Eager Elephant's Effective Everyday Excursion ...

Eager_Elephant

Up there I said

I would love to have a good cry but this blinking Agnus Castus stops all emotion like that.

Well I got my wish and on Sunday I did nothing but cry (except a few hours when I went to a Baby Shower) - it was good to get it all out but boy I was shattered:rotfl:

I will go in to the nitty gritty one day but suffice to say for now it was DH again :mad: and then instead of staying out of my way he kept asking why I was crying and wouldn't take I don't want to talk about it as an answer:mad:

Then he says how he can't cope with me being upset - well don't upset me then !!!!!:rotfl: (ha ha just seen the speech marks - since when has t w u n t been a swear word??!?)

Anyway DFW posted this on her diary

Well today is a good day, I went to bed and read some of my book on Buddhism and am feeling a little better now, " Countless other living beings experience greater suffering and difficulties than I do". Too true. I told myself that over and over like a mantra until I fell asleep. It worked I am out of the doldrums I had fallen into :T

and I realise that my problems are so small compared to others, I have money, a house, lovely kids, a brilliant job, heat, food and transport and so many don't have even one of them so I need to be grateful.

So today I will be more positive and maybe I need to buy a Buddhism book:rotfl:

debtfreewannabe321

If you are interested it was a free book of course !! For kindle.....Modern Buddhism- the path of compassion and wisdom. It's full of great quotes

And as for crying all day Sunday I'm sure me and you are the same people sometimes! I did exactly the same thing! Teenagers and warring children caused me to break down though (only cos DH is away I guess lol) xxx

brizzledfw

Hugs for both of you from your friends in the box!!

beanielou

http://www.sgi-uk.org/

Have a wee look here for some information on Buddhism.

Eager_Elephant

Beanie sent me a lovaly book so I just need to get chanting - I am sure it will help.

At the moment I am just counting to 10 and ignoring everything DH does to annoy me but I actually think it is making things worse - he is just being such a twonk:mad:

I will post the conversation from last Sunday which started all the frustration which led to the tears on a seperate post.

Eager_Elephant

Him in bed on his phone and me on the computer in the same room.

Him: How much do we pay for our chicken feed?
Me: Why do you want to know that?
Him: Next door wants some again
Me: How much did you charge her last time?
Him: £11

I then work out the cost of the feed which is about £8.62 per bag but we also get a 10% discount for buying loads of bags.

Me: Well it's about £8.62 per bag so call it £10
Him: Ok

Then an email comes through to say the neighbour has paid by Paypal (as she has no cash) but it is only £9:eek:

He says well we don't want to put her off by charging too much, then she might buy from us again.

For !!!! sake we are not a feed merchant plus we had to get the stuff so that cost diesel.

Anyway there was a massive argument so DH hides under the duvet all morning even though we had agreed to move the bedroom round so we can have the radiator on.

So I ended up humping all the furniture in the bedroom while he stayed under the duvet and I just got crosser and crosser:eek::mad::eek::mad:

DH said he had to hide under the duvet to keep out of my way because he does not like confrontation - for !!!! sake why could he not have gone to the shed to keep out of way and then at least I would not have seen him:rotfl:

Then when it was time to get ready for the baby shower DD announced that she was ready and I had to tell her she was not invited and then she started crying so I started crying and then couldn't stop.

So after he narked me more by keep asking why I am crying and me not talking you would think he would have tried much harder to stay in my good books but oh no:rotfl:

Eager_Elephant

So this weekend it all goes wrong again, not only has DH not working so he is at home all day he is not doing much housework either but seems to spend a lot of time on Facebook:mad:

So on Saturday morning we are all on the sofa chatting and DH's phone rings. DD passes it to him and he looks guilty.

Me: Who was that?
Him: I don't know it was an anonymous number
DD: No it wasn't, it said George (name changed to protect the innocent)
Me: Who is George?
Him: A friend
Me: But you haven't got any friends called George
Him: Yeah I knew him from school
Me: Well you probably haven't seen him since you left school so why would he be ringing you?

DH is doing his guilty face so I know he is up to no good.

Me: What does he want?
Him: Well he has this cat that he needs to rehome and I said I would help him but I haven't found anyone yet.
Me: Well tell him that then, we are not having another cat (we have 3 already).

