My SOA: the start of a long, long road......

Bestthingsinlifearefree

Hi Lifebegins,

You can turn things around if you want.

Keeping your child in the school he likes and keeping your family in your house you love should be enough motivation for you.

EVERY penny counts, EVERY pound counts.

A spending diary is a great idea.

You are on the financial edge but if you and your hubby, really, really want to turn it around you can do it but NOW is the time for action before it is to late.

You can do it. Bring it on !

Keep posting and keep financially disciplined.

I wish you well.

LookingAhead

realwildone wrote:

i realise all your posts are supportive. However I live near a private school and drive my kids straight past to the local state school. I earn more than you and am not in debt.

If you cannot afford to send your kids to private school then they have to go to state school. You really need a reality check. You are playing at being wealthy without the income to support it.

I am sorry but I have no symapthy if you cannot bring yourself to ditch the private schooling.

Your OH seems the sensible one here. You need to sell the house, downsize, stop sponsoring charities, go to private schools and get real.

It seems to me the charity should be sponsoring you.

Sorry to sound so harsh, but saying it as you see it will help, whereas saving 20p of your shopping bills is not whats needed here.

My word. Well bully for you. Sorry but your post has made my blood boil. The OP has explained that 2 of their children are happy in the state school and the third was not. Third child is now much happier and is a 'different child'. This is the child's future we are talking about. If he is having difficulty in a state school and doesn't make the right choices for himself it will affect the rest of his life potentially. And he could end up on this board in good time too.

I wonder how you would feel if your situation changed and you had to give up your car (4x4 by any chance?) and you did become in debt? I bet you wouldn't pull your kids out of private school in a heartbeat.

To the OP: I understand (even though I haven't got children) that people do what is best for them and their futures. And I don't blame you for wanting to stay in a great home in a great area either. And for what it's worth, I STILL wouldn't stop sponsoring your child either.

Love to you - stay positive, EVERY little helps because things snowball once you are in the right frame of mind. Rome wasn't built in a day.

xxx

**EDIT: Re-read realwildone post and realise your kids don't go to the private school....sorry, I misread that first time around & thought you said you drive right by the state school.

However I still don't think OP should pull her child from private school or quit sponsoring third world child. Apologies for the misunderstanding though....my fault for rushing reading posts when I should be working....:o **

iolanthe07

"Sod the kids in Africa....."

This is brutal and unnecessary. £18 represents a tiny fraction of your income - less that half of 1 percent. I applaud you for keeping it going and wish more of us understood how some people who share our planet have to exist.

LookingAhead

iolanthe07 wrote:

"Sod the kids in Africa....."

This is brutal and unnecessary. £18 represents a tiny fraction of your income - less that half of 1 percent. I applaud you for keeping it going and wish more of us understood how some people who share our planet have to exist.

:T :T :T :T :T :T I think I love you.

overbudget

realwildone wrote:

No THAT IS sad to hear.

Far too often on this site people with all good intentions, suggest selling on ebay, buying your fruit from market etc etc.

The fact is when you are in a situation like this brutal honesty is your best friend.

I agree....you are in deep dodo and need to do something NOW before someone does it for you. Because if someone does it for you, the school fees will be gone....PERIOD.

I cannot live like king tut, you clearly cannot afford to either.

Sorry but those things DO make a difference. Following advice on here I have managed to £150 off my spending in one afternoon - not a lot of money if you look at my sig - but it knocks 3 months off my projected debt free date which is worth having in my book.

The OP has a lot of debt but also has a good income - even after the mortgage and the school fees. Changes in lifestyle, careful use of that income could see them debt free in 3-4 years. Is it really worth sacrificing their house and their son's welfare for a few years of frugality? I haven't seen anything in what has been posted to suggest the bailiff is at the door. They are covering their payments and have a big chunk free to reduce their debts - if they take charge of it now they will sort it out.

Lifebegins - hang in there - every little bit really DOES help!

lynzpower

overbudget wrote:

Sorry but those things DO make a difference. Following advice on here I have managed to £150 off my spending in one afternoon - not a lot of money if you look at my sig - but it knocks 3 months off my projected debt free date which is worth having in my book.

The OP has a lot of debt but also has a good income - even after the mortgage and the school fees. Changes in lifestyle, careful use of that income could see them debt free in 3-4 years. Is it really worth sacrificing their house and their son's welfare for a few years of frugality? I haven't seen anything in what has been posted to suggest the bailiff is at the door. They are covering their payments and have a big chunk free to reduce their debts - if they take charge of it now they will sort it out.

