selling up to start a debt-free life- scary!

sammey90

Hi

just a few things that might help you feel better (hopefully)

- when I was growing up, we never had an 'owned house' and the council house we moved to when I was 11 was the best house I've eve lived in (cos my mum is a star!). My mum only bought a house at the age of 52!!

- I don't own my house, and my DD loves where we live - like others have said, it doesn't matter.

- it sounds like your kids are around 4-5? I doubt they'll even remember the house that you want to leave!

- when my dad died 2 yrs ago, no amount of money in the world would've made me feel better.

It's what's right for you and your family that counts, stuff everyone else. Also, consider what they may be hiding behind their glossy image of 'perfection' that you wanted to keep up with?

Sx

cavework

Prosaic , When your kids grow up they are not going to remember you for what house you lived in, what flash car you drove or the designer clothes you wore.
They will have memories of the fantastic parents you were and how their happiness was your main concern in life.
We are doing exactly the same thing as you and I have absolutely no regrets.
Heres wishing you and your family a wonderful new future together.

nicnacnoo

my friends are about to go thru this now, ive just texted my mate to have a look at this thread and i hope she does and finds it reasurring that shes not the only one going thru it and its not that bad. Good luck

Snippa

I really dont want the kids to tell me when theyre older how I wrecked their future by selling the family home, but we feel like this debt is like a form of slavery

You could never wreck a kids future by selling a house. Whether you rent or own is irrelevant - it's whether you're happy and the kids are secure and loved. It sounds like owning, and the amount of debt your in was making you miserable.

It's always a horrible stress moving, buying, selling, and there will always be nerves and worries. Don't be surprised if the first couple of nights in the new place are worrying too (I always find that when I move anywhere). But I'm sure the relief of being debt free will completely over-ride that.

And yes, the property market might shoot up making it hard to get back. It equally might tank if the recession double dips, and is long drawn out. There's no question there's a huge amount of the financial crisis still to play out. When interest rates start rising people in your situation (which is, I believe a significant number) who haven't been so smart and pragmatic, will all be struggling with mortgages they can't afford, and possibly trying to sell at the same time.

Meanwhile you'll be happy, secure and debt free. And there's nothing to stop you going back to owning later, if it makes sense to do that.

Prosaic

thank you all everybody - i really mean that

we went to view a rental property today, really nice, in our price range and area

The letting agent did his best to get us to commit today, & wanted us to pay hundreds of punds now- no way I can afford mortgage & rent & we're unlikely to complete for another 8-10 weeks

Phoned my EA who also does lettings. he told me they are just trying to get a tenant quick, that there are lots more properties traditionally coming on from Mid-Feb so we said we'll sit back for now & let him know

God I hate moving...

lozzam

I look around and other people seem so 'sorted'- I work a 50hr week & yet we never seemed to achieve it

I bet you look sorted too If your family don't know what you are going through then I'm sure you are covering up the worries. I think a lot of us do the same thing.

I heartily applaud what you are doing - taking control of your circumstances while you can, and not allowing yourself to get further into debt. Look forward to you telling us in a couple of years that this was the best thing you've ever done.

Prosaic

lozzam wrote: »

I bet you look sorted too If your family don't know what you are going through then I'm sure you are covering up the worries. I think a lot of us do the same thing.

I heartily applaud what you are doing - taking control of your circumstances while you can, and not allowing yourself to get further into debt. Look forward to you telling us in a couple of years that this was the best thing you've ever done.

LOl thanks Lozzam. I will certainly keep you updated - unless I have no internet access due to us all living in the car!

Butti

Prosaic wrote: »

thank you all everybody - i really mean that

The letting agent did his best to get us to commit today, & wanted us to pay hundreds of punds now- no way I can afford mortgage & rent & we're unlikely to complete for another 8-10 weeks

...

Clear message in this Prosaic, and in your dealings with the mortgage folk. Neither are your friends, neither care really about what happens to you. They are in business and this is a business transaction.

You are stressed. This WILL be affecting your family. You've worked out how to sort that stress and enjoy life again. Children need stability and a lack of tension at home, they never remember as important what you 'think' they will remember. My friend was telling me about taking her kids to science museums to see amazing things and hearing one comment two days later about the really nice icecream on the way home.

My wider family sound like yours. Me and my middle brother accepted a long time ago that basically we will never be acceptable to the family, we will have let them down because we work in the public sector. My eldest brother lives in a big house in America with 5 cars and a job doing global logistics. This is what my dad bangs on about when describing my brother. There is no mention of whether he seems happy or fulfilled, just that he has a big house and 5 cars!

B

Prosaic

Butti wrote: »

Clear message in this Prosaic, and in your dealings with the mortgage folk. Neither are your friends, neither care really about what happens to you. They are in business and this is a business transaction.

My wider family sound like yours. Me and my middle brother accepted a long time ago that basically we will never be acceptable to the family, we will have let them down because we work in the public sector. My eldest brother lives in a big house in America with 5 cars and a job doing global logistics. This is what my dad bangs on about when describing my brother. There is no mention of whether he seems happy or fulfilled, just that he has a big house and 5 cars!

B

You're right. The mortgage 'advisor' wants me to have a mortgage. The letting agent wants me to rent a property from him. Trouble is because we can't really communicate 3with our families over this I suppose I sometimes default to listening to 'professional ' views - we feel stressed out over it all, no doubt about it, and sometimes anyone talking it over who sounds like they have a clear head is convincing

Letting agent today was saying ' well, its first come first served. we wont stop showing it unless i can get £280 TODAY to secure it'

Thankfully I said 'let me think about it' and walked

I know what you mean re families. It's a shame, but unfortunately we suffer from both sets of grandparents being pretty uninterested, unless there's a big family do & they want to give the appearance of perfect family life. If we discussed our problems with one of them it would be shared around the others (!) - to be honest without going into a big family history if they cant be bothered with the kids nativity plays etc I dont see why we should share any problems with them

Nargleblast

Prosaic, look upon this point as a new start in life. The whole property owning thing is not an issue any more - people in Europe are more likely to rent than buy, and are quite amused at the British obsession with owning houses. For now, embrace your new life and make the most of it. You might be in a position to buy a house one day in the future, if that is still what you want to do then. Good luck.