I then go upstairs because I know this is going to end in tears.

When I go downstairs again DH says 'He's coming over now with the cat':eek::mad::eek::mad:
Me: But I just said we are not having another cat
Him: I know but if it is not rehomed today then his ex will put it down
Me: But you are not a cat rescue centre and we dont want another cat.
Him: It wont be for long as I will rehome it and I can't tell him that I haven't got it a home
Me: You always care what others think of you and because you have no friends you try to make people like you by doing this sort of thing
Him: Yeah I know, I am just too soft

So the way I see it he is admitting that he worrys more about what others think than worrying about his wife and kids.

So I spend the rest of the morning upstairs and the man brings the cat over which is then in our house scaring our other cats.

DH cleans out the cat run and puts the new cat in there and that night he puts all our other cats to bed.
In the morning I looked out the back door and the cat run door is open :cool:
I woke DD to tell her and she said that the night before when they locked the other cats up the new cat had escaped:rotfl: but they didn't want to tell me.

So on one hand I am really pleased and on the other I am thinking it is bound to die as we live on a busy road and it has no road sense.

But no that night the blinking thing is miaowing at the back door :eek: - how can the cat know where it 'lives' when it was only there 5 mins:eek:

It is quite a clever cat, it knew that night that it had to go in the cat run to get food and has been behaving very well.
Turns out the cat is only 5 months old.

So right now I have an extra cat that DH is allegedly trying to rehome and I am mighty peeved about it all. He obviosuly can't put it on Facebook because that is where he got it from in the first place:mad:

We hardly have any money and we have another cat to feed and worry about.

I am sure he has done this on purpose as he knows I am trying to be a calmer person.

I am sure if I had not kept calm I would be in prison on a charge of murder.
I think 15 years is a much better idea than living with him any longer :rotfl:

Eager_Elephant

So once again I am not talking to DH so you would think he would want to please me - but oh no:mad::eek:

Last month DH decides to remove some of the kitchen door frame and the door as he thinks we dont need a door between the kitchen and back door.
I told him that I do want a door there and we will just get a new one (the old one was a cheap one and my brothers girlfriend glossed it and it has gone all horrible plus their dog chewed the door frame) and replace the chewed frame.

So we haven't had a door there for all this time but too be honest it is not my priority - the hall and stairs are - they were plastered on Sunday and then we are moving on to the living room.

So why when there is so much stuff to do to get ready to paint everywhere does DH decide to remove the whole door frame (taking us back to bare brick):mad::eek::mad::eek::mad::eek: and then start plastering the hole!!!

I told him in no uncertain terms that I want the door and frame back and he said that we had discussed it and I agreed we weren't having one.

I know for a fact I told him I want one still and it is rather ironic that the person with the memory problems is remembering all these conversations.

To top it all the house is rented so christ knows what the council will say:rotfl:

To be honest I am fed up of it all - he is always quoting things at me that I allegedly said and now I realise that it is only so he gets his own way.

I know I said before about being in an abusive marriage and I have done nothing about it but this time I am at the end of my tether.
DH has been checking my stuff online and discovered I had looked up about abusive marriages and then said that I am abusive to him.
I admit I am horrible to him sometimes but basically I have had 13 years of cr4p from him (texting other women, lieing about his life, spending too much money, getting too friendly with women) and how many more years will I waste on him?

And all along he blames his depression and since he got a bad head he blames that for forgetting to tell me. Now I think it is all lies and excuses and I can't take it any more.

I was going to stay until DD was 18 because she would be devastated if we split up but I dont know that I can put up with another 8 years of either shouting at him for annoying me with loads of stuff or gritting my teeth (I wont have any left that is for sure:rotfl:)

No comments needed - I just need to get this all down for future reference.

Eager_Elephant

And the worst thing is that everyone thinks he is so lovely - the neighbours would be very shocked if they knew what goes on behind closed doors.

I think this is probably true of most if not all abusive men - they are a different person inside the home.

And to clarify when I mean abusive, I don't mean physical it is all emotional and mental abuse.

beanielou

Sending you lots of healing vibes.
Get chanting!!!
Take care.