I'm confused as to what's best

confusedmum2be

I am currently 9 weeks pregnant and single. I am currently working 40hours per week and get approx £1400 per month after tax. I am going to continue working up until the baby is born and then take maternity leave however my doctor thinks that I will be better off giving up work when the baby is born (or after maternity leave at any rate) so that I can look after baby etc. He says that I will get more benefits doing that then by continuing to work. I already know that I am not going to want to go back to work once baby is born as I will have to go back about 4 months after the birth (who'd want to leave their baby that young?!) but I am not sure how I will be able to cope financially without my wage. I don't have any family (or friends really) in my area that would be able to help look after the baby once I have gone back to work and I am scared to leave my new born baby with strangers. Plus I am already panicking about how I will cope whilst on maternity leave as the pay is terrible!

The father of my baby wants nothing to do with either of us and as he is a student I cant claim child support (or any other type of support/help for that matter) off him.

Can anyone help clear my confused mind?

Ant advice would be greatly appreciated!!

xmaslolly76

Your first port of call needs to be entitledto.com put your figures in with you returning to work and you not and see what comes out you may be surprised.

I dont think any mom really wants to leave their baby but sometimes needs must. I left my first two after 4 months and after a few days every seemed like it had always been that way and you tend to appreciate the time you do spend together alot more.

Have you thought about going part time at work again run the figures through entitled to.

Congratulations and goodluck :-)

elfen

You can get support off your ex, does he get student loans or benefits as they can still take a minimum out of it.

C_Mababejive

I think you should plan to return to work as soon as is possible. Once you are out of the loop for any kind of length of time,it can be difficult to get back in.

Also explain to the man in this scenario that he actually does have legal and moral obligations to you,the child and the taxpayer.

gingin_2

C_Mababejive wrote: »

I think you should plan to return to work as soon as is possible. Once you are out of the loop for any kind of length of time,it can be difficult to get back in.

I second this.

Also, how would you be financially if you work part time after baby is born and is it possible? That way you are keeping your options open until he/she is older and you can go back to FT.

Oldernotwiser

The baby's father won't be a student forever; you need to establish the basic principle of maintenance now for the sake of the future.

Savvy_Sue

What's it got to do with your doctor anyway? I mean, I know it's got nothing to do with us either, but unless there is some health reason I can't help feeling that he should be doing no more than advising you to look into what financial help you would be entitled to before you decide whether to stay home or go back to work, and then whether that should be part-time or full-time.

confusedmum2be

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

What's it got to do with your doctor anyway? I mean, I know it's got nothing to do with us either, but unless there is some health reason I can't help feeling that he should be doing no more than advising you to look into what financial help you would be entitled to before you decide whether to stay home or go back to work, and then whether that should be part-time or full-time.

I have been diagnosed with depression, that is why he is suggesting quitting work to be a mum.

Thank you for your replies, I went on the Entitledto website and filled everything in but I found it really hard to fill it in as if I were to give up work. I am not sure that I filled it out correctly as I got confused however when I filled it in (acurately, I think) to stay in work it nearly doubled my salary?!!!

My company doesn't really do part time work but I might ask about it anyway as I definately do not want to put baby into full time childcare as it would be for 10+ hours a day and I would be very scared that they would grow a bigger bond with the child minder.

As for the father I looked on the CSA website and it says there that if the father is in full time education you cannot claim child maintenance against them and as he is going to be in full time education for the next 4/5 years, unless he comes to a private agreement (which he wont as he wants nothing to do with us) I'm stuffed until then. His family also want nothing to do with us so I cant go to them either.

daska

If you've been diagnosed with depression then you need help, not isolation. Being a new mum is tough, being a single mum is tough, being a mum with depression is tough. Put all three together and the benefit of working, if you can manage it, is worth every penny for the self-esteem it gives you.

You don't have to tell your employer yet so wait a bit, think, explore your options. Your GP, midwife etc should keep a close eye on your depression during and after your pregnancy.

Morally, the father does have obligations, it's just that at the moment he's legally allowed to wriggle out of them. But he won't be a student forever and, if he's that dead set against providing for his child then I'd suggest going to the CSA very shortly after the child is born and, crucially, while you still know where the dad is. That way they can pin down his NINo and have a better chance of finding him when he's no longer a student. Oh, and make sure you enter all the beautiful baby competitions near where his parents live.

euronorris

confusedmum2be wrote: »

My company doesn't really do part time work but I might ask about it anyway as I definately do not want to put baby into full time childcare as it would be for 10+ hours a day and I would be very scared that they would grow a bigger bond with the child minder.

I would check your employee manual about this part, as I *think* the company would have to give very valid reasons as to why you can't do the job part time. They may say it's a full time job, and it may well be, but then you can ask them about the possibility of job sharing?

Any HR experts around for this one?

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/Flexibleworking/DG_10029491 Have a look here for some info

Savvy_Sue

euronorris wrote: »

I would check your employee manual about this part, as I *think* the company would have to give very valid reasons as to why you can't do the job part time. They may say it's a full time job, and it may well be, but then you can ask them about the possibility of job sharing?

Any HR experts around for this one?

Not an HR person, but I believe the employer only has to CONSIDER allowing you to go p/t, and they may have compelling business reasons not to allow it. Your best option is to think through the implications and offer solutions to any problems YOU can see.

For example, a receptionist in a large company wanting to leave at 3 pm every day might be able to identify someone who enjoys covering reception who could continue to do their own job even with the inevitable interruptions. Whereas a sales assistant with detailed technical knowledge of a product might not be able to explain how their expertise could be covered if they weren't there themselves.