Feel like throwing the towel in.

angie12

Hi guys
I don't post very much but, I come on this site every day. Please don't bollock me, I'm feeling low enough as it is.
Me and my boyfriend of 30 years have struggled all our lives. ( He's 53, I'm 50 this year.) We bought our council home in 1988 and have brought up 5 lads in it, only one left at home now. :j
I've had mental health problems for 28 years now and no sign of them going away.I've also suffered throughout with alopecia. I have tried working a few times, the longest job lasting 12 weeks. I was also diagnosed with an Autoimmune disease (Lupus) and have been on DLA since 2004.
Over the years, we have struggled on one wage and have taken out remortgages to pay debts when they have got out of hand and also for essential household repairs, household appliances ect...
I have always been the one to try manage the money over the years, not very successfully. I didn't know anything about interest rates, re-mortgage fees and such until I found this site. I've learned quite a lot about where I have been going wrong. but, I still don't understand enough to know what to do now.
We've now hit rock bottom. My fella was laid off in September and is now my carer, although he would take a job tommorow, but, there just aren't any about at the moment.
We had to make an arrangement for last months mortgage and today had to pay them every penny we got benefit. We have another £100 to pay tommorow and that's it then, only £50 to last us a fortnight. I will also be unable to pay my CC and secured loans. I know there are people who are far worse off than us. We've been in this position many, many times before and I've always sorted it out the only way I've known how, by getting a loan. We can't do that now being on benefits.
I keep feeling a terrible wave of shame washing over me at the thought of missing my debts, there's no way they can be paid next month but for the first time ever, I feel I've lost the will to fight on. I'm just so, so tired, physically and mentally. We don't go out, we don't do anything really, except smoke.:o We're both on antedepressants, he's got high blood pressure and I've just had an ECG (Results next week.) because mine is sky high now too. We've had a horrible year due to a serious family incident.
The problem is, what to do now. We owe all in all, £49000 out, that includes the mortgage. If we sell up, we'll probably get about £110.000, as it's a 4 bedroomed, which doesn't leave us enough to buy another house.
If we sell and rent, I'm worried the money won't last us very long paying private rent. I now honestly wish we hadn't bought all those years ago because through my being so thick with money, it's been nothing but an eternal worry.
One minute we decide to sell, then, I panick and change my mind. I'm so scared of making yet another disastrous decision. So, the question is: What would you do. Stick it out for the 16 years until we're mortgage free or sell up?
Sorry for rambling on, I'm just feeling totally c***.

[Deleted User]

I`m sorry you feel so low,but its always darkest before the dawn,you`ve taken a first great step in talking about your fears and problems.My advice would be to immediately seek help from citizens advice they will help negotiate with all the people you owe money to,also get them to do a benefits check to make sure you are getting every penny you should be getting.
Dont make any decisions until you have talked it all thru with CAB they will be a great help.
good luck
john

missile

Not a good position to be in. It is oh so easy to get into debt but a lot harder to get out of it.

Try to look forward, don't beat yourself up about mistakes or things which you could have better in the past. Your council property has to be worth a lot more than what you paid in '88?

You might get a better response on Debtfree Wannabe forum.

mouseymousey99

Just found your post and didn't want to read and run. I hope things seem a bit better this morning.
Good advice from woodbine about trying to sort it out. You will feel better if you can reclaim control a bit. There is a lot of information on this site about money problems and where to get good free advice.
The money is one side of your life. Perhaps you need to focus on other things too? Being positive you and the chap are still together. You have a succesful realtionship, you have worked and that. You have brought up 5 sons.
Maybe instead of thinking of the future as a huge ball it would help to think more about each day try to make shorter term goals.
Would it help to have a bit of 'counselling' through the GP? I used to dismiss it, but I was wrong, it is good to have an inpartial chat sometimes.
You really never know what is around the corner. Instead of the fags, a lot of stuff is free, get yourself a bit of fresh air.
All best wishes....Mx

Edinburghlass_2

I'll pop this up to the DFW board where the folk there will help you shave every last 1p off your low budget.

Meantime get on to CAB immediately and check out www.entitledto.com

angie12

Hi everyone.
Thank you for your kind replies.
Mousey, we are going to do what woodbine and you suggest. I did fill in that CCS (I think) debt management form Last year, it actually told me they couldn't help at all as we had no money left to make any offers. I was shocked.
I did it again last week and suddenly felt so overwhelmed I didn't make the phone call. You are right, I need to stop looking at the bigger picture because it is helping to make me feel it's all pointless.
Missile, you are right about my 'beating myself up.' I do have a problem forgiving myself for my past mistakes. Probably because I just keep on flaming making them:o that's why I daren't make a move now without a bit of advice.
Tedsd, I do go to councelling, in fact, I have an appointment tomorrow, I haven't seen her since Oct as she's been off sick.
I've never mentioned our money worries because I didn't consider them to be a councelling problem. I do blame my depression for making me unable to make good decisions and especially, not being able to cope more than a few weeks with work. But, I will mention it to her tomorrow.
Thank you all for your support, I will let you know how we get on.
Angie

honeybear_2

Hi Angie

Sending you lots of big hugs cos you sound like you need them

The advice on the debt & CAB on here already is sound & I can't add to that. What I can say from personal experience is I had a bout of CBT councelling in my past & I didn't talk about everything that was causing my depression. In hindsight I should have done as the things I didn't talk about only continued to cause me problems. Please talk it through & keep posting on here too

Look after yourself

yellowduck_2

Hi nthere Angie, really felt I had to post, please talk to your counsellor about the money stress if you feel you are able to. Like you I have had a life long battle with depression but thanks to medication and a brilliant CPN am coping really well. I have a debt issue that I am going to talk to her about at my next appt. I have learnt that when I was ill in the past I dd not talk about all the stuff that was affecting me, don't know if not opening up and putting a bit of a face of it is part of the illness. Anyway, when I had my assessment one of the questons was "do you have any debt problems", at the time I did not as was stil working but I have now as lost my job. Less about me, from your posts you come across as a great mum, a loving partner and you express yourself so well. it sounds like you are having a tough time and I hope that coming on this site makes you feel less troubled. Best wishes

savingmummy

Hi
Sorry to hear you are struggling!
It sounds like you`ve been through a lot and must be very hard for you right now.
Everyone has helped out with advise regarding CAB.

If you do an up to date SOA we may beable to help you with outgoings and see if we can get some extras each month.

Counselling is good and please do mention your money problems too as it all adds onto your depression and then your counsellor will know the full story behind how your feeling!

I know you are smokers and it is hard to just STOP! (i`m not nagging just advising) Not only will this help your finances it will really help health wise, especially your hubbys high bloodpressure - which is a concern in itself.
Have you been to see your GP nurse regarding stopping?
Me and my DH used to smoke right up until recently and realised we were spending £280 approx a month! Our GP nurse put us both on medication (Champix), and so far so good. Patches etc never worked for us and we had tried several times to pack up.
There is a support forum on here too which has a fab support base.
I really hope your feeling better now you have us here, feel free to vent if you need to it is good to talk! x