No job, no husband - no money! Help.. :(

Cyclechick

Hi all

Could really do with some advice...!

My husband of 6 yrs announced to me about 4 days ago that he doesn't love me anymore and is going to be looking for a job in London and is going to move back in with his mum... Anyway, the prob is that we own our house outright and live with my mum and we have a lot of debt.. I don't even know where to start!!

I did have a good job in marketing but was made redundant at the end of July.... I am looking for another job but I am not sure if I will get a salary that is large enough to cover all our debts and keep us (me, my daughter from a previous relationship and my mum) all in the same house. I don't want to move because that would be very hard on my daughter. She is upset enough as it is as she considers my husband her dad.

I feel - am I right - that there is no point in me getting a minimum wage type job as actually the difference between that and me being on benefits will not even be worth the trouble - I know that's politically the wrong thing to say but be honest with me!

So ideally I need the kind of work I had before- and I have had two interviews for such jobs this week, however there is a catch, I can't drive. I was planning to take an intensive driving course if I get one of the jobs and put this on the credit card and hope and pray that I pass ... speculate to accumulate so to speak. The trouble is that my mum thinks I am living with my head in the clouds and she thinks I should just go out and get bar work or whatever I can find!! But that's not going to help the situation...

My husband has said he will continue to pay in his wage into our joint account until I get another job but my mum is getting very angry with him and saying she just wants him to leave NOW, but I don't think she is thinking rationally and seeing the bigger picture...

I don't want to sell our house but she seems to think that is the only way forward.. I am thinking is there a way to wipe off my debts and keep the house?? I don't know

Our house is worth £230k roughly and I have a loan with Tesco of about £9,000 (home improvements) and a virgin credit card with £6,600 on it and a Capital one card with £200 on it.

My husband and I have been unhappy for a long time and I think we have lost ourselves in spending. I am so depressed. Please don't be harsh on me, I know we've been idiots.

I just need to know how to make things right for the future I have been left with.

Thank you xx

yellowduck_2

I am so sorry to hear of your troubles, I would suggest that you get in touch with the CAB or similar agency as soon as you can and have a look at what benefits you may be able to get either in work or not working and maybe make some decisons when you are able to see it written down. Other than that I hope that others on this forum will be along soon to offer advice as I don't have the knowledge. I am guessing that there wiil be a lot of heightened emotion from all of you in the household at this time (you, husband, mum and daughter) which makes it hard to plan and be rational. Give yourself a bit of time for the shock to wear off before making any big decisons. You will get through this and find a way to a better life.

fritillaria

Gosh, you must be feeling a bit all over the place! I'm just a lurker really (came on just now to stop myself searching the internet for things to spend money on!) so not the best person to advise.
I'm guessing that someone will ask for your SOA and also probably need to know if you built up these debts with your husband and if he was going to help pay them back.
It also sounds like your mother plays a large role in your life. She will only want to help - which I understand - but unless her advice comes with a lot of knowledge I would take it with a pinch of salt and not let her push you into anything.
She will just be wanting to protect you but shouldn't be getting involved in matters that are between you and your husband.
As for working out what you could gain in benefits compared to min wage job, it would probably be best to speak to CAB and/or have a look at entitledto.co.uk.

Best of luck in the future and hopefully you'll get all the help you need.
x

*MF*

Hi ...

Agree with both the above posters - go the the CAB and check out what benefits you are entitled to, that gives you a starting point.

Click on this link, for info about what an SOA (state of affairs) is, and how completing one and posting it in your thread here, will help members then help you:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=107280

It would also help if you could clarify what is in your name, and what is in joint names, - what is that position with the house, the loan and the credit cards?

Take care ...

DVardysShadow

Where is your mum in all of this? Does she have a stake in the house? If she doesn't she should deffo keep out of it and even if she does, it looks like her intervention might cause more issues.

DarkConvict

Selling and downsizing could work, but with having about £10k of costs with doing this, its not a cheap option. Who owns the house, you say its our house, you and your soon to be ex, or is your mom involved too? If so you only have £115K if you were to sell up as your splitting. 3 bedroom house at that price, you'll be hard pressed and need a mortgage, but with no real income you might not get a mortgage. So Part buy in with a housing accosiation and pay rent (which comes as a benefit maybe)

As your on benefits, your income is in a way £0 as the benefits are used for basic living and care costs of the kids.
As you say getting a low paid job will not help, it reduces benefits and thus all you achieve is now having less time with your children.

Getting a professional job is the best way forward, increase income and make payments.

Are these debts in your name only?

JamieT1977

If you get a low paid job you can claim for working tax credits, which can be up to £50 a week extra on top of your wage.
So its best to gain advice, think I was told by my job centre that they help you work out what you would get on benefits compared to if you were working. And which would be the best route for you.
As already asked are the debts in your name only?If not this shares out the debts to your husband. Lessening the pressure on you.

roger196

Please confirm legally married. In whose names is the matrimonial home held. Who paid the deposit and how much. Who paid mortgage,if any. Did you have any form of pre-nup. Does natural father of daughter contribute (via CSA if necessary).
You need to start to discuss with husband the split of assets. This should be on a provisional basis until you have agreement on all financial matters. Along the lines, if I allow you to take the cd's then can I keep the fishknives. Also discuss access arrangements re daughter. The more you can keep solicitors out of the negotiations the cheaper and less confrontational they should be.
Assume you have tried relate.
Posting your SOA is essential for help.

hattiefats

Just want to say keep your chin up. Hope it all works out.

tallyhoh

I have just looked on entitledto & with guessing a few of your details on minimum wage you could get approx £100 per week child & working tax credit (approx £50 last year).

Please check yourself with more accurate details. www.entitledto.co.uk

Good Luck

mrcow

I think your mother is right about the driving.

What's that going to do? Add a pile of debt....and then what? Cars are expensive to run. If you didn't need a car last time you worked, why do you think you need it now? Loads of us have got by just fine using what transport is available.

Don't add to you debt. You'll only create mess - and for very little point.