Help! His parents are coming!

Mankysteve

If she like going though your draws I think a trip to Ann Summers is in order. I wouldn't go over the top tidying if she doesn't like how it is she can sort it.

BlimusOreilly

Could you ask her what kind of plans they have for going out whilst they are staying at yours? You can say that you are asking so you know, roughly, what you need to prepare and what you need to get in. This may lead to her offering to take you out for a meal or at least helping out in some way. Depends what kind of mil she is....

gingin_2

I get mine for a month every year

You have 2 options - batch cook if you want to spend more time with them, or cook at the last minute if you want a bit of space. Sometimes if "playing host" gets on top of me I will prepare a time consuming meal just to give me a bit of quiet time in the kitchen. If someone comes for one night I am happy to push the boat out and be a bit more elaborate but anything more than a couple of nights and they have to fit in with our family life, so nothing really changes.

It's amazing how expensive cooking for 2 extra adults can be, I do big pots of soup and bread for lunch or sandwiches, toast and cereal for breakfast and then bog standard family meals in the evening. I put water, fruit and biscuits in their room and then they don't feel embarrased about asking if they are hungry.

My in laws are lovely and we definitely adopt the " take us as you find us" approach. I used to be paranoid early on and I am not nearly as tidy as my hygene freak MIL, but it's tough, it's our house, our (relaxed) rules and it seems to work fine as they keep coming back! If they want to stay 5 days, take it as a compliment. You must have done something right last time.

THIRZAH

If they are staying for five days they could take you out for at least one meal.
What do they normally eat for breakfast-if they are just toast and marmalade people don't bother to get anything else in.
If you don't want to make soup Tesco have some of the Covent Garden ones on offer at the moment.
For main meals I'd stick to fairly straightforward things like shepherds pie, lasagne, steak and mushroom pie etc.Make as much as you can beforehand and freeze it so she thinks you are very organised.

My MIL used to tidy my drawers and cupboards too. She said she was helping-I thought it was just plain nosiness.It would make me so cross and as I daren't say anything to her I used to take it out on poor DH.It did make me learn to keep my cupboards very tidy though so she couldn't catch me out.

My one consolation was that I am a much better cook than she is-

Chipps

Why not just decide to enjoy the visit, surely they are coming to visit you* for your company. It's obvious they are too far away to visit very often, so make the most of the time and relax. You have had some great suggestions about what sort of food. Make it healthy, filling & economical, and its a good idea to have some of it prepared in advance (eg if you are making bolognaise sauce, cook double & freeze half - do that every so often with similar types of meal & your main meals will be pretty much sorted.

Hopefully you will have a nice time & get to know each other better.

But if not? Well, let that be their problem, not yours. Naturally as his parents they love OH & are concerned. But if concern & care passes the barrier which becomes interference, that is when problems can arise. Hopefully that won't happen & you - and they - can enjoy their visit. Anyway, it won't be forever!

Relax, decide to enjoy the time together & not fuss too much. You're not (well, you shouldn't be!) trying to impress them, just spend some family time together.

Hope it goes well.

esmf73

We went for lunch and afternoon tea with one of my husbands aunts recently - she is a fantastic cook and I know wouldn't waste anything.

What we had at lunch was a luxurious chicken hash (basically left over chicken in a very creamy white sauce, topped with breadcrumbs and dotted with butter - then cooked in the oven) along with lots of veg - looked yummy. Pudding was then a cheesecake, jelly for the kids and chocolate pots (which is a variation of a Nigella recipe - melted dark chocolate mixed with cream which then sets).

Afternoon tea was all out of the storecupboard as she'd obviously been baking and had kept things in preparation. A lovely sponge cake, some scotch pancakes, some shortbread and gingercake. It probably didn't cost as much as I'd have thought - it was all about the presentation of it - looked and tasted gorgeous.

Caterina

Poor you Barneysmum. I really feel for you having to cope with nosy, rude MIL for 5 days. My suggestion is: if this is unavoidable (e.g. cannot tell them NOT TO COME!) then you need to

1 - Make your boundaries very clear in advance with your DH

2 - Ask him for unconditional support (understanding that he will feel caught betewen the devil and the deep blue sea in these circumstances).

