How to communicate assertively with a colleague

Apolonation

Interested to hear your thoughts.

I work in a situation where I have to rely on other people doing certain things in order to accomplish my job. Now and again the person that is meant to does not do it properly. e.g. I hand them something ask them to do it at 3pm, they say they will next day in the morning no mention no update. Have to chase them, oh yes - I am waiting for xyz... some reason. Then I have to chase again and finally they do it.

Problem I have is I find that whenever I 'pull someone up' in a situation like this I find it hard to get the tone right. I hear myself sounding like I'm making it into a big deal.

e.g. has this been done? I need this done. etc..

Yet - if I try to be 'nicer' it sounds weak - like they can just continue to ignore it.

How do you get the right tone etc?

MyRubyRed

Does this person report to you or is this inter department co-operation? If the former you need to get tough. If the latter you may need to rope in support from your boss and/or the other one's boss to cover your own back.

Jomo

If they choose to ignore you can't you explain to them, in a nice way, that if they continue to do so you will pass the problem onto HR or the next manager up?

Also, do you have mid year and annual appraisals?

Apolonation

Thanks for the replies. Yes have appraisals. We are both managers and equal in terms of authority...

I'm actually new to management and I guess this is all part of the learning process.

PasturesNew

If you are both managers, do you have any clout over them? Maybe you need to let them know why you need it back when you do and ask them when they can do it, then negotiate a deadline that's fixed by you both. Only then can you be assertive when they haven't done it to the agreed timescale.

If you're passing them work - and you have no clout - and they have 1001 other jobs to do, then the priority of your work will have to fit in with their other priorities.

Who do they have other work from? Who sets the priorities? If your work is being done after somebody else's all the time, you need to get an agreement with all parties that your work is of a higher priority than the other person's.

blckbrd

If you don't negotiate a deadline with the person, perhaps ask if there are going to be any problems with them delivering by your deadline.

Sometimes what's a priority to you/your section is less so to someone else/'s.

DVardysShadow

Apolonation wrote: »

Interested to hear your thoughts.

I work in a situation where I have to rely on other people doing certain things in order to accomplish my job. Now and again the person that is meant to does not do it properly. e.g. I hand them something ask them to do it at 3pm, they say they will next day in the morning no mention no update. Have to chase them, oh yes - I am waiting for xyz... some reason. Then I have to chase again and finally they do it.

Problem I have is I find that whenever I 'pull someone up' in a situation like this I find it hard to get the tone right. I hear myself sounding like I'm making it into a big deal.

e.g. has this been done? I need this done. etc..

Yet - if I try to be 'nicer' it sounds weak - like they can just continue to ignore it.

How do you get the right tone etc?

If you are looking at being assertive when you go chasing the deliverable, you have already lost. You do it when you start

Agreeing the Deliverable
A: Can you fix the XYZ widget for me, this afternoon, please? [start with an expectation]
B: No sorry, I can't do it this afternoon [prepare to be disappointed]
A: Can you do it tomorrow morning for 10 am [maintain an expectation]
B: Not for 10 am [They are on the spot]
A: OK, when? [If they won't comply with your expectations, let them give one of their own]
B: I can do it for 2pm. [They have played for more time, but basically have caved to your demand for an expectation they will meet]
A: Ok, thanks very much, I'll come for the fixed XYZ widget at 2pm. [Only reject their promise if it really is no good for you. State the negotiated expectation]

Collecting the Deliverable
A: I have come for the XYZ widget you were going to fix. [Turn up at 2.05pm. Allow a little bit of grace time, but not too much. If you turn up at 4pm, it means that the delivery time you negotiated was not really important and this is duly noted for next time - not the result you want]
B: Sorry, it is not ready. [They have not got used to your new assertiveness]
A: Oh I am SO disappointed. I can't now send it off and close out ABC's problem today which needs the XYZ. What can you do to help close out ABC's problem today? [Invite them to share in responsibility for the bigger picture - they won't like this]
B: OK, I'll do it now [You have made yourself a pain and they are choosing the easiest course to get rid of you]
A: Thank you, call me when it's done, please [Keep the pressure up and control the situation so that the easy life comes from meeting expectations]

No doubt others will suggest better ways of doing all of the above dialogs and better ways of managing the thinking behind the exchanges. But the main point is not so much the words spoken as managing the thinking behind the exchanges as given in italics. It takes some practice, but if you crack it in a place where you have not been working that way, it becomes easier in new situations.

MyRubyRed

Apolonation wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. Yes have appraisals. We are both managers and equal in terms of authority...

I'm actually new to management and I guess this is all part of the learning process.

I can sympathise. Hard when its a co-worker, but you will need to make it clear to the "offender" that they are impacting on your ability to deliver and that's going to have a detrimental affect come your appraisal. It could be that the person is under pressure with deadlines and priorities too so try to see if there is an underlying issue at their end. eg we are in the same boat, can we help each other?? (but do not say you are struggling to cope!!!!!!)

Keep your manager updated on your progress and the actions you are taking to resolve the issue. That way it won't be a big shock if he doesn't get what he asked for when he wanted it.

Good luck in your new role.
xx

Apolonation

Thanks very useful replies, will put the suggestions into practice next week

blckbrd

And if push comes to shove - escalate to your colleague's manager. Some people require a downwards rather than sideways poke.

Jomo

Apolonation wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. Yes have appraisals. We are both managers and equal in terms of authority...

I'm actually new to management and I guess this is all part of the learning process.

Ultimately this person will not get a good appraisal and if a good appraisal leads to a pay increase...get my meaning?

They'll soon learn.