Your thought's please

fernliebee

In your posts you mention the Pub a fair few times. All these things are happening when you are both drunk/ had a drink. I would say if it makes you act stupidly don't drink.

TBH as there are kids involved that you do not have together I would make a break for it. This is not healthy for either of you and is not healthy for children to be raised in such an atmosphere. If you stay together I think you really need to put a line under what has happened and go from now with a clean slate. You will never know thw 100% truth and so should just make the best of what you have IMO.

Good luck with it though, I can see how it must be eating away at you and I hope you can resolve it in one way or another.

gareth01422

In your posts you mention the Pub a fair few times. All these things are happening when you are both drunk/ had a drink. I would say if it makes you act stupidly don't drink.

TBH as there are kids involved that you do not have together I would make a break for it. This is not healthy for either of you and is not healthy for children to be raised in such an atmosphere. If you stay together I think you really need to put a line under what has happened and go from now with a clean slate. You will never know thw 100% truth and so should just make the best of what you have IMO.

Good luck with it though, I can see how it must be eating away at you and I hope you can resolve it in one way or another.

No we dont drink that often at all. I think i need some sort of closure on it. And yes if i found out the truth and its the worst then i would get over it, for us, not just me, all of us.

ok op.

i agree with alikay, this is all abit "jeremy kyle" couldnt have put it better.

the truth is IMHO she probably did do something with this guy that night, i think deep down you know it and your just looking for a glimer of hope that it didnt. If she was not thinking straight enough to realise how wrong it was to drink drive then she certainly wouldnt have though it wrong to have sex with him.

yes i agree

Is it your GF you love or having this family unit what you love?

Yes i love the family unit, but i love my GF more, the only reason i am still living in the area we live is because of her (as my son lives about 50 miles away)

And these people are responsible for bringing up children - ye gods!

What so we are bad parents because we have issues with each other? i think may be you need to grow up a little and get in the real world. Both are sons are great kids, being brought up in a good way. so dont call us bad parents as thats is not what im here for.

If a man accused me of cheating, he would be out. If he questioned my loyalty, then I would know that there was nothing in our relationship any more. To get that accusation makes you feel cheap and nasty, literally like nothing, as the other person doesn't value you enough to trust you.

Whys that, if someone thinks your doing wrong and asks you (as they should) you would tell them to do one? are you that perfect?

forgive my bluntness, but i don't think either of you are mature enough for a relationship. it's all sounding very schoolyard - tit for tat, banging on doors, checking phones.

if you're serious about keeping this relationship going, then i would suggest taking a step back, looking right into it and asking yourself some hard questions. you have jealousy issues, and that will impact on your GF's behaviour. i'm not saying she is blameless, but would she be communicating with someone else if you were the perfect man for her?

my ex husband was jealous (note the 'ex' part), and it's toxic. i realised eventually that his jealousy was not out of love for me, but for his own pride.

i wasn't cheating, and never had or would, but he was consumed with finding evidence that simpy wasn't there. i couldn't even speak to old (male) school friends who i might have bumped into, because i would get sarcastic comments, and once was dragged by the hand out of a pub to the taxi because just that happened. in the end i got so sick of being accused i began to hate him and left. it's quite insulting actually. i felt as if my hubby was calling me a tart.

i would ask you to ask yourself, why do you want to know what really happened that day? to prove yourself right or to just have the truth with which to work on and rebuild your love..?

if you want to be her man, then let go of the past, and be her man. be kind. love her. think of her. be everything she wants in a partner. talk. listen. understand. control your anger.

you will reap what you sow.

Jesus christ.

What really is making me laugh inside is the fact my girlfriend posted in this forum the other day about me adding a girl on my facebook and most of you said "get rid of him" I did add her as she was doing my course, and since then I’ve made part of the admin on the facebook group i started for the course. I think when it comes to a women posting most of you are with because she is a women. Now I’ve told you she drove her car drunk, met another man while drunk and while in a relationship with me I’m a bad parent and I should get over it (that’s what I’m here for). What are some of you people on?

here’s the link http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1972159

And as for the parenting skills, god some of you make me sick and people come and ask for advice, what a joke.


Other than that, to the people who have read what i have said and offered advice, thank you for your help.

mummy_Jay

Put it all down on paper, everything that worries you and you doubt and why. Also put why you love her, why this relationship is the most important thing to you, all the positives. Given them to her and ask her to help you work thorough your issues. It may also be a good idea to get her to do the same so you can work through any issues she has at the same time, to maintain the balance.

The only way I can see to stop this eating away at you is to get both of you communicating openly about it all.

Also plan a fun day out all off you to just blow off steam, how about a day at the fair with the boys?

gareth01422

mummy_Jay wrote: »

Put it all down on paper, everything that worries you and you doubt and why. Also put why you love her, why this relationship is the most important thing to you, all the positives. Given them to her and ask her to help you work thorough your issues. It may also be a good idea to get her to do the same so you can work through any issues she has at the same time, to maintain the balance.

