50/50 Custody

LadyJ81

Me and my ex have been separated for 5 years. For the benefit of the children we agreed by ourselves to have joint care of our two children.

This means that every other week they stay at his house for a whole week. Then they are at my house for a whole week.

During my ex's 'week' I still see a lot of the children ie: collecting from school, giving them tea etc etc I even have them all day on the Saturday for him.
He only collects them at 6pm and puts them to bed by 7.30pm. So during his week they are only with him a hand full of hours.
The CSA tho calculate on overnight stays not on who is actually providing the most care.
As a result of this I get £26 a week for both children!!!!

Does anyone know if there is another way?
The CSA don't care who pays for there food, petrol for school run, new clothes etc but surely £26 is an insult to his own children???

AnxiousMum

If he is being allowed a portion because he has 50/50 custody - should he not be using that savings as a benefit towards his children?

Have you tried asking your ex if he would be prepared to contribute towards their food/transportation costs while you are caring for them while it is his week? The alternative would be to tell him to get a paid babysitter for the kids after school to do what you do - but I'm sure you are doing this so that you can spend more time with your children and have them in what you believe is the best circumstances (as most mum's/dads would).

I take it that you have the kids during these times as he is out working? I think that the fact that they get to spend tme with both of you is great - but would be better if you are on talking terms with him that you could bring this up to him and see what he says. The CSA cannot cover every situation - you're right they don't care who pays for what - as long as the children are provided for. Under their rules, the children are provided for by giving you child support, and ensuring that the dad has enough left over to provide the things needed during his time with them - just so happens that you are providing that as well.

Hopefully he's easy to talk to and will take on board what you are saying.

missmontana

Its not exactly 50/50 custody then is it? why are you still doing all this if he is supposed to be taking care of them, surely you would be better if he just had them at the weekends or something?
I understand you are trying to do the best for the children, but what about you?? As Mum suggests, why does he not provide after school care on his weeks?

LadyJ81

I was the one that left the relationship so agreed to the arrangement to ease my own guilt! I'd much rather be the one collecting them from school even if it is his week.
He moans abouth the amount he already has to pay. He likes the idea of being a hands on dad although i'd argue that hands on isn't necessarily a good dad - if I dont step in on his week, they wouldn't have seen a shower or flannel for 7 days!!!!
I'd love to get full custody, but in the eyes of the court they would rather keep the routine that the children have!

shell_542

Unfortunately, it works both ways. There are plenty of NRP's who have a child all day, pick up after breakfast and don't drop home until just before bed ... so has all the expenses associated with the child during the day but as that child goes back and sleeps in the PWC's house that night, the CSA don't class it as an overnight.

There's nothing you can do other than have the children stay overnight more often to raise the child support ... but then is that fair on the children if they are already settled into this routine and like spending the time at their dad's that they do?

shell_542

Do you claim the child benefit and tax credits yourself?

Found_true_love

AnxiousMum wrote: »

If he is being allowed a portion because he has 50/50 custody - should he not be using that savings as a benefit towards his children?

Have you tried asking your ex if he would be prepared to contribute towards their food/transportation costs while you are caring for them while it is his week? The alternative would be to tell him to get a paid babysitter for the kids after school to do what you do - but I'm sure you are doing this so that you can spend more time with your children and have them in what you believe is the best circumstances (as most mum's/dads would).

I take it that you have the kids during these times as he is out working? I think that the fact that they get to spend tme with both of you is great - but would be better if you are on talking terms with him that you could bring this up to him and see what he says. The CSA cannot cover every situation - you're right they don't care who pays for what - as long as the children are provided for. Under their rules, the children are provided for by giving you child support, and ensuring that the dad has enough left over to provide the things needed during his time with them - just so happens that you are providing that as well.

Hopefully he's easy to talk to and will take on board what you are saying.

I totally agree with Mum, talk to him say that as you are providing them with lunch tea etc it costs a bit more, dont dare go close to saying you want paying for your time, that make you no better than a babysitter and he will close in on this point even as far as saying you are a surrogate mother!

You sound as if you have the correct attitude to care for oyur children but a bit more to pay for thier extra food is all you are asking for (maybe the equivalent cost of a school dinner each time they eat?) say £1.50 x 2 x 5 = £15 per week extra, put it in those terms and he would bit understanding im sure.

But something is bothering me, when you say on his week he is supposed to be looking after them they stay at your house, arn't they at school?

If so then what happens, do you pick them up from his house take them to school and pick them up again? In than case if he picks them up at 6.00 then you only have them an extra 3 hours a day.

Can you please explain?