cak timing - what would you do??

paulies_nixie

morning all,

after a bit of advice (but be gentle with me - I got the pig flu and I'm super emotional, the charity adverts are making me blub)

big sister called up and told me my wedding date is her chaps birthday... okay we knew that and he was okay with that.
Well I gave them one of the save the date doodads - our wedding day is his 50th!!! So they wont be able to come to the wedding. They're going up North to be with his family.

Now is this them being not fair cos they knew the date all along?
Or should I move me wedding date (if it's possible)
the day's kinda special to us as well .... but I'd miss me sister.

arrgghhh I cant think straight

Nixie
x

morwenna

Hi hun

First of all, huge hugs.

I understand how important the date is for your wedding - we have the same date, (just in 2010) as it's a significant day for some people.

Could your bro in law celebrate his special birthday the day before with his family - or the day after? It will be a bank holiday after all... or could you combine the two celebrations somehow?

kelda_shelton

yeah if they were all right about it when you initially mentioned it why the issue now?

Id maybe ask if there was any way round it - ie going up the weekend before or whatever...

kingshir

Or how about just letting your sis and BIL do what they want to do? Sorry to sound blunt but I've never understood why people get so stressed about who will/won't be attending weddings etc. It's not as if you won't ever see your sister again!:p I am married and have helped organise several weddings including my own and for most people after a few months, it all fades into just another memory and what seemed important at the time, is seen in it's true prospective.

Hope you feel better soon.

paulies_nixie

I've been married before and my other sister didnt make it to my wedding then.
I wanted a celebration where all my family was there - especialy my sisters.
there's 40 people total and we already had at least 5 no show's that we were kinda expecting.

And she's one of the people that would have understood the significance of what we're trying to do.

in the end I guess she'll go ooop North and I'll get married down sarff.
heck at this rate it'll be us and his family.

funky_snow

i'm confused a little as well - you knew it was his birthday on your wedding and everyone was ok with it - but I guess you both made different assumptions?
You assumed he would spend his birthday at your wedding - and maybe he assumed you'd understand that he wouldn't be at your wedding because its his birthday?
Rough one on you - as I guess your sister has chosen to be with her hubby instead of you. Unless she is expecting you to change your wedding date to suit her it sounds like she's made a choice - and I would accept her choice.
But maybe do something to make it still special and unique:
a) Depending on your 2 venues (wedding and birthday party) - could you get projectors and do a live link up over the web of the 2 parties at some point in the proceedings.
b) arrange for a quiet moment in which you and your new hubby have a private call with your sister and hubby - have you got 3g phones with video calling?
c) arrange a 'rerun' day - where you can get together - go through photos and how the day went, thats a special day for the 2 of you.

paulies_nixie

soz - I'm confusng me self at the moment - not all with it.
They knew the date was his birthday but liked the idea of spending it in Cornwall - they just hadnt realised it was his 50th where his family would want to make a fuss.

3gphones is good idea. Mine is - hers is newer and way more wizzy than mine so it must be

aimee21j

Could you invite a few of his family too? Make it a joint celebration?

Littlemadam83

Making it a joint celebration is a good idea, IF people will travel down to Cornwall. If not, I love the RE-run idea.

At the same time I would be devastated if my brother didnt come, and personally (as selfish as this is) I would want him to have this party the week after or something. On the other hand and this has just come back to me, we did want to get married on the 10/10/10 BUT this is my brothers 21st and we didnt want to rain on his parade.

Sorry thats not much help