3 - Organise some "unavoidable" outing for yourself, something that you might claim "has been booked for a long time" and you cannot get out of (be creative!) so you can have at least ONE evening to yourself, with friends or even on your own at the cinema/pub/gym/wherever convenient for you.

4 - Treat this event as you would treat an unexpected inconvenience (a bit like a broken washing machine), and invest some money to make your life a bit more bearable (e.g. buy a few ready-made food items such as battered cod in packs, frozen ready-cut veg etc...) to make the cooking easier. Also, prepare food in advance so you do not have to slave on the cooker under MIL's eye! Make a tray of lasagne in advance, freeze and defrost when needed, have one takeaway (if you cook your own rice it usually works out a lot cheaper) etc... It may cost more than your usual food plan but it is only for a few days and hopefully not a frequent occurrence. They might suggest to take you out for one dinner to thank you for the stay (it would be really the minimum they can do to thank you for your hospitality).

5 - I know it might be difficult to ask for a contribution - but if they offer spontaneously, thank them and accept, suggest they make one shopping or share the cost of the shopping you make!

Up to this point we have been making assumptions that they are a nuisance, but are they really? Could they be fun/entertaining/useful/pleasant to be with at all? If you can see the situation from a positive point and get determined not to let MIL cricicism get to you, you could turn the nuisance into a pleasant event for all concerned (I hope).

And, let me repeat the vital rule:

Set boundaries early on and agree them with your DH - his support in all this is going to be the make-or-break of this visit.

Best of luck, let us know how it goes!

shellsuit

If a guest in my home critisised the way we live, I'd show them the bloody door, close relatives or not!

Caterina

I agree with Shellsuit in normal circumstances, but sometimes it is very difficult to do such thing with the in-laws because you put marital peace in jeopardy. If things got really bad it would be up to the person whose parents the offending people are to put them in their place.

I had a very similar situation for many years with DH's aunt (she is our version of MIL, due to DH's childhood circumstances - he lost his mum when he was very young), This aunt used to do exactly what Barneysmum is complaining about, she would come into my home and criticise very heavily everything and anything, my person, my lifestyle, you name it and she would have a dig at it.

I put up with it for a while until DH (who was DH-to-be still) and I decided to get married - by this time our babies were already born. She had criticised me very badly (not to my face, I hasten to add) for having children out of wedlock, so I thought the situation would take a turn for the better once we got married, But NO! When DH-to-be told her that we were getting married, she said: "Don't marry her, she is fat, lazy and a loudmouth!" (BTW: guilty as charged LOL).

Credit to him, when she asked whether she was invited to the wedding he said no! From that time I put my foot down and refused to have her into my home. I agreed with DH that as he loved her and she obviously loved him and the babies, they could continue to see her but they would have to visit her. And I stopped trekking it all the way to Yorkshire with them. Bliss.

All this, though, put a strain of sadness on DH, who really suffered for the situation. So after a few months following the death of her husband (who had also been heavily critical of me - because I was a "bloody foreigner" no less!), I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and started seeing her again, even invited her to Italy with me to visit my family.

It was a hard thing to do because she just did not know how to be respectful of me, but with patience and the support of DH I managed to befriend her enough to be able to restore the family peace. Not easy but worth it in the end. As I lost my anger towards her I found a lot of things in common with her and often ask her advice about crafts, sewing, knitting - but not cooking. God forbid! She is a staunch believer in tinned food LOL

I hope that Barneysmum will be able to find a good balance and even manage to enjoy her in-law's visit, it might be possible with goodwill from all.

Norman_Bean

To keep costs down you need to plan all the meals in adavnce.

Toast and cereal are fine for breakfasts.

Make big batches and freeze cheap to make soups for lunches.

Cheap stews, casseroles for evenings - pasta bake? macoroni cheese? a padded out spag bol, midget portions of mince for all ... Just think of all your cheapest meals and plan those for the visit x

You can always ask them to bring a contribution if things are really tight - some wine or nibbles or a quiche or a big cake or something x

Good luck x

oh and tell your Husband to ask his mum not to be so bleeding rude to you in your own home! x