Help for my Mum Please!

Flower567

Hi Guys

Am kinda new on here but have been lurking about for some time - I think the site is really good, helpful and supportive.

I am writing on behalf of my Mum and was looking any help or advice that anybody may be able to give. I apologise in advance if this is going to be a long post!

Basically my Mum split up from her partner last year - he was an awful man who was extremeley abusive and agressive. I have recently found out that he has also left her with a lot of debt, basically everything was in her name and her debt totals about £40k. She does own a house which is soley in her name and is currently on the market, however no interest - she has dropped it but still not getting anybody through the door. At the moment the house does have some equity so should it sell she will be able to pay the debt and she has a little bit of savings which she is using to pay the mortgage (as he has stopped paying this despite the fact they agreed that he would as they have a little boy together). We are holding out that should the house sell she will be ok but if it does not soon and she runs out of savings to pay the mortgage she will have to let it get repossessed and then consider bankruptcy to cover any shortfall if the bank sell it for less and clear the debt.

At the moment she is managing to pay most things but it is a BIG struggle and a worry. I have assured her that it will be ok whatever happens but she feels at the age that she is (47) that if this was to happen then she is too old to start again and move on. I appreciate she is not in as bad a situation as some people but she is not sleeping well (nor am I) - basically just want any advice or help as to what people think to her situation.

Thanks.

mum2one

Your mum should be extremely proud of you, your are a careing daughter to put your mum 1st.

The first think I would suggest is your mum sits down and goes through all the financial incomings and outgoings, look for ways to cut the outgoings (obviously a pound or 2 saved here, pays an extra pound or two off a debt.

The house is the issue, maybe your mum should contact a solicitor, as to see what grounds the ex-partner has, incase he has any claims on the house, and obviously look at CSA.

Maybe she may be best contacting CCCS, the debt helpline, (there be on the front page and go through the links).

If you were my daughter I would be very proud of you, I might shout at first as you've asked for advice, but once calmed down be in tears, but tears of how you have ur head screwed on.

Plz don't assume I'm haveing a go at you, thats the last thing I mean.

as for your mum, for hecks sake shes only 47, they say life use to begin at 40, now 50 is the new 40 and she hasn't even hit 50 yet.

My dad, he didn't adventurous till he was after 60, since then hes flown a light aircraft (trail lesson), 4 x 4 off road experience, driven a rally car, been up in a hot air ballon twice, and at the grand age of 71 he went up in a helicopter.

take care xx

So_Sad_Angel

Hi Flower567

Welcome Honey....as a lurker I guess you know alot of us regulars by now.

Firstly....at 47 your Mum is at a fantastic time in her life...she is still young enough for a whole new life ahead & will have the energy to have a great time! The debt stuff will be dragging her down though & as you say she needs to move it on.

She must speak to one of the free debt charities CCCS/ CAB/Nat Debtline....get advice & that knowledge will give you both the confidence to sort this mess out.

Above all remember that all debt situations can be resolved one way or another.

You sound a very supportive daughter & she is very lucky to have someone who is willing to stand by her & get her through this. Well done you :A

As I say get advice & if BR is an option ( remember there may be other avenues to explore first) then there is plenty of support here.

Take care,

Angiexx

alastairq

tell Mum she would not so much be starting afresh, as 'clearing out the old cupboards'...

Once she sits down and puts the finances in perspective..ie an SOA, if you like, then she will know exactly where she stands, what the future holds, and how to take charge.

Taking advice also helps clear the doubts.......once the ol' brain knows where it stands, sleepless nights become a thing of the past.

Flower567

Hello

Thank you so much for the lovely posts. It has made me feel a lot better. I guest the worrying thing is the unknown but am definatley going to get her to go to one of the debt charities and see if they can help.

She has spoken to a Solicitor who has confirmed that he has no interest in the house, long story but basically he went bankrupt just after he met my Mum (hence why everything is in my Mum's name!) and she re-mortgaged the house to pay for his bankruptcy as he got a BRO. Silly thing to do as hardly knew him but hey ho you never think of these situations at the time! Luckily she does have documentation that because of that he has no interest. She has also contacted the CSA but he is telling them loads of lies - that he is paying the mortgage, which he is not so they are dragging their feet!

I am just worried that this may be the final straw for her as she has had the most horrendous 12 years with him and it just hurts me so much to see her having to go through all of this, she is such a lovely person who would do anything for anybody and has worked hard all her life - I just want to take it all of her shoulders and deal with it for her! Anyway, just needed to get it all of my chest. Really grateful for the comments.

Angie - yes I do know the regulars by now - it is silly really, as you feel really close to people even though you dont know them!

Thanks again!

Tinytim

Flower, as everyone else has said, get your mum to talk to one of the debt charities, and maybe get her to come on here in her own right

If it helps, I am also 47, and have four children, the youngest of which is 3 at Christmas. She really does have time to start again and I wish her all the best, whatever happens.

As others have said, good on you for looking out for her. It is so important to know that those closest to you are supportive - this is speaking as a 47 year old whose 70 year old mum turned up yesterday on the doorstep with a bag of goodies for the fridge

mum2one

Didn't want to run without seeing how you are, gd news re house, to an extent in our lives we've all made errors of judgments one way or another,in the case of me men and money, which I'm sure is the same as a lot of us on here.

Def agree with tinytim, re your mum, get her to see the thread, and that there are some nice people on here, and 99% of us will do anything we can to help.
x

dancingfairy

Please do not assume the worst - there are other options that may be suitable for your mum but she needs to chat through them with the debt advisers at the charity places - it is by no means guaranteed that she will loose the house so don't worry about that yet.
Life can be so cruel sometimes but hopefully now the partner has gone she can begin to enjoy her life - and gosh 47 isn't that old - she might have another 50 years left in her! It sounds like she has been extremely shaken and if this chap was as unpleasant as you say he will have destroyed her confidence so it may taker her a while to get it back but no doubt she will get there with your help and support.
df

Holes_in_my_pocket

Male, 49, Divorced, 2 kids, Bankrupt, DEBT FREE,
,and happy

mum2one

Holes_in_my_pocket wrote: »

Male, 49, Divorced, 2 kids, Bankrupt, DEBT FREE,
,and happy

R u single (only joking) xx

Holes_in_my_pocket

Sorry not single , new partner is great and not a shopalolic lol , what i find amazing she was a single mother, daughter now grown up though she has a credit card never had a loan in her life now 50yrs old . my ex wife i got involved with her and £3000 catalogue debt £3000 Loan which i managed to pay off so we could get a mortage then the slippery slope started. Bigger LOANS AND MORE CATAOGUES.