How can i make him see he has a problem!

fieryleo1984

Hey Everyone, im having real problems at the moment. Im constantly argueing with partner about money..he spends it willy nilly and its really getting me down!

Im on a dmp and maternity leave so ive told him its important that he budgets and he needs to keep both me and baby etc. My dmp only leaves me with £9 a month after everything is paid so I cant even afford to buy baby milk and nappies.

Basically he is in a sales job so every months pay is different..he never checks his payslip or his bank account so will just spend spend spend untill theres nothing left which is usually by the end of the first week! Its like hes trying to live a "false life" and keep up with his single friends.

He never opens his post so hes not on top of his bills ( i end up opening then and feel guilty afterwards!).

For example he took out a car loan in 2005 and is not even halfway paying it off! Hes got over £1000 worth of charges, the only way i found that out is because i opened it as he had just left it on the side for weeks. I mean what a waste of money!

Im beginning to think if he doesnt sort himself out we will end up splitting up, i cant cope with the stess and having to keep going on at him.

x

Sagz_2

I think you've got to tell him straight. You'll soon have your hands full looking after a baby so he will have to GROW UP and face up to things.

How about doing an SOA together?
Get him to fess up to all his debts and outgoings and hopefully this will show him in black and white where the money is going and where savings can be made so HE can support HIS child.

Best of luck xx

fieryleo1984

baby is already here so its already quite stressful anyway as he works such long hours. I breastfed for 10 weeks so we didnt need to buy formula but had to give up as she wasnt getting enough so now thats a extra £8 a week on formula milk.
He just hates talking about money, ive tried so many times. Ive written a plan for him ie:

on payday check how much been paid and plan budget for month
make sure all bills are upto date
buy 5 boxes of milk and 2 packs of nappies
packed lunches everyday
etc etc

But it doesnt seem to work. I wish he had sensible friends who could keep him in line but like i said they are single in the there mid20's and also abusing there creditcards to live lifestyles they cant afford

dib-dab

I agree with Norbertsmum - luckily my husband and I are on the same wavelength when it comes to our debt and I don't know what I would do if he wasn't - we are each other's voice of reason when one of us feels like we 'deserve' to go out or buy something and instead we work together to think of ways to still enjoy ourselves without spending a fortune and learning to say no.

He maybe doesn't realise how serious it is and that you are considering leaving him. I think you need to have a serious chat with him and tell him exactly how you are feeling. It can take a long time to realise that your debt is a problem so maybe has just never really thought about how much money he is wasting and the problems it is causing in his relationship. Hope you can get through to him.

Zazen999

fieryleo1984 wrote: »

baby is already here so its already quite stressful anyway as he works such long hours. I breastfed for 10 weeks so we didnt need to buy formula but had to give up as she wasnt getting enough so now thats a extra £8 a week on formula milk.
He just hates talking about money, ive tried so many times. Ive written a plan for him ie:

on payday check how much been paid and plan budget for month
make sure all bills are upto date
buy 5 boxes of milk and 2 packs of nappies
packed lunches everyday
etc etc

But it doesnt seem to work. I wish he had sensible friends who could keep him in line but like i said they are single in the there mid20's and also abusing there creditcards to live lifestyles they cant afford

I think it's going to need alot more than this; but if he is in denial then plans like this will end up in the bin.

Have you done a SOA for you both?

ceejaydee23

OMG, I sooo feel for you! I think the only way you might beable to help him see what he is doing to you both, is to work it all out for him, and then spell it out! that if he doesn't buck him ideas up, he will be left on his own to face it! and he does need to GROW UP!

ladybez

You have my sympathy!! My OH also suffers from ostrich syndrome and doesn't see what his debt is doing to the family. I'm luckier than you because I have been able to make sure I am financially independant. If you can produce a joint SOA you could post it on here for people to make suggestions for you BUT also show it to your OH maybe that will bring it home what the situation is

Completely_Confused_2

I agree with ceejay!

You cannot do this on your own. Leaving aside the stress a new baby brings, your OH is being completely selfish and this is not helping you!

You've obviously had your LB moment and are already on a DMP and all power to you, so the last thing you need is to have him drag you down again where you're stressing about having enough money to feed your baby.

You definitely need to spell this out for him. You have a baby to look after - you don't need another one! And if he doesn't man up to his responsibilities, I know what I'd do.

Good luck sweetheart xx

alison999

I didnt want to read and run since I know how desperate you feel, heres a bit of my story...

My o/h used to be like that and even walked out on his job. He came in to tell me at work work that he'd taken our dd out of nursery! We had sort of talked about it and he took that as a green light.

I wasnt impressed, I was only 21 at the time myself and we had a mortage then too.

BUT, that was four years ago and we've both grown up a lot now, your o/h needs to understand that now youre parents he needs to look beyond the coming week.

Do a soa together, then however much 'spare' money you have divide it by four and then you have that much left to spend however you both wish to.

The only thing my o/h has now is Sky. Id like to get rid of the movies/sports but I know how hard he works and it really is his only 'luxury'. We dont go out/drink/smoke and barely ever buy new clothes for ourselves.