My Secret Debt

Curlyz

Of course it's not his money
His dad paid his way for him as a gesture to help him raise some extra cash and so he would have a milestone round his neck at the end of uni on the understnading that he would pay the money back without paying interest on it - he's let him down. He now has to face up to his dad and pay the money back as quickly as he can - make some sacrifices to show his dad he can be responsible in life. Sorry OP don't want to sound harsh - but facts are facts

Broken_hearted

Agree with Curlyz a loan is not your money, thats how we get into debt we spend money we don't have then get a shock when we have to pay it back.
I am speaking as a parent,someone who has been a uni student, has debt and have parents who want me to make the best life possible for myself.
My dad hates the fact we are in debt, he went mad when I took out a secured loan for a holiday, he was proud when I went to uni. He's more proud now that I'm bailing myself out of debt, likes to keep updated on my progress. He didn't like the moody cow who wouldn't admit she was in a mess.
From my view as a parent I want my children to start their adult life debt free. If they have problems I am their mother, they should be able to talk to me. Yes I get anoyed but only because I care. Parents are only human, they work hard to give their children the best.

xela_17

Reading your post OP, my sister (who I am pretty much responsible for - she lives with me in uni holidays) is in almost the exact situation. When she told me how much she has spent in her first year of uni (over £6000) I went nuts. I'm still mad with her and we're not really speaking at the minute.

However, the difference seems to be that you feel mortified over what has happened AND you're trying your best to save back the money, whereas my sister couldn't give a hoot about the money she has wasted, when she's meant to be contributing to our household.

What I'm trying to say is your dad will be mad and despairing (he'll be disappointed, despite his best efforts, he has not been able to save you from debt) but if you show him that you've learnt your lesson and what you've been saving, at least he'll know that you're trying to make it up.

Kevicho

I think you should explain to your parents what the situation is, and how you intend to sort it out

I worry that you may pressure yourself into a loan or some other way to get the money back, when a student loan is probably the best debt, certainly interest wise

Pigeongirl

Personally I wouldn't say anything to your parents if it is a student loan in your name. There is no reason why they should have to know if you don't want to tell them. It is a low interest loan and you can pay it back when you are earning high enough.

Just don't take out any further loans!

tycooncico

I am so glad there are sites like this about, i really have kept this a personal secret for nearly 5 years, and although i knew deep down it was a problem, i tried to hide from it.

Talking about it and reading what you have all said has helped so so much, I'm still working on a way of telling my dad but i'm not feeling as nervous about breaking the news!

Need to get my head straight and think how i'm going to tell him, and more importantly how i can show him i am trying.

I'll keep you posted!

Thanks everyone :beer:

In_Search_Of_Me

Read the above..have to say that I think (regardless of good intentions) that your parents are somewhat naieve to expect you, as a young student, not to blow the lot!! Yup, great in theory but come on...student life vs sensible? Its the time of discovery, adventure & I am not surprised that this has happened! Yes you need to fess up, apolgise and recognise that your parents will have lost some trust in you but will do even more if you dont tell them! Its not clear whether he gave you the loan or if its in your name? If its yours then your responsibility to pay it back!! If money theirs then they have more of a right being annoyed. As for the parents bit & those above who were quite harsh in responses..surely part of being a parent is realising that children get to the stage when they need to make their own mistakes!! Feel sure you'll feel better onec you've fessed up!

fairylights_2

I'm with the posters that say "actually not his business". It's your loan, not his, so you shouldn't feel so bad. Is it one of the loans that takes the money straight from your payslip? Perhaps just telling him that it's taken care of would be enough ...

At the end of the day, you know you've lost out, since you aren't sitting on a pot of cash, BUT you're no worse off than most other graduates. Don't beat yourself up about it, just take control of your finances. It's your life, and you're an adult.

If you really feel you have to tell him everything then make sure you have something to show that you're dealing with it. If you were living at home at the time, then they must have noticed you were spending - they probably suspect the truth anyway.

dudleyboy

Hi, tycooncico, I have to agree with others... it's your loan, in your name, and you're 23! you don't need your parent's permission, consent or blessing any more. you certainly don't have to provide reports, bank statements and justify yourself to them (unless you default at their address and are in the serious muck, in which case you do ).

You did betray their trust if an agreement was made... so i can fully understand your predicament... but i'm guessing your dad will be more disappointed than angry. you could have earned A LOT of interest in that time... he'll probably be just frustrated for you that you didn't and are now in debt.

I have to admit I wonder how you managed to spend £14k, while still living at home, without your parents noticing?

david_hellier

Pity you spent it at the end of the day it's your responsibility. So we are where we are.

Not sure whether your dad wants his money back. If not then keep quiet.

Do not worry about your student loan. Just treat it as a tax that will be collected later in life. There will be much more important things to pay off later in life. One day the loan will be insignificant.

More importantly you need to budget and be honest with yourself about money in the future. So work it out and spend less than you earn. WRITE IT DOWN.