Any advice?

Chrismojam

I have a friend who has a completely different outlook towards her debts and bills than I have, in that I want them paid off ASAP to avoid paying interest (if poss) and get into the habit of saving and having money to do that with and enjoy myself with. That and planning (hoping) to start a family in the next couple of years...and want to be debt free first....

My friend (bless her) is not good with money......definately an ostrich (or is it emu???....whichever sticks their head in the sand!!)..to the extent were am I am sometimes lost for words......

I have lost count of the number of times she has had the telephone cut off, been nearly evicted because of unpaid rent or council tax.....because she didn't have the money to pay for them...........but the money is there for dvd's, dominoes pizza, harry potter paraphanalia (probably not spelt that right!).......and oooohh and 'I really want a psp'....!!

Now I am a tad old fashioned.....although I have used credit, it has generally been for things that I have needed......mostly......

Now, my mate is a single mum of 15yr old, works part time and so it at the whim of family tax credits (which are cocked up with alarming regularity it seems!)......

Now, every now and then, I try to help her understand how much better she will be off if she pays her debt differently (i.e. using the snowball calculator)....I am met with 'I don't want to talk about it.....'

What can I do? I am trying to help her!! I don't come over all heavy handed......or evangelical!! But I get nowhere.

Today, she tells me her debt is about £5k.....my thought are...'I am in a much better position than she is to pay her debts'.....and I worry about a balance of £7k on a loan and £3k visa (excl mortgage)......

What does she say? I think for someone my age that's not bad is it? :eek:

This is after telling me that she HASN'T been paying them because she hasn't got the money??? Therefore, she is incurring charges as well!!!!!

Any advise on how to deal with this? I really want to help her and I know that helping out financially (even if I could afford it) wouldn't be the answer....

lynzpower

Chris,

Does she WANT to be helped?

You cant turn someones lightbulb on for them Im afraid

Chrismojam

lynzpower wrote:

Chris,

Does she WANT to be helped?

You cant turn someones lightbulb on for them Im afraid

I know!!! I just hate to see her making herself poorer and the credit companies wealthier......

she nows she's in alot of debt.....and complains all the time about never having any money...........but does nothing about it (maybe she feels that she can't) (I am going to try and get an SOA off her and get it all in writing....maybe that will have an impact....)

h4nym

Chris

Your friend sounds like a bankophobe! Does she get paid in cash? If not, get her to set up all her bills on Direct Debit. And standing order the rest!

Anything left is indeed hers to PSP up the wall

;-)

Chrismojam

h4nym wrote:

Chris

Your friend sounds like a bankophobe! Does she get paid in cash? If not, get her to set up all her bills on Direct Debit. And standing order the rest!

Anything left is indeed hers to PSP up the wall

;-)

I think she chooses NOT to pay by DD 'just in case' she doesn't have the money in the bank.......thereby 'saving' herself from getting charged by the bank for unpaid DD's etc.......however, chances are there is something 'more important...or higher on the 'want' list than the bills....

I feel like I'm being unfair in a way....but her attitiude to her bills really winds me up at times....I mean...I have been on my backside at times in the past.....but I have ALWAYS paid my bills.......I don't see the logic in not paying them just so I can 'have' something else..........they still need to be paid!??

Kevicho

Id recommend sitting down with her for an hour, going through her debts/finances and helping her come up with a budget where she can save up for her gadgets or Harry Potter things.

If you can show her it is doable she and that she willhave more money eventually for these things if she sorts it out then you have shown her a way that she may want to do things.

As said before no one can force her down this path, you just need to gently nudge her by appealing to what she wants and how she can get there while being sensible

nomoneytoday

If someone won't help themselves there is little you can do.

Same with any addiction..

forsya

Hello

Raaaahhh, so frustrating for you I bet! I have a friend also like that, well maybe different situations, but same attitude. We have always both been useless with money and just went out and had a good time, buy I since changed and have told her what I have paid off and how, and I say it can be done, you can do it too. I know she is in £15k of debt, yet her and her partner want to buy a house and use the mortgage yo pay off her debts. It makes me so angry, her haphazard view towards her debt. She is so care free, but won't face up to it, or manages to make it all sound ok.

I think it is great that you are trying to help your friend, but it sounds like she just does not want to listen, and I have to agree with the guys here...you cannot make someone have thier lightbulb moment. Howevere I think you could perhaps show her this website and she can read and see other people situations, I think sitting down with her again and going through situations/examples, you never know it may sink in one day.


Don't feel like you are being unfair, you are just being a good mate, trying to help.

All the best to you and to your mate, hope she has her "lightbulb moment" soon....

SSB

Hi
As cruel as it sounds but you will have to back off! Although she is not managing her finances there is nothing you can do, the danger is that you come across with all the vigour of the newly converted and she will be even more determined not to tackle her issues. When your friend is ready, she will seek help but there is always the possibility that the moment never arrives.