Lifebegins - hang in there - every little bit really DOES help!

I really just couldnt agree more. Every little really helps. Until recent catastrophes Ive paid off shed loads of debt - over half of what Ive paid off has been through selling things and being frugal, using quidco & vouchers and generally MONEY SAVING.

I woudlnt give up the child sponsorship either, nor would I take a child out of any school unless it was best for them .

OP some people have had some quite good experiences when letting the school know they are in difficulty- never easy to admit, but a quiet word with the head might reap rewards too- even if its them payingf for your kids daytrips- its something.

realwildone

Sorry but those things DO make a difference. Following advice on here I have managed to £150 off my spending in one afternoon - not a lot of money if you look at my sig - but it knocks 3 months off my projected debt free date which is worth having in my book.

The OP has a lot of debt but also has a good income - even after the mortgage and the school fees. Changes in lifestyle, careful use of that income could see them debt free in 3-4 years. Is it really worth sacrificing their house and their son's welfare for a few years of frugality? I haven't seen anything in what has been posted to suggest the bailiff is at the door. They are covering their payments and have a big chunk free to reduce their debts - if they take charge of it now they will sort it out.

Lifebegins - hang in there - every little bit really DOES help!

Im not saying little things don't mske a difference. They do. But in this case it is not what is required. A long hard look in the mirror, with questions like 'What the hell am I doing' is required.

She is living above her means. Saving pennies won't make a difference. She has an IO mortgage with no repayment vehicle. THATS WORSE THAN RENTING.

At least if she rents someone takes care or repairs etc.

Interest rates are set to go up this year, maybe twice. Her situation is going to get worse.

**EDIT: Re-read realwildone post and realise your kids don't go to the private school....sorry, I misread that first time around & thought you said you drive right by the state school.

Thats ok. Sometimes when you are brutally honest, you get replies without people reading the post as they are so angry.

Sea78

hi,

I disagree, I think that with the small savings (pennies) made through Amazon, Ebay etc I have really turned around my thinking and attitude to money...and I was similar to OP in some of the ways I thought too. Obviously, this doesn't work for everyone, but I do think the small savings help. OP has an extra £800 unaccounted for that could be further boosted with the small savings on everythign and selling stuff. This could make a huge dent in the debts, IF OP wants it to.

Sea xx

overbudget

I still feel that the OP has the capacity to turn things around without selling their house (if they don't want to) - it is a matter of prioritising. That £800 is going somewhere and could be going on debt repayment. The IO mortgage is a worry but once the debts are repaid they could switch to a repayment mortgage - would increase the monthly outlay but without the debts they would be able to afford it (given that they will already have got used to living on much less).
Yes it is a high monthly payment - but proportionally it is about 1/5th of their salary - equivalent to a £200 mortgage for someone taking home £1K - this doesn't seem unreasonable to me (certainly a better proportion than many - myself included!).

lifebegins

Wow guys, I've just caught up with things here. Quite a few strong opinions!

I'm trying to do as much as I can to start to turn things around so that towards the end of the year we can look at whether things are getting better, and how long it will take to get sorted out before making the decision with my OH whether to sell the house or not, so that's not in the equation at the moment. I've always known it would "solve" our problems immediately, I just don't want to if we can manage without going down that road. We are on a very long-term fixed mortgage so at least I don't have to worry about rate rises. I also knew that the mention of private school would provoke strong reactions in some, but I think that most parents dearly love their kids and just want them to be happy and feek OK about themselves: for one of our 3 kids that meant needing more help than he was getting from the state. Believe me, I could think of a million more interesting ways to spend 550 a month (once we're out of debt of course LOL!!) but he comes first.


The MSE definition of the DFW board is "a place of mutual support for those struggling to get out of debt.." so thanks for the great help from everyone who's been so positive so far and hope I can come up with a couple of tips to help someone else for a change. I really do value all your opinions (even if I don't agree with all of them at the moment!) but hope that negative labelling and name-calling will never have a place here.

I guess you've already heard of this, as I found this tip on an old thread, but I registered for "mystery dining" yesterday: it sounds brilliant, a way of still having some kind of social life, but for free! Can't wait for our first date.
Also saved 100 pounds on next years car insurance with a new internet company so a good couple of days. Tried to get some free "cars" film tickets for the kids, but none available near me.
Going to spend an hour starting to update my CV tomorrow (ugh). And try a set a target for spending for the next month.

It's great to know that quite a few of you have made big dents in your debt from lots of "little" changes (food/e-bay/quidco etc.). I am going to make sure it works for us too.