Just some moral support needed... please!!!!

stressedandconfused_2

Hi, folks, got my OR interview on Monday. I am totally panicking really really dreading it. I feel like a failure and a criminal. I'm not, I robbed Peter to pay Paul and ended up in a terrible mess, but have nothing to show for it. No fancy holidays, cars, drug or gambling habits, rolex watches. I am so embarrassed and dont know what to say.

OR clerk said its fine to take my forms to the meeting so I assume this will run and run after the meeting.

Going on holiday on 16th Oct (paid for by in-laws) been arranged for over a year. Will I get a night's sleep there or should I be fretting about horrific OR letters being jammed into my letterbox at home?

Was kind of feeling relieved about biting the bullet but just want to curl up and die, have let my gorgeous little girl down, its her 6th birthday soon, and my lovely, understanding, SOLVENT partner down. Having some very, very dark and lonely thoughts xx You guys have kept me going over the last few weeks since I logged on here, best of luck to you all and any advice gratefully received!!!

MicheH

Aw, just aw. You are stitting right now at the most difficult part of bankruptcy, well in my opinion anyway. The few days before is an absolute nightmare, so much soul searching, so much beating yourself up, worry for the future, shameful feelings mixed with guilt and the unknowing of what actually will happen at crown court.

I have two little girls 1 and just turned 5. Through their parents they have lot their home and my eldest has had to move schools 2 weeks after starting 'big' school with her nursery friends. As an adult these sound like they'll worry the socks of little ones but in reality she's chuffed cos she's now got 2 gardens and water fountain and a big fitted desk in her new room. Her new school has a play house with stairs and an upstairs. Well I tell you, there's no going back for Amy!

I guess what i'm trying to say is it's so true that children are resiliant, as long as she has your love and attention and mum and dad are happy, which you will be soon hun, honestly. For all it is sooo tough to go through, so frustrating at times dealing with the insurances and utilities but I have never regretted going bankrupt and I know I never will. It's going to be a tough few days simply because you're going to put yourself through the mill, just you.

Chin up hun and keep posting x

alastairq

Honestly, you really have little to worry about...my main concern was my rubbish memory! However would I remember all those dates and things? Or the arguments I would present in my favour?

Best thing is to stick to the statement you made when in court..[section 13, I beleive??]...which outlined how you got into debt in the first place.
Stop feeling like a naughty person, you're not....nor have you 'let anyone down'.

Neither are you a 'failure''...in fact, quite the opposite, you have dealt admirably with the situation...think what things could have been like, if you were still trying to make ends meet? Trying to service the debts?

Really, I suspect you have been a victim of our financial industry, so you ought to consider yourself as such.

Now your income can be used for its rightful purpose, and not to fill the coffers of an over-greedy financial industry!

Apart from certain inconveniences as a BR, life should be getting a lot better for you and your family.

As for ''Insolvency''? Really it is but a technicality...a label...because I suspect you are now a lot more 'solvent' than you used to be??

Simplistically, the OR [or, person handling your case] needs information to 'fill the boxes'....this is mainly what the interview is about. [or, mine was...] and you will not be left to fend for yourself on the streets!

Indeed, you will be left enough to live fairly comfortably....if your income is sufficiently great that an IPA is instituted, tha lasts for 3 years....but if your income isn't so big, there isn't anything to concern yourslef about....

the OR simply needs to identify your assets.....they wont be rooting through your belongings!

Tell him how much it costs for you and your family to live..and the OR will either agree or disagree..but will be open to ''negotiation'...apparently.

It really isn't like a benefits investigation, honest!

