How do you make OH understand?!

clairey_em

Hi all,

I know we've had some OH related threads before, but was hoping I could get some advice...

My OH, is generally really good with money. He spends very little and usually asks me before buying anything, particularly if it costs more than a tenner. He knows that I am now completely obsessed with sorting our finances out and we haven't got far to go. We have put our flat on the market, hopefully to move further out to an area which is better value for money and we could get a bigger place and start a family. We are also saving up for a car for OH too, our current one is my company car.

However, recently, he seems to think that we absolutely must attend every single social occasion going, and I am being a complete b**** for saying that we can't afford to go. We had a few 'words' last weekend where I basically told him that he wants to move house, get new car (well new to us anyway!) etc, can't have cake and eat it etc etc. He knows how hard I've been trying with our debts, so how can I make him understand without him going off on one about it??

I'm really not an evil witch, I do understand, although he's never used this as an excuse, but we are going to try for a baby in a couple of months time and therefore we ought to have a great summer etc etc, maybe I should lighten up??

also, I'm made to feel like I am looking up something seedy on the internet every time I log on the this website, like I'm doing something illegal!

any advice gratefully received

lynzpower

Sending you a hug, sounds like you need it.

I think the best thing to do is to listen to him & how hes feeling. It wouldnt be the first time that an OH is hemmed in by the whole DFW affair, maybe he just wants to feel normal. Summers here now, and it makes people that little bit more social. Cuddly nights in front of the tv are wearing thin for us at the moment.

Do you have nights out etc budgeted for?

southernscouser

Whats wrong with looking at seedy stuff on the internet?

Without sounding like even more of a perv why not suggest staying in and practising baby making when he wants to go out?

It will work! He's a bloke remember! :rolleyes: :rotfl:

clairey_em

Hi Lynz,

Yep I have budgetted for going out, £60 which is loads! but this has already gone due to a wedding evening do plus other various supposedly 'cheap' nights - at a bbq, round someone's house etc, and it's only 10th May! whole 2 weeks to go! we do have some money left over after all other things come out monthly but it seems to be disappearing fast, and we're supposed to be going out on sat for a leaving do for some friends who are emmigrating, so how can I say no!! very difficult... maybe things will quieten down for the rest of the month she said hopefully...

clairey em x

clairey_em

ss,

this does tend to work during the week (sometimes) when not completely knackered from work! will just have to work on it at the weekend!

xx

LookingAhead

Hi Clairey em.

I think lynz has a good point about giving your OH a chance to sit and say how he feels about everything. If you just sit and listen and don't butt in whilst he gets it all off his chest (it will be hard not to at times - you'll have to bite your lip!!) then he may feel better.

You can then I am sure, meet in middle ground after you again patiently (you can do it!) explain that money doesn't grow on trees and you are planning for a debt free future for you all.

Hopefully you two can acknowledge together the importance of going out and enjoying yourselves carefree whilst you can (and it is important to get out of course - for your own sanity) however you need to agree your social budget and plan accordingly....together.

Good luck hon - let us know how things go. Errr not on the 'practice' though - just the talk & the budgeting :eek: :rotfl:

calleyw

Rather than just tell him you can't afford it show him.

Get spreadsheets and bank statements and show him that if you spend X it means that you can't buy Y.

It is never easy when you are in debt. And to have a partner that is acting like a spoilt brat really does not help either.

As it has been said many times before you need a partner that is singing from the same hymn sheet. Other wise it makes it very hard for you.

I am not sure if you are both in debt or not. But if he is then he needs a light bulb moment. As it seems he has not had it yet.

I wish you all the best.


Yours


Calley

clairey_em

Lookingahead, thanks for your advice, really helpful! OH is actually quite hard to talk to about such issues and tends to clam up a bit, that makes him sound awful, which he isn't, he's wonderful, but sometimes quite hard to get him to discuss things. however, I will try! I do appreciate that we need to get out and enjoy carefree time together so will try to ease up too!

will keep you posted

thanks all x x

Mrs_Optimist

Clairey em, I agree the previous posts, you need to sit down and listen to your OH. I suspect that he is thinking "oh my god when a baby is here we will have NO social life for a while so lets make the most of our freedom now" (well thats what my OH thought anyway) - you will probably find that next month you will not have so many social events to go to, I find that nothing happens for ages and then we get loads of invites at once. Also now that the lighter evenings are comng it may be wise to allow a little more for the social budget to avoid conflict? In the winter months you don't feel like going out, but the first hint of sunshine and hey ho...

Good luck with your long-term goal.

clairey_em

I deal with our money, but am very open about it, our debts are joint, as is our bank account, he knows what we earn, what we have to pay out, what we've got left over etc but somehow it doesn't stop him getting a bit miffed when I get annoyed about going out. I think I do need to discuss it with him, about going out before we have a baby, and we are moving away from the area where most of our friends live so we won't exactly get all these invites to things. hmm think I may be realising what's going on! will show him spread sheet and take it from there...:rolleyes:

by the way, where is that thanks button?!!