Patners and Money

Warriorsith

Hi

I got in to debt years ago, and ended up with over £10k worth of debts ( just found a letter I wrote 3 years back stating that and thought how well I done to get it down to less than £5k now) anyway I'm trying to get my g/f to realise that she careless with money. She already has £10k worth of debt and is about to get another loan for £1500, the catch she's going with WELCOME FINANCE!! BIG BIG MISTAKE I know but I haven't said out yet as shes beening very secretive about it. She doesn't have the best rating but she hasn't seen a CF ever I don't think and when she tries online to join Equifax or Experian it doesn't process her details as they reckon she can't be found even though she had credit before. Anyway she went via moneysupermarket and the next day I saw the package from welcome, she open it and I said why you done that, she replied that she wanted to see what will happen and that she isn't going to apply, well yesterday she was getting statements, id and wageslips and you know what that means.

Can someone give some advice about how I should approach the subject? and should I not interfer as in the end it's her money and if she wants to repay such a ludicrous amount then so be it?

wigginsmum

Do you live together? If you don't, I'd be inclined to let her get on with it as she seems determined. If you do live together, then obviously it will impact your joint financial situation in terms of available income, and I reckon you'd be well within your rights to express your concern.

Maybe if you direct her to some of the threads here, she can see how debt has devastated people's lives.

Warriorsith

Yes we live together and shes always going on about the future, the differance is that I realise how bad debt is and am trying to clear it and am not sure how she sees money , she budgets and stuff but I think the loan is for a car as she want to get one but she says she wants one now and doesnt want to save up as I've suggested.

rchddap1

As the saying goes...."you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink". At the end of the day all you can do is express your concern, tell her what you know about debt and welcome finance...and hope she listens. If she doesn't you can't chain her up and refuse to let her go out again until she's 'learnt the error of her ways'. She has to find that out for herself.

Do you have any joint finances? If so then any financial problems could affect your future credit poteential. If not....great....and long may it continue (until that lightbulb comes on of course).

You are doing great. Continue to pay off your debts, saving a bit of cash where you can and wait. If she does get in trouble she'll start to ask you for cash (read the baords a bit and loads of similar cases will appear)....but the best you can do is to help her by working through her finances.

You will and can get through to her....it just takes a lot of patience and a lot of time.

lynzpower

Just out of interest its not a secured loan is it?

Warriorsith

No it'll be unsecured, hence such a high interest rate. She's gone with them before and I'd thought she would have learnt. One of her Aunts got a loan to help clear her last loan plus bits n bobs just a few months back to help her out and my g/f repays that each month and now shes going for this additional loan and am disappointed in her.

rchddap1

The old circle of debt problem

Step1: Get in debt
Step2: Get in trouble
Step3: Friend / Relative / Another helps financially to get you out of debt
Step4: Breathe sigh of relief, don't learn from the experience and then repeat.

Warriorsith

Yer I'm seeing that sitaution now, I've had to learn the hard way with debts and in a way am glad my ratings poor as I'm not allowed credit from anyone hence I don't try to get it.

Toto

Is she getting this loan to repay the aunt or as an additional? What does she want the money for?

My partner isn't great with money either. In fact I now have to take it off him when he gets paid and leave him enough to cover his expenses. Sounds harsh but our business indirectly got us in this mess and he would just go and spend all his 'spare cash' on more stuff for the business. He has no idea about forward planning, to him, if the money is there this month he can spend it. Only it isn't because we need it to pay all sorts of things. I also cut up his credit card the other day, again sounds harsh but they are maxed and we need to stop this credit living.

Of course it's easier for me because we have a house, kids and a business together, so his being crap with money really hurts us all.

If your partner is anything like mine, showing her the exact amount she will repay on the 1500 won't help, mine would say... yeah but it's only £xx per month!! But it takes 1 day to spend and years to pay back.

Unless you can take the hard line I have taken I think all you can do is educate and hope she listens.

Warriorsith

Na its an extra loan and there wont be anythink I can do, I think shes getting it for a Car as mentioned she hasn't spoke to me about it. Thing is that shes good at budgetting as she sorts the bills out but shes too impatient to want to save for a car, for when she passes she'll want it there and then. I'm disappointed that she hasn't mentioned to me thats all. I'll try and see if she can take another route possibly a less expensive rate of repay way.

kevin_M

when me and my partner first moved in together. She started buying loads of stuped stuff that was not needed for the house. and when i asked her where all the cash as comming from she told me gifts and stuff. at the time i had no reason to think she was telling lies. Till one day i was looking for something of mine. and found a few final demand letters...

Well i had to ask her what was going on expecting that she would yell at me for looking thu her letters. But she just explained that she wanted our new house to look nice. and get all the things for our daughter that she never got etc.

anyway after that me and her had a nice sit down chat. which ended up me clearing all her debt . put me a little in the hole but realy i did not care.

4 years later. she now has 0 debt. will not even sign up to a credit card as she knows she cannot manage money very well.

atlest that was my experience