need help reassuring my dh

savingmummy

This may be V long but i`ll try my very best to keep it to the point!

DH got a car on finance and after a few repayments he got a bank loan to pay the car outright.
He then had the bank loan as his only debt which would of gone by now BUT without me knowing he struggled one month to repay the loan, got overdrawn!
Wages went in and didnt cover overdraft, so he was still overdrawn BUT he continued to take cash out and pay our bills.:mad:
I had just had our 2nd baby and he felt he couldnt tell me so while i was in hospital he went back to bank for advise :eek:
I dont agree with loans or credit cards and always go on about these so i may be in fault for him not telling me.

They (HSBC) got him to take out a loan on top to pay overdraft and loan repayment missed and then spread over 10 yrs (management loan), minimal mthly payments to suit his income.
I would never of agreed with this and am so mad but keep calm infront of him. He has learning difficulties so is not really clued up at all and needs his hand held quite a lot!

This loan wont be paid until Aug 2018 DH is sad about this but i have got him to forget the loan debt, he has opened a new bank account with a different bank his wages and DD`s going in and the bank which holds the loan i now pay each month - so he can in a way forget about his debt! I thought this would help and he is so grateful i`ve done this.

Right my question....
DH is feeling so down about what he did and feels guilty this has wrecked our future regarding buying our house, home improvements, holidays etc.
How can i reassure him or make him feel better, nothing i say or do is helping and his carrying an awful amount of guilt

Anyone been through the same? how can i lift his spirits? How has this affected our future?

gonzo127

Hi well i just want to say your husband really is lucky to have you, which is probably why he is feeling guilty. however i am unsure as to what you can do to make him feel better it might just be time he requires to get his head around 'what has happened has happened and you just need to learn from these mistakes and move forward'

now the one thing that has stood out in that for me is this line
"They (HSBC) got him to take out a loan on top to pay overdraft and loan repayment missed and then spread over 10 yrs (management loan), minimal mthly payments to suit his income."

Now I BELIEVE it is against OFT guidelines to pressure or even suggest taking out a loan to cover other debts, this might even be more of an issue depending on how severe his learning difficulties are, and this could be raised as an issue for mis-selling of the loan to allow it to be written off, however since I am not a expert I would suggest speaking to one of the debt charities to see where you stand with this

savingmummy

Thank you.
When he initially told me about this i was really shocked and angry. He said he went to the bank and they told him the only way to sort the mess was to top up the loan and of course hearing this he accepted. He signed and agreed to it all.
I`m not entirely sure who but he did this over the phone in the bank itself and paperwork i have found (he hid it) is lettered black horse - i have a feeling it is dmp which is official.
He is dyslexic - unable to read or write at all. He has no idea about costs, aprs or anything `detailed`.
I suppose in panic he just assumed this was the answer to the problem.

I should add the HSBC account is a joint account BUT all the paperwork is in my DH`s name and i never had to sign or agree with this.
Are financial products allowed to be sold to one person from a joint?x

alison999

Just try and think of it this way. He did all that b/c he didnt want to worry you and 'spoil' the birth of your 2nd child. He did have good intentions.

savingmummy

alison999 wrote: »

Just try and think of it this way. He did all that b/c he didnt want to worry you and 'spoil' the birth of your 2nd child. He did have good intentions.

I agree with you, i know now he must of been very scared about telling me so kept it to himself until he couldnt cope anymore
I am not angry or showing any `nasty` emotion to him.
I advise and offer my full support hence me taking on the debt, i thought it would relieve the pressure for him but it hasnt helped much x