I've made a huge mistake

uolypool

Hi I used to get child matinance for my children from their dad via csa directly , it was going well but he said he couldn't have the children to stay as he couldn't afford to have them stay over due to the amount he was paying to the csa, well whilst i believe that he should pay towards their upkeep i also believe he should have regular time with them so as there had been no problems whilst he was paying via csa i agreed to accept a lower amount of money as matinance in exchange for him regularly spending time with his children,well as i'm on esa benefit due to having health issues i agreed on £20 weekly and that he would have the children to stay every other weekend from the friday when he finished work through to teatime on the sunday.Well the first few weeks was fine apart from the fact he paid in cash then all began to change he started saying that he couldn't have the children some weekends as he had to work overtime which i can understand thinking that perhaps he would spend some on his children as a treat for them as this is why he said he was doing the overtime.Then the money started to dwindle ,some weeks it was £20 others it was as low as £5 and now it has become nothing most weeks with a torrid of excuses well the csa case wasn't closed it was put on hold i've finally come to the end of my tether with yet another excuse tonight i'm going to go back to csa, what i would like to know is will we have to be reaccessed or will they just go back to what the accessment was and roughly how long will it take to get up and running again so to speak , lastly we have no records stupidly of what he paid and when even though i have noted everything in my diary not that this proves or doesn't prove a thing he will say that he paid £20 every week without fail even though he never

kelloggs36

If it wasn't that long ago and you went to direct pay, then they should be able to collect the arrears due. If it is a long time ago, they may need to reassess.

uolypool

no it was only a matter of months ago that we went to direct pay even though it was only several months ago its been long enough to mess me and the kids around, and also I've read on here and contributed to a thread that has said that as from April 2010 a pwc recieving matinance from nrp will be allowed to keep all of matinance and benefit is that correct do you know

kelloggs36

yes it is correct - I would go back to the CSA and tell them he hasn't paid all he owes you and you would like the arrears collected. If he hasn't had the children regularly he won't be entitled to the shared care discount. He has been a fool.

uolypool

many thanks kelloggs he has had them once since Christmas , and even then it was only one of them that staid with him , I will contact CSA in the morning and get the ball rolling and prepare myself for the backlash from him when he realises that he has messed up big time

uolypool

omg things just got a whole lot worse, I mentioned to a good friend of mine that I was sick him messing me and kids about and was going to go back to the CSA, well her boyfriend was with her and he went and repeated it back to him last night whilst he was in a pub in town The cheek of it, no money for his kids but money for booze!!!Anyway half two this morning I was woken by a phone call saying he wanted to talk, I stupidly said come round then and we will talk which we did till I said something he didn't like then i got a clout on the head where he threw a coffee cup at me. I told him to leave but he just went into a rage and started smashing my lounge up neighbours called the police and they carted him off just been informed by local beat officer that they are charging him with assault and criminal damage !! so now terrified of what to do next , do i call the csa and risk another kick off from him or do i not all i know for definate is the kids won't be staying at his again, will be making a solicitors appointment first thing monday morning

missmontana

Call the CSA, tell them what has happened. I'm sure he won't risk coming round again and causing trouble. Do you have any friends that can come stay with you? I did this when my friend was going through something similar with her ex, so she wasn't alone in the house.

bonjovibel_729

hiya sorry to hear what happened with regards to the arrears i was on csa payments until my ex asked to go back to direct pay i did so as he was quite good paying through the csa and thought i cud trust him then i started getting the excuses some weeks rec nothing so i went back to csa and asked htem to start collecting again i asked them about the past few months where he had paid nothing whilst on direct pay and they said they could not collect arrears from this period only from the date i contacted them asking them to collect....

Blonde_Bint

uolypool wrote: »

omg things just got a whole lot worse, I mentioned to a good friend of mine that I was sick him messing me and kids about and was going to go back to the CSA, well her boyfriend was with her and he went and repeated it back to him last night whilst he was in a pub in town The cheek of it, no money for his kids but money for booze!!!Anyway half two this morning I was woken by a phone call saying he wanted to talk, I stupidly said come round then and we will talk which we did till I said something he didn't like then i got a clout on the head where he threw a coffee cup at me. I told him to leave but he just went into a rage and started smashing my lounge up neighbours called the police and they carted him off just been informed by local beat officer that they are charging him with assault and criminal damage !! so now terrified of what to do next , do i call the csa and risk another kick off from him or do i not all i know for definate is the kids won't be staying at his again, will be making a solicitors appointment first thing in the morning

:eek: for definate re-instate the csa to collect the childrens maintenance money for you. If bullies get away with it once they know its a tactic they can use again. No need for crockery throwing specially not at that time in the morning. you are doing nothing wrong in having the csa collect the CM for you again, and if you want my advice once everything is in place never be tempted to put them on hold again. if he has a moan after 6 months just pleasantly tell him, its no hardship and its just keeping the i's dotted and the tee's crossed for both of you. important word that one both:)


and my sympathies for your night time aggro, it must have been confusing for you too after just being woken up and probably still groggy with sleep:mad: the bustard.

uolypool

thank you all for your replies, I feel such a fool firstly for ever going onto direct payment and secondly for everything that happened early hours of this morning, my neice and her partner are going to stay for a few days and nights just till i can get to see a solicitor and put some wheels in motion to stop him coming near the house or me and kids, who until about an hour ago i thought had slept through it but they had actually heard it all but were to frightened to come down, one of them was once on the recieving end of a slap off him when i was out the house when we lived together but was to scared what would happen if he told me .The kids are so screwed up but i think i've only just realised how much .

missmontana

Best you keep him away from both you and your children then for the time being.
Glad you have someone with you, keep focused and stay strong :A