Maintenance Arrangements that don't meet the norm

smileypigface

I posted this on Marriages and Relationships not realising there is a whole area devoted to the subject - sorry it's a bit of a long one!

I know I need to speak to a solicitor .... but just wondered if anyone had any experience of drawing up an agreement that doesn't quite fit the norm?

Brief background - separated 10 years ago - got round to sorting divorce 4 years ago. I am the absent parent of 3 children (for want of a better way to put it) - ex hubby stayed in marital home with kids - split of care has varied, due to my job, over last 10 years but is currently about a 50/50 split.

Have always had mutually agreeable maintenance level - adjusted down to meet CSA guidelines on our divorce as solicitor pointed out I wasn't doing myself any favours doing 2 jobs to pay for everything - including high maintenance and also paying for shoes, school uniforms, clubs etc.

Now given up additional job - just working full time in the one job - paying 20% of income for 2 children under 18 (help the 19 year old out directly with her instead of through her dad) reduced by 2 sevenths due to average nights spent with me. Which I believe fits the CSA model.

Ex hubby works part time and claims WPTC (if that's what it's still called). He can't afford to keep the house on without my contribution and is already slightly concerned what happens in 2 years time when next one reaches 18 and my contribution reduces to 15% for the one under 18.

He doesn't want to come off benefit and work full time (let's not go there!!!)

Huge fly in ointment about to strike ...... I re-married just over a year ago and we are now expecting a baby in early summer. I am hoping to take a 5 year career break. So from November when my pay ceases I won't have an income and therefore can't pay maintenance.

I've done a bit of a calculation, forward planning to my 3rd child reaching 18 and it works out (with an inflation factor) that, if I continued to work without a break, I'd be paying my ex hubby just over £21K in total.

I have a charge on the old marital home for 25% of market value on it's sale (or when youngest reaches 18, whichever happens first) - which should be easily more than the £21K - I am therefore thinking of suggesting to my ex hubby that if he sells the house (it's a 4 bed detached - so he could easily afford to swap it for a 3 bed detached and not have much of a difference of lifestyle) and I'll give him £25K from my share - in full and final settlement of all future maintenance. That way he can downsize and reduce his mortgage if he wants so he can continue to only work part-time. He is also guaranteeing he receives the equivalent of monthly maintenance from me that is protected from the effects of me potentially having no income for several years. If I take out the years I am planning not to work the amount I would pay him reduces to just over £9K.

So, my question is ... does anyone know if it is possible to draw up such an agreement?

Obviously I know the risk is that I give him £25K and he could do a runner leaving me with the kids - but to be honest I've never really factored the value of my old house into my financial plans and would be more concerned with how the kids felt about not seeing their dad than I would about the money - and my share of what was left would mean I could cushion the financial impact of having them full time living with us anyway.

Any thoughts or experience of this type of thing? Sorry it turned into an epic!

AnxiousMum

I have 'liked' your thread - it's refreshing to see one about a parent (and there are a few like it on here) who wants to ensure that their children's needs are met, instead of wanting to get out of doing so.

In reality - if your ex is in a 4 bedroom house, but cannot afford it without your contribution by way of child support - you would be doing him a favour to get him to do some forward thinking - as in not too long, he will find himself with no dependents, no child tax credits, no child benefit, no child support, no career, and no top ups on any benefits for having minors in the house. He will be in a house that is way too big for a single individual, and could do well by downsizing now and looking at where he might be in a few years financially.

Unfortunately, I don't know if you can do this type of an agreement here in the UK and have it 'enforceable', or have yourself covered if he were to go to CSA or similar. I know it exists elsewhere, as I have one with my ex in Canada, and it is enforceable there should he decide to ignore it (as he's doing now, and is now with enforcement).

I just wanted to say good luck with the birth of your baby and I hope that you can work something out that is beneficial to both you and your children.

moneysavermum_2

you firstly need to run this past your ex....then if hes in agreement go to solicitors and get this drawn up in some sort of order of court. It all depends whether he agrees to this or not.

I personally think that he should get his 20% through csa depending on your new families circumstances.

AnxiousMum

nje24 wrote: »

I personally think that he should get his 20% through csa depending on your new families circumstances.

The OP has stated quite clearly though that he would not be able to keep the home if this was the way she went, as she would have no income for five years. This would put her children out of their home - and she wants what is best for her children and not to shirk her responsibility.

smileypigface

Thank you to you both for replying.

