Husband in debt

doodledo_2

I agree with everyone else and my advice is not to put the money in a consolidation loan and definately not one on your house. As someone who has been down this route I would definately not recommend it.

You need to sit down together and write out your SOA and come up with a plan of clearing his debt and more importantly stop the debt increasing. Can he cut the card up so you know the debt won't increase anymore because if he continues to add to it you are fighting a losing battle.

He is a high earner compared to many of us so with some careful budgetting you could make a huge impact on this debt fairly quickly.

Good luck

DVardysShadow

hulagirl79 wrote: »

... He is not a gambler i would not be with him if he were.
We are going to sit down today and have a chat about it

Glad to hear it

hulagirl79 wrote: »

... Besides that i could understand where the money has gone if we had holidays my last holiday was in dec2006, i have not been away since then apart from weekend break with my mum funded by me saving.
He has been away in that time twice abroad and numerous weekends away with friends [without me] which is fine i have my reasons for not wanting to go abroad ...

But there is still some mystery over where the money goes. Usually the suggestion is to compile a Statement of Affairs, and if that does not explain the situation, then to compile a Spending Diary. But in this case, hulagirl, I wouldn't bother, because the answer is not in dropping a brand of beans. the answer is on the credit card statements. You need to see these for the last year or 2 if they are available and see them as they come in.

hulagirl79 wrote: »

... I do not want to add to the mortgage as we have no equity due to house prices going down and securing it to the house worries me [ i was brought up that if you can only pay one thing it is rent/mortgage as everything else you can live without if that makes sense]...

Oh it does make sense. It must be a little galling to think of £1800/month flying away when it could be equity in the house. I think you should get a bee in your bonnet about knocking down your mortgage. You really want to be in a house with 100% equity yours before retirement.

Dave101t wrote: »

please dont take his debt as yours. and dont give him 100 quid a month play money. he has already had plenty of play money and unless you lay down the law this will fracture more than his financial health in the coming months and years...

I do agree over hulagirl not taking on his debt. But at £1800/month surplus, I think £100/month is no big deal. Hulagirl really needs his co-operation over the credit card bills. Laying down the law is probably not the most effective tactic - especially if he does not understand or agree, it could hinder him from ever understanding or agreeing.

donstermonster

Do not put the debt on your mortgage. It is almost certain that he will accumulate it again if he has no consequences of accumulating it in the first place , now i am a bloke saying this but he has done wrong , badly wrong and if all he loses after accumulating that amount of debt without telling you is a bit of money each month he should feel very very lucky, a lot of people would have chucked him out

Thrifty_Pixie

hulagirl79 wrote: »

Now because of this debt his credit score is ruined, he has missed payments. Mine is still ok as all the debt is in his name.

Hi there, and welcome

Unfortunately you have joint financial products with him (i.e. mortgage and joint account) so his credit rating will affect yours to some degree.

DO NOT put his debt into the house. Sit down. Talk. Make him have his LBM and deal with it in an adult and responsible matter. He spent this money - he should pay it back. And YES, ask to see his c/c statements if you're going to help him. He needs to rethink his attitude to credit and spending otherwise he'll end up back in this situation a few years down the line.

Good luck

Ames

The thing is though, if you have no spending money at all then you're less likely to stick to the plan, you'll end up just going out and having a splurge, it's like dieting.

Trollfever

from what i can gather it has been racked up in 2years [mainly on going out, shopping, him buying gadgets etc] he was going out 3 times a week 90% on his own with his friends, which is going to have to stop.

£200 a week spent on what?

katsu

When you do the joint SOA talk about the split for bills. Is the 70-30 equitable and are you both really in agreement about it? Did he use cards because he felt he should be able to enjoy more of the wages he is earning? Were some bills unexpectedly higher than you both assumed?

hulagirl79

well with regards to the joint account after he has put in his amount he has £1800 left per month, so i am not sure i understand why he would use the cards to enjoy more of the wages he earns.
The bills were the same amount every month no change, so no big bills, i monitor the joint account to make sure there is enough money in there every month and there always is we also have a £500 overdraft on that account which we have never touched.
We have had a chat he had no paper work ready bank statment etc and no idea what to do, so i outlined my plan which he has said he will do but does not like the idea of pocket money, so i told him until he is more responsble this is how it will be if he does not like it he can sort it out on his own.
AS i wil lnot be staying around to do this again, i work too hard for my salary to be bailing out someone who wont keep his part of the deal.
The ball is in his court now, i will have to see what he decides.
Do you think it was too harsh or selfish what i said.
Thanks

[Deleted User]

hulagirl79 wrote: »

... i outlined my plan which he has said he will do but does not like the idea of pocket money, so i told him until he is more responsble this is how it will be if he does not like it he can sort it out on his own.
AS i wil lnot be staying around to do this again, i work too hard for my salary to be bailing out someone who wont keep his part of the deal.
The ball is in his court now, i will have to see what he decides.
Do you think it was too harsh or selfish what i said.
Thanks

Neither harsh nor selfish but tough love - it's what he needs! Well done! :j

Ames

I don't think you were harsh or selfish, but make sure you carry on in this way. I've read a few times on here where a partner's taken control completely and it's led to problems - resentment, rebellion etc. Make sure that you keep him in the loop (even or especially if he's happy to leave it all to you and doesn't want to know the details) and discuss it with him as an adult. It's really easy to fall into the 'babying' them trap - I've done it myself, and had it done to me.