Your thought's please

gareth01422

mikeouk wrote: »

op,unfortunately, there are always people who will just jump into a thread and start passing irrelevant comments, i replied to oldernotwisers post saying their comment was unfair because of this, it really annoys me that theres always some amature therapist lurking waiting to put someone down when theyve come here wanting impartial advice. Just because your having relationship issues doesnt have anything to do with how good you are at parenting. You just have to make sure it doesnt cross over into your relationship with your child, im sure you know this anyway.

I get the feeling you and your GF are constantly playing mind games, i.e. you knew she'd put a post on here about her concerns over you, so youve done the same probably knowing she will read your thread. I dont agree with people who are saying "well if that happened to me id dump her/him" relationships are complex and know one can ever really know what goes on within a relationship or how the two people truely feel about each other. No doubt your girlfriend is following this thread, you both need to sit down and talk, tell each other everything, get all the secrets out of the way and start a clean slate, if either one of you cant do that or cant forgive the other then im sure this relationship will be doomed. Finding someone you love deeply isnt easy, its not something you should walk away from lightly, so if its a relationship worth fighting for and you both want to then theres 2 things you have to do, communicate and forgive.

A relationship is like a 3 legged stool, one leg is trust, one is sex, one is friendship, take anyone of the legs away and the stool falls over,,,,,,you get me?

good luck

yes i agree. and from the state of these post we both have been posting i know which leg has fallen off,

thanks for the advice guys, some of you have been a great help.

Oldernotwiser

mikeouk wrote: »

a little unfair I think, you cant condem someone for their parenting skills basing it on a forum post.

People who behave like badly brought up teenagers in their private lives are unlikely to be bringing up their own children to behave in a better fashion than they do themselves.

gareth01422

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

People who behave like badly brought up teenagers in their private lives are unlikely to be bringing up their own children to behave in a better fashion than they do themselves.

If you have nothing constructive to say them please dont as your waisting our time and effort.

babymoo

If a relationship is that hard work then its not worth it. Yes relationships are difficult but not to the point where your checking up on each other and playing stupid games. Its a year on you can't forgive her, you don't trust her and its making you and probably her and kids miserable.

There are 2 decent things you can both do. Agree its over. And hand your driving licenses back. Drinking and Driving kills and it always kills the innocent.

gareth01422

babymoo wrote: »

If a relationship is that hard work then its not worth it. Yes relationships are difficult but not to the point where your checking up on each other and playing stupid games. Its a year on you can't forgive her, you don't trust her and its making you and probably her and kids miserable.

There are 2 decent things you can both do. Agree its over. And hand your driving licenses back. Drinking and Driving kills and it always kills the innocent.

no we actually keep the kids out of it, Its between us only. And it wasnt me driving while drunk. I was well under the limit as I hadnt drunk a drop of alchol.

cakeordeath_2

I think you should both go your separate ways, you don't sound at all happy and you have been beating yourself up for a whole year already.

She has given you her version of the story and I think that is all you are likely to get. You don't believe it and you have reasons for that.

Is it really worth using up more of your lives on a relationship that seems unable to move forward? Don't you both deserve to be happy? If you can't move on from this together, then do it separately for both your sakes.

Good luck.

mikeouk

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

People who behave like badly brought up teenagers in their private lives are unlikely to be bringing up their own children to behave in a better fashion than they do themselves.

this is a sweeping statement.

my point is that the op posted on here wanting advice on his situation with his gf. Maybe it does effect their children and maybe it doesnt, we dont know because the only info we have is regarding the relationship, your comments are irrelevant to the original post.

Pollycat

Hi Gareth
What strikes me as really strange in your first post is that you describe an incident that happened almost a year ago, but don't mention anything at all about how your relationship has been over the last year.

My view is - if you can't put this incident (and some others that you've mentioned in later posts) behind you - what point is there in staying with this person?

It will just continue tearing you apart - you've already admitted that you can't sleep 4 nights a week for thinking about it.

There seems to be a general thread of mistrust in your relationship - you don't trust her contact with this guy, she doesn't like you adding girls to your Facebook.

Have you two actually sat down and discussed how you both feel about all of this?

gareth01422

Pollycat wrote: »

Hi Gareth
What strikes me as really strange in your first post is that you describe an incident that happened almost a year ago, but don't mention anything at all about how your relationship has been over the last year.

My view is - if you can't put this incident (and some others that you've mentioned in later posts) behind you - what point is there in staying with this person?

It will just continue tearing you apart - you've already admitted that you can't sleep 4 nights a week for thinking about it.

There seems to be a general thread of mistrust in your relationship - you don't trust her contact with this guy, she doesn't like you adding girls to your Facebook.

Have you two actually sat down and discussed how you both feel about all of this?

The last year has been tough for us both, a month after all this happened i was made redundant so that as added presure onto the relationship. But me and my gf have always argued and its usually over stupid things or over someone else is involved.

End of the day, we dont trust each other and we probably have more resons to split up than we do to stay together.

skypie123_2

I don't have any real advice for you Gareth as only you can know if this relationship is something you want to work at and save. Communication is paramount in my experience to sorting things out so maybe sit down and try and tell her how you feel or show her the orginial post?
I hope you work things out one way or another and find some peace soon though.
x