Anxious Mum - you are very kind - my view is that life is too short to be any other way in my situation - I don't feel my 3 children should go without just because of a decision I've taken with my life that is going to affect theirs too (hopefully in a good way, they are thrilled to be having a new baby in the family!) - you can't wipe out your responsibilities just because your life has moved on! Thank you for the supportive post.

I know my ex has concerns himself - he's a few years older than me - that by the time the kids leave home he will want to take it a bit easy (you have to have a little smile!) and I think it would be good for him too to make some adjustments now and be able to settle knowing I am out of the financial equation.

nje24 - I understand what you are saying but 20% of no income for 5 years is nothing - he won't be able to keep the house on and will be forced to sell anyway - but during that process it's our children who will be affected, by not enough money to meet their needs (OK, so I know I'd never see them going without anything) but they don't want to be seeing their dad worrying about keeping a roof over their heads and over money.

speedster

tbh, i think your ex has taken the pizz out of you for far too long.

when child support ends, he'll have to get off his arze and get a job to keep the house anyway.

personally, i would play by his rules. when your income drops for your career break, he'll have to do what the rest of us do and pay his own bloody way.

i think you have been more than generous and he either learns to stand on his own 2 feet now, or in a few years time when his cash cow (excuse the pun!) !!!!!!s off.

kelloggs36

Trouble is that if he decides to go to the CSA, then whatever lump sum you have given won't be taken into consideration, so you will end up paying twice.

smileypigface

I do know what you mean speedster - but at the end of the day everything I've done has been for my children - he is very cheap childcare in a way lol.

I thought enough of him to marry him, and have 3 children with him - it's not the children's fault that my judgement was a bit lacking - and yes, I do refer to myself as the gravy train - and it's going to stop one of these days - but when he goes down and gets into debt etc etc it will be after the kids have moved on to live their own lives.

There's no point wasting negative feeling on my lazy good for nothing ex husband - life's just too short!

It's more important for my children that I keep a lid on my true feelings for their dad, try and see him for the good dad that he is, and not put them in the middle any more than divorce has put them in anyway.

But I do understand what you are saying (and very privately do agree with you ... sssssshhhhhh!!)

smileypigface

So you don't think it is possible to draw up an agreement of "full and final settlement" Kellogs36?

I did wonder if that would be the case! Grrrr!

AnxiousMum

Kellogs - what if the amount was paid along side an agreement notarised by a lawyer? Can an order/agreement like that be registered in court here as an official legal document?

LizzieS_2

smileypigface wrote: »

I am hoping to take a 5 year career break. So from November when my pay ceases I won't have an income and therefore can't pay maintenance.

I've done a bit of a calculation, forward planning to my 3rd child reaching 18 and it works out (with an inflation factor) that, if I continued to work without a break, I'd be paying my ex hubby just over £21K in total.

I have a charge on the old marital home for 25% of market value on it's sale (or when youngest reaches 18, whichever happens first) - which should be easily more than the £21K - I am therefore thinking of suggesting to my ex hubby that if he sells the house (it's a 4 bed detached - so he could easily afford to swap it for a 3 bed detached and not have much of a difference of lifestyle) and I'll give him £25K from my share - in full and final settlement of all future maintenance. That way he can downsize and reduce his mortgage if he wants so he can continue to only work part-time. He is also guaranteeing he receives the equivalent of monthly maintenance from me that is protected from the effects of me potentially having no income for several years. If I take out the years I am planning not to work the amount I would pay him reduces to just over £9K.

You can draw up an agreement to give him 25K in full and final settlement, but it is not legally binding on the csa - he can possibly ask the csa in 5 years time to open a case.

I understand your motives (and as AM said, it is refreshing to see a parent put the children first).

It appears that if you didn't have the 5 years break you would pay 12K (21K - 9K). You should be able to draw up an agreement to cover this period.

As an alternative you could offer to let him use some or all of the equity in the house upon sale for a new property as that would reduce his outgoings, protect the childrens interest as you wish and also give you opportunity to cash in the 25% (or whatever you choose) when your youngest is 18. It would have to be completed through legal channels though as it would involve land registry entries.

You could also tighten the agreement to cover what happens if the children live with you later (avoids him doing a runner, though I think that is unlikely for other income reasons).