Why you WON'T be emigrating over high house prices..

HAMISH_MCTAVISH

It’s a lovely idea, to get out of this stupid, Fairtrade, Brown-stained, Mandelson-skewed, equal-opportunities, multicultural, carbon-neutral, trendily left, regionally assembled, big-government, trilingual, mosque-drenched, all-the-pigs-are-equal, property-is-theft hellhole and set up shop somewhere else. But where?

You can’t go to France because you need to complete 17 forms in triplicate every time you want to build a greenhouse, and you can’t go to Switzerland because you will be reported to your neighbours by the police and subsequently shot in the head if you don’t sweep your lawn properly, and you can’t go to Italy because you’ll soon tire of waking up in the morning to find a horse’s head in your bed because you forgot to give a man called Don a bundle of used notes for “organising” a plumber.

You can’t go to Australia because it’s full of things that will eat you, you can’t go to New Zealand because they don’t accept anyone who is more than 40 and you can’t go to Monte Carlo because they don’t accept anyone who has less than 40 mill. And you can’t go to Spain because you’re not called Del and you weren’t involved in the Walthamstow blag. And you can’t go to Germany ... because you just can’t.

The Caribbean sounds tempting, but there is no work, which means that one day, whether you like it or not, you’ll end up like all the other expats, with a nose like a burst beetroot, wondering if it’s okay to have a small sharpener at 10 in the morning. And, as I keep explaining to my daughter, we can’t go to America because if you catch a cold over there, the health system is designed in such a way that you end up without a house. Or dead.

Canada’s full of people pretending to be French, South Africa’s too risky, Russia’s worse and everywhere else is too full of snow, too full of flies or too full of people who want to cut your head off on the internet. So you can dream all you like about upping sticks and moving to a country that doesn’t help itself to half of everything you earn and then spend the money it gets on bus lanes and advertisements about the dangers of salt. But wherever you go you’ll wind up an alcoholic or dead or bored or in a cellar, in an orange jumpsuit, gently wetting yourself on the web. All of these things are worse than being persecuted for eating a sandwich at the wheel.

I see no reason to be miserable. Yes, Britain now is worse than it’s been for decades, but the lunatics who’ve made it so ghastly are on their way out. Soon, they will be back in Hackney with their South African nuclear-free peace polenta. And instead the show will be run by a bloke whose dad has a wallpaper shop and possibly, terrifyingly, a twerp in Belgium whose fruitless game of hunt-the-WMD has netted him £15m on the lecture circuit.

http://!!!!!!!oldholborn.blogspot.com/

:rotfl:

Jeremy Clarksons latest words of wisdom...

Which have been censored from The Times due to an anti-mandelson rant as well....:eek:

the_ash_and_the_oak

Apart from the people who emigrated to those countries imo

I'd emigrate (and might do for a while) because I like other places not because I dislike this one. No other reason

kabayiri

Try and find a copy of 'The emigrant' radio episode by Tony Hancock.

I took it on holiday with me recently. It was recorded in 1961.

I'm no Clarkson basher but the Hancock episode expresses it more deftly and humourously. The essence remains however

bernard_shaw

Those who consider emigrating are projecting their own inadequacies upon the country. No matter how far they travel, the can never escape themselves.

the_ash_and_the_oak

bernard_shaw wrote: »

Those who consider emigrating are projecting their own inadequacies upon the country. No matter how far they travel, the can never escape themselves.

Same thing is true of those who leave the house imo

System

I like JC, his anecdote books are funny too.

bernard_shaw

I see that Clarkson's rant is being picked up and propagated by far-right commentators.

All the way from neocon Palin-puffing beltway types The Atlantic through tinfoil-hat conspiracy-theorists Barking Moonbat to horse-frightening anti-jewish Nazis Vanguard News Network, you will know Clarkson and the OP by the company they keep.

cootambear

t’s a lovely idea, to get out of this stupid, Fairtrade, Brown-stained, Mandelson-skewed, equal-opportunities, multicultural, carbon-neutral, trendily left, regionally assembled, big-government, trilingual, mosque-drenched, all-the-pigs-are-equal, property-is-theft hellhole and set up shop somewhere else. But where?Someones been injected with pulped up daily mail.

ninky_2

jeremy clarkson is foul.

chopperharris

Looks like he did a copy of one of mine.

The only thing missing is my bit about all those in the costa's moaning about all the immigration to the uk while needing a metal detector to find the irony sitting among their st georges cross pub , union flag towels , england tops ,all day fried breakfasts for five euros , warm beer ,watching sky sports in the spanish version of blackpool they are currently sitting in while claiming benefits and complaining about the one eyed immigrant running england.

iolanthe07

chopperharris wrote: »

Looks like he did a copy of one of mine.

The only thing missing is my bit about all those in the costa's moaning about all the immigration to the uk while needing a metal detector to find the irony sitting among their st georges cross pub , union flag towels , england tops ,all day fried breakfasts for five euros , warm beer ,watching sky sports in the spanish version of blackpool they are currently sitting in while claiming benefits and complaining about the one eyed immigrant running england.

Yeah. Still, if it's any comfort to you, the pound has slipped to almost parity with the Euro. So those 5 Euro breakfasts are costing virtually 5 pounds. Our local Wetherspoons does an excellent breakfast for £2.95. (Rambling.....sorry).