The only way I can see to stop this eating away at you is to get both of you communicating openly about it all.

Also plan a fun day out all off you to just blow off steam, how about a day at the fair with the boys?

Brilliant advice, thanks for that idea. I will give it a go.

My only concern with it is the lie's. Only last night she told me she only has one email, I know she has 3 as i have the passwords for 2 of them. may be she ment she didnt use them. At the time i didnt say anything as it will only fuel her anger more.

galvanizersbaby

gareth01422 wrote: »

Brilliant advice, thanks for that idea. I will give it a go.

My only concern with it is the lie's. Only last night she told me she only has one email, I know she has 3 as i have the passwords for 2 of them. may be she ment she didnt use them. At the time i didnt say anything as it will only fuel her anger more.

Hi OP

I did try and read your opening post but I gave up - good to see you have found paragraphs since then

Seriously from reading yours and your girlfriends posts (the one you linked to in this thread) it is clear to see that you don't have trust in your relationship.

Are you not able to sit down and have a blame free discussion with each other?
Why not communicate with each other rather than post for others opinion's on here - other people's opinions do not matter - you need to communicate

mrcow

So you are both members on here?

Why don't you just ask her to reply to your thread? Then there's your answer.

This is a very bizarre relationship - do neither of you actually talk to each other?

gareth01422

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Hi OP

I did try and read your opening post but I gave up - good to see you have found paragraphs since then

Seriously from reading yours and your girlfriends posts (the one you linked to in this thread) it is clear to see that you don't have trust in your relationship.

Are you not able to sit down and have a blame free discussion with each other?
Why not communicate with each other rather than post for others opinion's on here - other people's opinions do not matter - you need to communicate

Believe me i have tried, Ive tried the shouting approach, the calm adult approach and all i get is one word answers or nothing at all. she just looks down her nose and says nothing. And yes i totally agree, we have no trust at all. mine is of the night on my birthday, hers is probably from the dating sites 3 years ago. I know its no excuse , its all tit for tat. but sleeping with someone else is a whole new ball game. Once someone has done it, nothing will ever change.

thank you again.......these constructive comments are helping a lot

jcr16

oh hun, i can see it from both points of view. i can understand why you mind is churning about it.

BUT,

this main issus i see here is trust. there clearly is none , or very little.

you and your girlfriend need to sit down and have a long chat, see if you can forgive, forget and move on. if not then you need to walk away and start afresh.

a healthy relationship will never survive if you always bring up old problems or issue's. you do need to move on.

if she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, love forever come rain or shine, sickness and health etc then you need to move on. draw a line under it and don't bring it up again.

good luck with whatever you decide to do. it won't be easy either options but which ever you choose. stick with it and be strong.

Magpie.

When I read your first post my initial thought was that after all this time you either need to forget it and move on or split.

Since you posted the link to her post it's clear that you both have a real trust issue.

Nobody needs to tell you that you must sit down together and talk about it, maybe even some counselling. You cannot have a healthy relationship with no trust or dragging up the past.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

mikeouk

gareth01422 wrote: »

What really is making me laugh inside is the fact my girlfriend posted in this forum the other day about me adding a girl on my facebook and most of you said "get rid of him" I did add her as she was doing my course, and since then I’ve made part of the admin on the facebook group i started for the course. I think when it comes to a women posting most of you are with because she is a women. Now I’ve told you she drove her car drunk, met another man while drunk and while in a relationship with me I’m a bad parent and I should get over it (that’s what I’m here for). What are some of you people on?


And as for the parenting skills, god some of you make me sick and people come and ask for advice, what a joke.


.

op,unfortunately, there are always people who will just jump into a thread and start passing irrelevant comments, i replied to oldernotwisers post saying their comment was unfair because of this, it really annoys me that theres always some amature therapist lurking waiting to put someone down when theyve come here wanting impartial advice. Just because your having relationship issues doesnt have anything to do with how good you are at parenting. You just have to make sure it doesnt cross over into your relationship with your child, im sure you know this anyway.

I get the feeling you and your GF are constantly playing mind games, i.e. you knew she'd put a post on here about her concerns over you, so youve done the same probably knowing she will read your thread. I dont agree with people who are saying "well if that happened to me id dump her/him" relationships are complex and know one can ever really know what goes on within a relationship or how the two people truely feel about each other. No doubt your girlfriend is following this thread, you both need to sit down and talk, tell each other everything, get all the secrets out of the way and start a clean slate, if either one of you cant do that or cant forgive the other then im sure this relationship will be doomed. Finding someone you love deeply isnt easy, its not something you should walk away from lightly, so if its a relationship worth fighting for and you both want to then theres 2 things you have to do, communicate and forgive.

A relationship is like a 3 legged stool, one leg is trust, one is sex, one is friendship, take anyone of the legs away and the stool falls over,,,,,,you get me?

good luck