Discovered my parents are in a debt hole. Any advice please?

michellejm

Hi all,
I apologise if this is all a bit confussing and long-winded. I'm a little confussed and also rather stressed out about this whole matter. These are the facts as I know them so far. My Mother is seriously ill and living on disability benefit. She and my father were left a large sum of money by my Grandparents 15 years ago (in excess of 100,000). My father is a difficult man who has always been very secretive about his finances but due to the sum of money he was left and a resonable sized work and private pension plan I assumed everything was ok. Anyway a while ago my parents boiler went and my father phoned me saying all his cards were being rejected and I had to pay. I do my parents weekly shopping on the internet and have had to pay the last couple of weeks as they have had no money for food. I am very careful with money but have not got a lot to spare with 3 children and a sizeable mortgage so this cannot go on indefinately. I am going round to see them on wednesday (my mother spends half the week in hospital so I cant go before then) and have told my father I want to see all his statements and find out exactly what is happening but I would value any advice on how to progress from here. I do not know the extent of the debts but they have 2 credit cards that are being rejected and my father has said he has 2 loans but says he doesnt know how much for. Any advice would be really appreciated as I know I have to act but am at a loss as to where exactly to go from here.
thanks for taking the time to read my ranting.
michelle

Tixy

Hi michelle

Thats scary for you, I hope your father will be willing to let you help.

As you say you need to see all their paperwork (you might also want to request their statutory credit reports to see that all their debts are covered by the paperwork) - they would need to do this in their own names (£2 each) and they usually come within a week.

I think you then need to help them complete a statement of affairs (an income & expenditure account) to see exactly what position they are in.

Can you think if they have been spending lavishly anywhere- could your father have been gambling or falling for these nigerian style scams and have ended up on a 'suckers list'?

Good luck with it all.

You may find that after speaking to them the position will be so bad that you need debt advice from one of these - http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=2077631

And also here is a link to help with completing their statement of affairs
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=107280

EDIT - also another useful thing (maybe not for the first sitting with them) would be to go through the money makeover here http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/money-help to see if you can save them money by getting better prices/deals and check whether they are paying the correct council tax/ getting the right benefits etc.

Numpty_Monkey

I really feel for you Michelle:grouphug:
The only advice I can offer is if you can't get internet accses at your folks place is to download and print a few copies of the SOA http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html
and a lot of tipex,
Until you get the statements and details it's a guessing game:(

Hope its just a case of your dad doesn't know what money is in what account:cool:

savingmummy

So sorry to hear this, must be very stressful for you knowing they are struggling.
However please don`t get yourself into financial strain by helping, explain to your dad he needs professional help, and that he needs to gather all debts up and sort through them!
Where did the inheritence go? what has your parents been using cc`s for? what were the loans for?
Cut his cards up! Look through paperwork and try and find out what the amounts are, APR`s etc.

I would be very concerned too so can`t imagone how your feeling.
Keep us updated x

mrs:optimist_2

Wow that's a huge amount of money to get through, and then have credit cards and loans on top of that, no wonder you are stressed.

If I were in your shoes I would offer to help them sort it out, but I wouldn't hand over any more money (at least not until you have got to the bottom of this). Fair enough buy them shopping if they need it and you are happy to do that.

I thought your father phoning you to tell you that you 'have' to pay for their boiler was a bit unfair to be honest as you have a family of your own to look after, but I suppose he must have been desperate.

I really think that if he is asking/telling you to pay for things like that and also their weekly groceries, that you deserve to see their full state of affairs, whether he is comfortable with that or not. He needs to swallow his pride, however uncomfortable if he is going to ask for help. You can't be expected to continue blindly handing over cash and picking up their bills.

Good luck with this, I expect your Dad is just embarrassed but you sound like a lovely daughter and I'm sure you will get to the bottom of it all.

Take care and let us know how you get on.

xxx

nuttyp

I hope everything is ok when you manage to find out the true statement of affairs, its just very concerning that they seem to have gone through so much money in such a short period of time.

best wishes

zarazara

How old are your parents? are they pensioners? If so ringing Help theAged for Advice would be a start,also,have you spoken to anyone at Citizens Advice?
Does your father gamble ?
re the boiler,its worth checking if they can get on on the Warm homes scheme,cant remember its proper name---the scheme whereby people get grants for things like loft insukation

---

worth checking with the council.

michellejm

wow, thanks everyone for taking the time to give all this advice I think that my father may have been scammed out of a fair bit of money as this has happened in the past. I also wouldn't rule out some sort of gambling issue or something as he is a very secretive man. I have managed to get some money back for the boiler but unfortunately before I realised the problem my father ordered (and had fitted before he told me he couldn't pay for it!) the most expensive boiler on offer. A double glazing firm (that has now closed down) apparently got 10k from them to secure the price on some future work. I am pretty sure that the money is gone and hasn't just been forgotten as my mother was trying to get by with no food shopping what so ever. I will sort out a SOA and am grateful for the credit report advice. They are pensioners so I will also try help the aged.
Thank you all, you really are a great bunch. I will keep you updated.