Outraged wedding guest - am I wrong to be offended?

Kay_Peel

I always think that it is an honour to be invited to someone's wedding and to be a witness to their special day. It means that you are considered to be an important person in their lives and I find that very humbling.

When I receive a little handwritten note saying 'thank you for being there and thank you for ...... whatever it is that I've given them ..... it's very special too. I'm delighted when I get a follow-up email directing me to some online photos and videos. Somehow, the personal touch just seals my love and admiration for these two lovely people.

More often, I'll get a card signed by the couple and that's OK. It'll say 'thank you for the ...." and there will be a blank space where they can fill in the missing words. I take it as an acknowledgement of my cheque. They took the trouble to contact me and that's appreciated.

I've never received a round-robin email. I don't think the idea of a round-robin would enter the heads of the couples that I'm fond of and who know me. If I did receive a round-robin, I'd think there was something wrong with them (or me!)

MrsE_2

shellsuit wrote: »

That's exactly how I read it too!

Basically, while they are waiting to receive their thank you cards, they are sending that email to tide everyone over.

Thats how I read it too, I couldn't understand why no one else could read the meaning.

Kay_Peel

'In lieu of" means

* instead of
* in place of

I take the meaning to be 'instead of receiving a thank you card, we are sending this email to thank you for your gifts etc.'

JBD

debtdesperado wrote: »

(isn't it horrible how weddings have become a transaction? I was interested to see above how many brides mentioned the cost that they were incurring per guest, which shows that on the guest/bride sides everyone is totting up the cost...even though I'm a bad guest for begrudging all the expense I have gone to? Surely if we are all begrudging the cost, something has gone wrong with modern weddings?!)

This is a good point. There does seem to be a certain amount of resentment sometimes, on both sides. Expensive gift lists, guests no showing, hen and stag 'nights' ,which turn into long weekends, uncooperative bridesmaids etc.Weddings are supposed to be celebrations, it's such a shame when financial concerns seem to override this.

rene2b

sorry dont get it!im sorry but ill say thanks to everyone on the day im not going to send out nor email to say ya 'u made the day im dead greatfull if you wasnt there it wouldnt of been the same'people will get an invite if they come they come if not then its there hard look.

fabforty

debtdesperado wrote: »

I think maybe I'm just overly grouchy... I spent 9 months out of work earlier this year and really begrudged all the expense of attending weddings (I had three in one month), when I am still paying off mortgage arrears.

You didn't have to go though, did you? Or buy a new outfit. Or go to the hen night (sorry, hen weekend).

The only wedding that you have to attend is your own - the rest are optional. If you have debts and mortgage arrears, spending spare cash so that you can attend three weddings plus all the trimmings seems daft. But ultimately, it was your choice. Next time, just say 'no'.

charleypink

debtdesperado wrote: »

I think maybe I'm just overly grouchy... I spent 9 months out of work earlier this year and really begrudged all the expense of attending weddings (I had three in one month), when I am still paying off mortgage arrears.

I'm definitely weddinged out... and fed up of greedy brides who have a huge wedding list of stuff that will just sit in a cupboard unused. Another of the weddings I went to, the bride has told me that they have hired a storage unit for their wedding gifts, as they don't fit in their flat and don't need them at the moment (eg they already have all the house stuff they would ever need)...

No greedy grooms then!!

Im sure if these wedding couples had have known your situation they would have understood when you RSVPed, sorry I can't come:)

kai666

i get offended by bulk round robin emails or letters. but then i always write individual personalised letters for all presents. if people make the effort to buy something for you, you should make the effort to thank them properly

ncv2

I WOULD be offended. They kicked etiquette in the knees and then knocked it over.

I send a thank you card for most occations, when I have dinnner at a friends house, or when I receive a gift.

tartantotty

I am afraid to say that I am a bit old school when it comes to Thank Yous - for any kind of pressie.
I always send a wee thank you when I get a gift (not necessarily a card, but at least a handwritten note), as a matter of courtesy to show that I appreciate someone taking the time and money to give me a gift (be it birthday, christmas or otherwise). To be a bit more MSE I hand deliver as much as possible or send 2nd class.

The same will be done after our wedding, everyone will get a handwritten thanks. I have seen a few people use a wedding pic as part of their thank you card, and I think that is a lovely idea. I have a couple up on my pinboard and they are nice to look at as a reminder of a lovely day! We may do this, but the inside will still be done by hand.

As a recipient of a thank you, I like to know that my gift has been recived and appreciated. Old fashioned maybe, but I was brought up to be polite and courteous. I don't give gifts in order to get a gushing thank you, but a wee acknowlegement is nice!