I really need some sound advice.

lostchild

Hi all,

I’m a bit of a lurker on the MSE Forums but am really confused at the moment and need some advice, so I thought that this would be as good as ever time to make my first post.

I’ll give you some background to the “problem” that I have, and hope that some of you may help me to make a decision about my future.

I work in quite a niche industry – it’s pretty well paid and there are a lack of good staff in the area but I do consider myself to be pretty good at what I do. I won’t give away the details of the industry as I know that some of the people involved do read this site and I don’t as yet want anyone knowing my real identity.

After finishing college I started working for a company who really helped me develop my career – I stayed for 5 years and up until the end I was relatively happy, but felt it was time to move on to try and try something different where I could really stretch my skill set. After a few “white lies” in an interview I got a decent role that I was after and propelled myself into a key member of the management team in a short period. I got talking to some other people in the industry and decided to leave after around 8 months of employment. The company were sad to see me go but accepted that I was leaving to start up my own business and grow more as an individual. I worked my notice and left on good terms.

The company I was starting had too much politics at an early age so I quit before I’d really started and after a brief spell freelancing I got another PAYE job. I remember clearly in my interview being really impress and wanting to commit to the company for a long time. One of the only problems was that it was quite a commute and as yet there was no health care or pension that I had enjoyed previously – I was told that these were imminent and decided to accept their offer and join the company.

The travel isn’t easy – I have two young children who I only now see at weekends (as I’m not home till 7.30/8pm at night when they are asleep) and I am missing out on a lot.

The job is OK – there are a few cracks and 4 months later there is still no healthcare or pension (as promised) on the horizon.

At an industry do recently I got chatting to one of the staff members of another well respected company (it would be so much easier if I could explain what the industry is, but as I said, I’ll keep it out for now). They are just down the road from me (well, 15 minutes drive) and I mentioned how I’d love to work so close to home. I was told to send in my CV so without really thinking about it I did. I went for an interview, went back to see them and was offered a job.

That’s when things started to get complicated. The job is slightly less paid, but there are bonuses (which would make up for the lower basic salary) and other perks that I was previously promised where I am now – private healthcare for the family and a good pension to name but a few). After some soul searching I decided that it was a good opportunity and as much as I would feel like I would be letting down the company I worked for I should not pass it up. I should now say that I do get on REALLY well with my boss and the team – it’s one of the best things about the role.

I wrote a letter of resignation. I went into work and invited my boss for a coffee and a chat down the local starbucks. I explained that I did not want to let him down, but I had an offer from a company closer to home and was missing out on seeing my kids so had a letter of resignation in my pocket to give him.

He wasn’t happy – he told me that I WOULD be letting him down, he told me how angry he would be, how it would destroy my reputation in the industry (I am not sure if that was a threat or not) and basically made me rip up the letter due to the guilt that I felt.

I told the other company who had offered me the job what had happened, and they respected my decision but said that my boss had handled it badly – they have kept the offer open for a few weeks knowing that I am off for a week abroad shortly and may have time to think about it while I am away.

I then saw the other company and some more of their staff at an industry event and spent the night chatting away and having a really good laugh with them – I even got on the train with them the next day back to our base a few hours away and continued to really enjoy their company.

I’m now really confused – I feel like a child wandering around in a supermarket looking for his mummy. I’ve spoken to my wife and she has said that the decision is mine, she’s advised me that she thought that the one closer to home is better and that my boss handled it wrong but I really hate to think how let down he would be by me losing – no one is irreplaceable but he didn’t seem to put it that way, he said that the work I had been doing the past 4 months would have been a complete waste.

There are other twists and turns that I have missed out but the bulk of it is there. I really don’t know what decision to make; I have moved around a bit in the past year and don’t want to be known as someone that does this so I do understand that it may be time to show some commitment but there are pros and cons to whatever decision I do end up making.

Please help me.

Jonathan,
Lost in Asda without his Mummy.

chirpy007

Short and sweet .... go with the new job !!!!!!!! its better for your family which are far more improtant than any amount of money or guilt letting your boss down. What about letting your kids down !!!!! go for it and settle down.