Get organised, get your ducks in a row, then relax.

and best of luck!

jellygirl_2

Hi - you will go to court, fill with your papers and your fees, hand them over to the clerk who will go through them with you - I was seen in a separate room which was nice and private. Depending on the business of the court and its particular procedures, you may have to see the judge, or just be declared and get an initial phone interview later from the OR office. The people at the courts do this every day and they wont be judgemental towards you - in fact very much the opposite. Dont be hard on yourself - its a brave thing to do, to face up to your financial problems and actually make steps to put them right.
Its not easy, going through BR but the worst part (for me anyway) is the lead up to it. You are not a criminal - BR is a way to release you from the burden of debt, however caused, and will give you a new start, where you can take control again of your money and learn from the mistakes you have made - you are likely to treat money differently afterward as you will have no savings or any credit to rely on. Get Monday out of the way and go on holiday, (the best way to start a new debt-free life) make sure you enjoy it and forgive yourself.
All the best, Wendy.

sparkle83

this really is the worst bit, it all gets much better, and quite quickly. I'm just over 6 months in, and I rarely even think about it. Life does go on, and far better after BR than just before. Chin up, it'll be over soon

Tinytim

Stressedandconfused, I know it's easier to say than do, but please try not to worry about the interview. It will be fine

The last thing you need to worry about is presenting arguments in your favour. The examiner will have seen it all before, and really won't be interested in passing judgement or making you feel bad; simply answer the questions as best you can, and if you can't remember something, say you can't remember , they are well used to it. Robbing Peter to pay Paul is what the vast majority of us have done, and none of us have been put in stocks or chokey for it

One of the reasons we all feel so bad is because in a lot of cases we have endured years of creditors and their collection departments making us feel that way, and think and expect the OR to behave similarly - but they don't. In our local OR's office, the foyer is littered with posters saying how close they are to achieving their customer satisfaction target, and they are upfront in inviting complaints if you at all unhappy. More than any other government depart I have dealt with, the OR's office seemed the ones who most genuinely cared that they were treating their customers right.

As for feeling ashamed, don't. Your BR really will make no difference to your daughter at all I know it's hard, but when I start feeling ashamed or a failure, I simply ask myself whether the likes of Alan Sugar etc felt they were failures when they went BR - I suspect not

Jessica23_2

when you have filled in your forms all the OR person will do is basically ask you all the questions you have just filled in on the form! they do take quite a while as the write down all your answers, which is a bit pointless as you have already written it down for them. I was also dreading it, and it really isnt that bad and you will feel wierd afterwards but better. The best advice I could give you is to have something nice planned for afterwards, sounds like you have a good support system with your daughter and partner and thats whats important not money. good luck, and try not to worry to much.

money_penny_26

hi there jessica is correct in giving advice on thinking of a treat after the interview.i was dreading this bit the interview,but its the fear itself,when you actually see or speak to the o.r.i found mine to be reasonable an proffesional,they dont ask you anything you have not got the answers to anyway,an if you do forget some things they are used to this.once monday over you will feel so much better.go out after,somewhere you like to go,because the quicker the interview is over the sooner you will be there.also think to yourself as i did the o.r.has seen it all before an much more complexed cases than yours,an as said above we have all serviced debts an robbed peter to pay to paul...or we wouldnt be here b.r.would we. the nerves will settle once you start to speak... well done for getting this far penny xx

money_penny_26

just a little laugh to help you...embarrassment is when you have to go see a stuck up schoolteacher,who in class had asked the children to write an essay of what they had been doing in the holidays.my son was 8 at the time came home upset cos miss stuck up had shouted at him in class for a wrong spelling..i headed down to see miss stuck up,who had dared to shout at my little darling..only to be told that he not used the correct punctuation!! i said he is 8 years old what do you expect.she showed me his work,he had written that he had a good holiday an he wanted to go to the circus,but mummy told him that he !!!!!!!!!! now that was embarrasing. penny

money_penny_26

oops not been allowed but im sure you can guess what he had written it means he couldnt but he wrote the 4 letter word for this x

neverindebtagain

Do not beat yourself up, I know exactly what you have gone through, I kept the whole mess bottled up and my husband had no idea what and who I owed, I could have lost my marriage, but didnt.
I dont know when having manageable credit and spiralling credit happened. I always thought I could pay it off and looking back I was stupid to ever think I could. I went br 42 weeks ago and I have 10 weeks to AD, it has not been easy, but it is getting easier. I am happy one day and then I think what will come and spoil it but I have learnt that what ever happens I am stronger now and I can deal with it. Live your life for today, enjoy the simple things, be thankful you still have your partner and hug your 6 year old and realise that they can only take your material things, not your loved ones. You have not let anyone down, you should be proud you have regained control and asked for help.Well done.