Shared care and financial assistance

John1678w

This may be a bit long, so apologies in advance.

My ex-wife and myself seperated five years ago (not divorced, given it was her decision I have waited on her, although I now realise the time may have come to move things on).

We now have shared care of our seven year old son - he has cerebal palsy and autism. I am really struggling at the moment financially with the current arrangement, and wondered if anyone could help.

My ex-wife earns approx. 65000 pa. She rents her home.

I gave up my job to care for my son while he was in a mainstream school for three months (he now goes to special school), and now have another job earning 20000 pa

My ex-wife receives child benefit, I paid her maintenance for three years but stopped two years ago given the shared care.

We live in London, and over two thirds of my salary goes on my rent - given my son's disability and the amount if time he spends at my place he really needs his own bedroom and so I have to rent a two bedroom flat. I cannot get any help financially since my wife is the one who claims the child benefit, and so I am seen as a single person.

I have asked her to transfer the child benefit to me as a minimum, but she has refused. I have put in a claim for DLA for my son, but I know when my ex-wife discovers this she will want it transferred into her name (despite me telling her to claim over two years ago and her never getting round to filling in the forms). I want his DLA money to go towards physiotherapy and other things to benefit him though, not to my living costs.

I realise I have been too soft over the years, but it has kept the relationship amicable for the sake of my son - spending birthdays and christmas together for him. The problem is that financially I just can't manage it anymore, and it irks me that she can be earning so much and still I am left some months to pay for school dinners and trips because she 'forgot'.

If I did go down the divorce route would it help me financially or do I have to resign myself to the current situation?

shell_542

It sounds like you could do with some legal advice. Have you sought advice from a solicitor, perhaps a free initial consultation?

You say you have shared care, is it 50/50? Does he stay at yours overnight 50% of the time?

John1678w

Thank you for replying - it is 50/50 in terms of overnight stays, but I probably spend more time with him overall as I either drop off or pick up from school each day I don't have him at mine as well (I work shifts, so am able to do so). I also arrange all hospital, dental appointments etc.

I haven't gone down the legal route, but it does seem that this is the only real option available to me - I have just heard so many horror stories of men being denied access to their children that it has always seemed the last resort... I don't want less access, I just want to be able to afford to continue doing so.

HRV

I dont think it makes any difference if your divorced or not??

It sounds to me like you the main carer if you have 50% nights and care for him after and before school too- therefore I would think you should be able to claim his child benefit. Also if she earns that much I wouldnt think she will be getting any child tax credit - where as you may be entitled to some- not sure exactly though. If you looked into this and found out if you were entiltled it may be worth explaining the money implications to her and agreeing to give her some of it to top up what shes loosing (please note- i dont think you should have to do this but if its the only way to get what your entitled to it may be worth a try) ??

shell_542

It does sound like you are the Parent With Care in this case. Its hard to get child benefit off of someone who is unwilling to give it up.

Like the previous poster said, on her income, she would be over the threshold for tax credits so you should be able to claim yourself.

I would get legal advice and get a solicitor onside who will fight for you on the basis that you ARE the main carer of your child. I completely understand your fears though. Does she work full time? Maybe the risk of you being awarded with less contact would not be to her benefit as she would need to adjust her work life to be around more to pick child up from school etc etc.

If you went down the divorce route, wouldn't she be asked to pay you spousal maintenance being the higher earner and you spending some time previously off of work being the day to day carer? It works the other way around normally in a divorce.

I'd get some legal advice.

jacklink

John1678w sorry to burst a bubble but if she has child benefit book she can claim everything and she probably knows it and will be reluctant to give it up. - no such thing as shared care as either one has more than the other as its worked out over weekly provisions rather than fortnightly which is handy for the gov and quangos as 1 week equals an odd number of 7 of which one will have 4 and the other 3. the one having 3 even though its only 24 hours will get no help and is expected to pay more in effect, anyway i hope things work out

NACSA_CHAIR

I agree with HRV/Shell - given what you have said you could demonstrate you are providing a greater day to day care of the child, so you could possibly request the child benefit to be transferred to you. Indeed this is not the easiest of processes, but if you can prove to the CB office that you provide care to a greater extent, they may chose to transfer the benefit to you - and the mother would have no choice in the matter....but you would most likley have to go through an appeal process to stand a chance of getting it transferred to you.

Auntyem

Hi John, just to let you know it is possible for the father to have the child benefit transferred to him (worked for my dh), get in touch with the child benefit office and explain the position.

I would also advise you to start keeping a diary of the exact number of nights your son stays with you, and also the extent of the care you are providing. If you are able to claim CSA, your ex will be entitled to a discount depending on how many nights your son stays with her.

You say the relationship is amicable, which is good. But it might be that things change if she realises you are trying to claim maintenance. Have you thought about trying to formalise the arrangements for residency?