Writing a cover letter too long????

djcomps

Dear Fellow Moneysavers!

Was wondering if you could give me some advice. Having to write a cover letter for the first time in ages, spent a lot of time researching it today and have just written my first draft. I was wondering if you would be able to critique it and offer me some advice. The job is for a criminal intelligence analyst. I would appreciate any help you are able to give me.

"This role interests me because ever since I was child I have always had an interest in law enforcement. I was raised in a family where my father worked (and still does) as a policeman. This interest was furthered when I undertook work experience shadowing a solicitor to a manslaughter trial and being able to read numerous different files on which the solicitor was working. This led to me reading law at university and studying many modules, although the criminal law one was of the most interest to me.

After my degree working for the police also furthered my interest and gave me an insight into how the police operate to both try and prevent and detect crime, bringing criminals to justice. Through my degree and working for the police I developed my ability to write and communicate in a clear, logical and concise format. My IT skills with word processing, spreadsheets and databases were also developed. Working for "X" attracts me because it's a massive global organisation whose values for the safeguarding of human rights, equality and justice sit with my own.

I most recently worked as an English Teacher in Spain; and due to this I have taught students from a number of countries mainly in South America and Europe. Working with a diverse range of nationalities has increased my curiosity about different cultures; as has living with a mix of nationalities. I have travelled extensively in Europe, Asia and the United States and have always enjoyed meeting people from different countries and learning about where they come from, their life and their culture. Both at school and since I have attempted to learn a number of languages, most recently Spanish. I attended a language school to improve this as well as being submersed in the language in my everyday life.

Part of teaching required that I was self motivated and organised needing to prepare my own lessons and create the materials to carry these out. It required the ability to think creatively and quickly to solve problems that students would encounter with areas of the language. Being a teacher I developed my communication skills to a high level.

When I have time I like to run, and this year I have competed in a half marathon, a marathon and numerous 10km races. I also enjoy doing a number of other sports- tennis, squash and swimming. At university I was very active in the Lacrosse teams and enjoyed the teamwork aspect of this.

I regularly watch version original cinema and have recently started reading Spanish fiction too. An activity I participate in outside of work is language exchanges and I have a number of these with people from various countries in South America so that I am able to become accustomed to the various different Spanish accents that exist.

All of the reasons above make this post an extremely suitable one for me as I have the necessary passion, motivation, skills, experience and attributes to perform well in the role. I therefore hope that I will be an asset to the Department and "X".

Yours faithfully"

TEDDYRUKSPIN

You asked for a critique regarding the above covering letter. Ok. You have applied for a criminal intelligence analyst position either for the police forensic team or a private firm dealing with forensic work? Correct? Or you applied for the specialist team dealing with crime.

Ignoring the above, you have completely missed the boat on the cover letter. The cover letter is mean't to tell the people why you are suitable for the position. THIS MUST be in line with the advertisement. The advertisement will always have essentials, desirables, what they do etc etc etc.

So in each paragraph you would start off that you have seen the position advertised in blah blah blah.

You are suitable for the position as you previously had degree in which you analysed etc etc.

Long the lines of this, you would end with, that you would be looking forward to hearing from them.

Roughly, covering letters must not be longer than one A4 page! The covering letter is like a summary of why you are suitable! It's a make or break situation. If you don't hit this point, they don't even read the cv.

You must understand that actually the HR team will read this and not the main recruiter in question. I was told that they read as many as 100 of applications and either feed it through a computer system or someone is holding a highlighter looking for the key words.

So for example, if they ask for team player or adaptability, you must include it in the covering letter or somewhere in the cv with an example!

terra_ferma

TEDDYRUKSPIN wrote: »

You asked for a critique regarding the above covering letter. Ok. You have applied for a criminal intelligence analyst position either for the police forensic team or a private firm dealing with forensic work? Correct? Or you applied for the specialist team dealing with crime.

Ignoring the above, you have completely missed the boat on the cover letter. The cover letter is mean't to tell the people why you are suitable for the position. THIS MUST be in line with the advertisement. The advertisement will always have essentials, desirables, what they do etc etc etc.

So in each paragraph you would start off that you have seen the position advertised in blah blah blah.

You are suitable for the position as you previously had degree in which you analysed etc etc.

Long the lines of this, you would end with, that you would be looking forward to hearing from them.

Roughly, covering letters must not be longer than one A4 page! The covering letter is like a summary of why you are suitable! It's a make or break situation. If you don't hit this point, they don't even read the cv.