Good luck

elaine373

Your family have to come first.In my opinion you should take the job nearer to home.That 15 minutes extra with your kids is priceless.

jenniferpa

Jonathan, do you think for one monent your current boss would t think twice about sacking you in the event his business was in financial trouble? I doubt it. Any boss who throws this sort of tantrum when one of their staff leaves is never going to handle the pressures of business on a long term basis. Furthermore, I suspect even if you stay, he will now look askance at you as you've shown yourself not to be a "team player" (from his point of view).

Everyone is replaceable. I would come back from your hols and simply tell him now you've had a chance to think about it, your first decision was the right one. You have a family - you need to look out for them. Young children need to see their father, not simply think of him as a pay cheque.

My opinion, for what it's worth.

Jennifer
P.S. And when you've moved - stay there!

Doodles

Hi Jonathan,

I sympathise with your dialemma, you are obviously a caring person that doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I've found in life that you've GOT to make decisions for your life to suit yourself, not anyone else. I found this hard myself in job situations because I am a very loyal person and feel 'bad' when I leave jobs, like I am letting them down, when in reality its 'just a job', I am not indespensible and there is always someone else out there that will fill your place however good a worker you are!

I think your boss has acted very immaturely indeed, and is trying to take the control from you. To make you rip up your letter of resignation is just awful.

I'm afraid you've got to look at it 'well if he don't like it then tough!'.

Go with your gut instinct and please take up the new job offer! Write a new letter of resignation and make your meeting with your boss short and sweet, something along the lines "I've thought carefully over the weekend about it all and I'm afraid I'm sticking to my original decision so here's my resignation letter". Just be polite but firm. If he can't understand that someone might want to get home a reasonable time to see his kids, well your boss must be some kind of loser quite frankly.

I wish you all the best! Post back and let us know how it went.

Regards

real1314

he wants you to stay? well I'm not surprised, he made promises of healthcare and pension, but didn't need to keep them. That's a great employee - you make a deal and then don't see it through, and when the employee says they might leave you throw a guilt trip on them?

how much does he pay you, considering you are "aparently" completely un-replaceable? he hasn't got the healthcare plan or the pension sorted, has he got key-man insurance on you? how long is the notice period he'd have to give you to sack you? a month?
rather than judging how much he values you based on his words, base your judgement on his actions.
and perhaps it's his reputation in the industry that he's concerned about.

MissSunshine

Can't make the decision for you, but as part of your decision to stay with present company you need to discuss healthcare/pension with your boss and find out if they're forthcoming.

If you decide to leave your boss can't refuse to accept your resignation. This happened to Mr Sunshine with an ex-manager, so he handed the letter to his manager's deputy, or you could give it to HR.

shelly

Not much to say but I agree with the others. Your family is much more important than any job. Your boss handled it completely wrong and threw his toys out of his pram....so to speak. I'd not want to work a minute longer for someone who made me feel guilty for wanting to be closer to home and spend time with the family.


Good luck.

lynzpower

Completely agree with all other posters.

In any event waht would be the situation if you stayed, how cold you respect your manager when hes blatantly bullied you into being there

Get out, before he sabotages your life & happiness any further is my advice

Nile

Hello lostchild

Welcome to the MSE site.:wave:

We can't make the decision for you but it does look like the better option is the move to a new job closer to home.;)

Today is important but so is your future. Without a pension, how can you consider staying with your current employer? Without a pension, how can you plan for a comfortable retirement for your future?

I think it's time you left the Asda store and went to Marks & Spencer instead. You'll find it has high quality food, better trained staff and you won't need (or miss) your mummy quite so much.:D

Good luck with your future.;)

Kind Regards

Nile

mountainofdebt

Like everyone has said, only you can decide which job is better for you but I guess you have already made that decision, its a pity you felt you should stay where you are when your boss threw a temper tantrum (seriously though, would you have backed down so easily of one of your children had done something similar???)

I resigned today from my job and although totally different circumstances, I know I have done the right thing. My immediate boss has blanked me all afternoon - which goes to prove in my mind that I've done the right thing.