If your spouse is going bankrupt, but not you...

BrandNewDay

Hello! I'm new here, but have been lurking for a couple of weeks.

I'm a newly wed who just came over from the States to live with my husband.

Anyway, he really had a go at running a small business but it failed and we realized that bankruptcy was our only option. We're getting plenty of help and advice and his court date is next Thursday.

I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts on some things that have come up in all of this. Not really looking for advice, but I thought it could be interesting to see how other feel about these issues.

OK, when I realized just how bad things were financially (and it took some doing to find out exactly where things stood because he'd gone into serious denial and wasn't communicating), I came to the realization that bankruptcy was the only option. He was £70k in debt and not making any income except what he could get working nights at Asda. But, of course, he was VERY resistant to the idea. For one thing, he thought bankruptcy meant that "they" come and take all your personal possessions away from you, and he also assumed that we'd be forced to move out of our rented home. He really didn't have any idea what it meant. But, there's also the not insignificant issue of pride: he really, really didn't believe in going bankrupt.

I insisted, and I had to use heavy artillary. I didn't actually threaten divorce, but I did tell him that I'd be damned if I was going to work myself to the bone to pay off debts he ran up before we even met and why should our children go without, etc... (I'm pregnant now and lost my job when the business failed.) I'm willing to work when I can because I want to save as much money as possible for our old age and maybe to buy a house, someday. I am just not willing to try and pay down that debt.

But, if he were RICH to the tune of £70k in the bank, I'm sure I'd be quite willing to spend it with him... so, it seems that maybe I'm hypocritical?

He's OK with the bankruptcy now -not thrilled by it, but OK with it - and he realizes we're about to be much better off and can start building the future together. I was really good with my money when I was single and I'm now in charge of finances. I've got a bit of "my own" money socked away for an efund. It's funny - a couple of months ago, I was struggling emotionally with not wanting to hand it over to my husband. I knew it would fall down the sinkhole and I wanted to keep it in reserve. I felt guilty about that at the time. Now, we're both grateful I did.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you deal with conflicting desires to be in the trenches together while CYA?