:embarasse:o:embarasse:o:embarasse:o:o:embarasse:o:embarasse:o:embarasse

Please accept my apologies redwards.

Like most people have said, it is down to the adults to actually act like adults and do what is best for the child, not for themselves and certainly not to spite each other. Like yourself, I try to avoid as much contact as possible with my ex, but she likes dictating.

Is the working hour limit 16 hours for benefits? Perhaps if you are on less than that then you would qualify for legal aid. It pains me to say it but the best remedy is perhaps a simple sit down chat with your ex (no partners), explaining that things need to be routine for the sake of the child in question. If you can't come to an agreement then reitterate that solicitors and court costs would be very high to redeem the situation.

AnxiousMum

Firstly you both have to realise above anything else, it is the RIGHT OF THE CHILD to maintain a healthy relationship with both parents.

If at all possible, is there a family member on your ex's side maybe that you could arrange drop offs/pick ups from? That way you could drop the kids 10 mintues before the other parents arrives to pick them up - and if the other parent decides not to show up - then you know the kids are safe, and the other parent's family member will have to deal with the other parent in terms of the children? Just a thought.......but chances are they won't mess around their own family member as much as they would someone on your side of the family.

ses6jwg

AnxiousMum wrote: »

Firstly you both have to realise above anything else, it is the RIGHT OF THE CHILD to maintain a healthy relationship with both parents.

If at all possible, is there a family member on your ex's side maybe that you could arrange drop offs/pick ups from? That way you could drop the kids 10 mintues before the other parents arrives to pick them up - and if the other parent decides not to show up - then you know the kids are safe, and the other parent's family member will have to deal with the other parent in terms of the children? Just a thought.......but chances are they won't mess around their own family member as much as they would someone on your side of the family.

This is what I have done.


I found it too upsetting to be picking up and dropping our daughter off at my ex's.

I think it was because whenever I see them together I think of the times we had together as a family and yearn for it.

I would go home afterwards and bombard her with text messages etc which I realise now is not fair.

So now my Mum has been picking up and dropping our daughter off, and will be for a while.

I'm starting to get better now, i even put a freeview box in for the ex yesterday evening, we actually chatted like adults!

I then went home, and lo-and behld I didn't transcend into a blubbering mess and didn't bombard her with messages and calls!

So I would say involving a 3rd party could be a solution. Ideally someone non-confrontational, obviously.

Bellio

speedster wrote: »

always makes me dubious when i hear "i don't want to stop all contact"

it implies that contact is at the whims of the resident parent, therefore there will always be conflict as the RP has ownership issues.

when the parents don't realise that it's the childs rights to contact with both parents then it's a downhill slope from there and it's always the kids that suffer.

Too right.