You must understand that actually the HR team will read this and not the main recruiter in question. I was told that they read as many as 100 of applications and either feed it through a computer system or someone is holding a highlighter looking for the key words.

So for example, if they ask for team player or adaptability, you must include it in the covering letter or somewhere in the cv with an example!

Have we read the same post?
It seems to me that communication skills, IT, creating thinking, problem solving are probably criteria from the persons specification.

I interpreted this application as working for an organisation dealing with human rights, a post either based in or dealing with S. America.
DJ if I'm wrong then you totally missed the boat. If not, and the skills you mention are directly relevant to the job description than it seems ok to me.
As you talk a lot about Spanish Language and culture this must be one of the main criteria for selection, I assume. Again if not you have seriously missed the point as half the letter is about that.
Hope I'm right.

Re. HR reading CVs, it depends. I read my CVs and with another manager we shortlist applicants, HR don't even look at them until we have shortlisted for the interview. It probably depends on the organisation.

TEDDYRUKSPIN

True I may have missed the boat. Just a main pointer is to concentrate on the advertisement itself!!!!

djcomps

thank you both for your replies.

I haven't included where I saw the job because it's a direct application on the employers website (as far as I know they only advertise on their own website). The application is a form you complete plus your CV and covering letter.

I have tried to include the required criteria in my cover letter. A law degree is one of the specific requirements. Excellent written and oral skills, ability to work as an individual and in a team, cultural understanding, language ability, self motivation, ability to synthesize ideas and issues, logical and objective reasoning, creativity and original thinking. Excellent IT skills. Also on a further section there are parts about dedication to human rights and equality etc.

Do I need to cover the above more explicitly with examples? With numerous things I have written that ..I developed my skills.... should I be stating how or to what extent?

Is this cheesy "Working for "X" attracts me because it's a massive global organisation whose values for the safeguarding of human rights, equality and justice sit with my own"? Or if validated appreciated by the company?

terra_ferma: the post is for a global role, so South America would play a part.
TEDDYRUKSPIN: its for an organisation that deals with crime globally

thanks again )

TEDDYRUKSPIN

The reason I asked was because I applied to a similar position 3 years ago and go into the final interview stage. I did'nt turn up to the final stage as I accepted another.

The first application, if accepted will get you into an examination type - assessment centre - in a undisclosed area. Very secretive. It will take roughly 2 hours. You will see alot of people there!

Final stage will be an interview and presentation.

Back to the above, the idea is really to hit the description. Majority of the job is research and analysis. You wil be greatly surprised how much is required.

IT skills will be covered in the cv. So you can leave that.

Start with a statement. Don't worry too much about it. Something like, I am applying for the position of "X" as advertised on your website. I am interested in applying for this position as I believe my skills and experience are suitable for this position.

Then started talking about why!

You have two options to do this:

(1) Just do something similar like above but hit the points!
(2) Or do bullet points - HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

Finish with a final statement stating that you are readily available and if required you can contact me on the following number.

As I don't have the description, I suggest you just type it up and get someone in the family to look at it. It is always better to get a second eye on it.

LittleVoice

djcomps wrote: »

This led to [STRIKE]me [/STRIKE]my reading law at university and studying many modules, although the criminal law one was of the most interest to me.

Working for "X" attracts me because [STRIKE]it's[/STRIKE] it is a massive global organisation whose values for the safeguarding of human rights, equality and justice sit with my own.

Use the application form and CV for the facts: keep the cover letter to a page in length which picks out the key points. Sell yourself as the right person for the job rather than the job being what's right for you.

Blue text above is for consideration if you were to continue using those sentences.

Good luck with the application.

terra_ferma

Glad I'm wrong.

I would not use the word 'massive', but rather describe the organisation as a leader in its field.

Good luck!

LittleVoice

terra_ferma wrote: »

I would not use the word 'massive', but rather describe the organisation as a leader in its field.

I agree about not using "massive" - it's also like the informality of using "it's" which I suggested changing as I was looking at the grammar.

Alcmene

Hello

I do not envy you the task, writing a cover letter is very difficult.

It might be an idea to get someone who is very good at English grammar to proof read it for you. You claim that your English is excellent, yet there are a few mistakes. Here is one of them...

Both at school and since I have attempted to learn a number of languages, most recently Spanish. I attended a language school to improve this as well as being submersed in the language in my everyday life.

djcomps

Sorry, that a) this has taken so long to write and b) it bumps the thread.

Just wanted to say thank you for your comments. Rewrote the cover letter, shortened it and hit the ads requirements more explicitly.

thanks again

DJ