I'm stressed

Pee

I'm sorry... oh, that doesn't sound so much fun. I think you should add that to your list of things to do, book holiday, without OH if he is being a nuisance.

With regard to the dinner, presumably the children can't help out with that - or hinder as much as they help - surely OH will do that if you ask?

How much do you have to do with the DIY? Is it worth getting someone in to help? Making a list and having the lovely feeling of checking it off is always a good idea. You are going to be so proud of yourself when you are finished.

aliasojo

He does cook sometimes but tbh, as far as I'm concerned that's only a drop in the ocean. Anyone can cook a meal, even if it's only sticking something on an oven tray to heat up. I need the kind of help he can't provide.

I am getting a joiner in to do things I can't/don't want to do.....like the stairs and 10 new doors. We have a limited budget though so I need to do a lot of the work myself.

What is annoying is that I had already laid a new floor and put up a new wall etc but then OH decided he wanted floor tiles and you can't lay tiles on a chipboard floor so it all had to come up.





Edit: I should add that OH leaves for work at 4am and is tired a lot, so it's not like he's doing nothing at all........it's just that he's doing nothing of worth in the house and I'm overwhelmed by it all. I do realise I'm moaning though.

Pee

Hang on. If you do all the work, surely you get all the say?

If I want something doing, my Oh who is a builder will do it, but he might do it a different way to how I first suggest - i.e. the washing machine went in a different place to where I wanted because it made sense with where the plumbing was.

You should be so proud of yourself.

What would you like your OH to do? If you asked him, would he do it?

aliasojo

Yes, I decide pretty much everything these days.

I would like my OH to be something he's not. Practical, capable and interested. It's always just 'I don't know'.

I wont ask him to do anything now because he just can't do it....I would just have to redo it at his back.

Could I borrow your husband please?

thatgirlsam

aliasjo.. you poor thing

i am also living in a bit of a building site - i have floors but not a lot else and i am waiting for things to be knocked out! lots of 1970's style brickwork in my living room!

i don't have an OH to do it .. i wish i did!!

i have to save up and beg borrow or steal

one thing i did though was to decorate the bedrooms first so i go and hide up there when i can't bear it any longer

my ds said to be a few weeks ago that when he is a man is he going to marry me so he can build me a house
bless him

i have a friend who lives with a builder , they are renovating a house and she has a hell of a time to get him to do anything , they bought the house 4 years ago and they still don't have a kitchen!!

another friend got so fed up with the roll of carpet in her hallway that her OH was supposed to lay , a year to the day she bought the carpet a birthday card and stood it on it .. when her hubby came through the door he saw it and the carpet got laid that weekend!!

galvanizersbaby

thatgirlsam wrote: »

aliasjo.. you poor thing

i am also living in a bit of a building site - i have floors but not a lot else and i am waiting for things to be knocked out! lots of 1970's style brickwork in my living room!

i don't have an OH to do it .. i wish i did!!

i have to save up and beg borrow or steal

one thing i did though was to decorate the bedrooms first so i go and hide up there when i can't bear it any longer

my ds said to be a few weeks ago that when he is a man is he going to marry me so he can build me a house
bless him

i have a friend who lives with a builder , they are renovating a house and she has a hell of a time to get him to do anything , they bought the house 4 years ago and they still don't have a kitchen!!

another friend got so fed up with the roll of carpet in her hallway that her OH was supposed to lay , a year to the day she bought the carpet a birthday card and stood it on it .. when her hubby came through the door he saw it and the carpet got laid that weekend!!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I remember back before I got married to ex who was a DIYer (pre the children) we brought a run down house to do up and sell - it needed everything doing
When we first got in I bleached the kitchen cupboards ready to put stuff in - went out to buy some basics and on return discovered that all cupboards had been ripped out and the kitchen had been gutted by OH and his friend in preparation for a new one.

So without kitchen had to set up microwave fridge etc.. in dining room
But then ex decided to hire a sander and start on parquet flooring in dining room/lounge while kitchen was slowly underway - dust everywhere for weeks.

The bathroom refurb ended up taking weeks and in that time I sadly miscarried our first baby so had to stay with mum (didn't want to go back to the house as had grown to hate it)

Eventually the house got finished bit by bit and ended up looking really good - one Saturday morning I went to the hairdressers and on return OH told me he had sold the house (it wasn't on the market but he had previously been an estate agent and had loads of contacts)

So just as it finally got habitable (I was pregnant with our first by this time) we moved in to another dive and the process started all over again :mad:

It is not always good to have a DIYer as an OH

Chin up AliasJo - you will get there in the end

londoner1998

mardatha wrote: »

Please listen to me LOL !! -
You sound so like I used to be... I always did everything and the OH used to hit the roof when things went wrong, say nothing when they went right, and criticize constantly.
I ran around doing everything in between working any jobs I could get, and was always stressed to hell. The kids would moan at their dad that "mum's always ratty" and he (the sod ) would sit there and agree and sympathize with them.
I gave up the chance to do SRN nurse training, which I'd always wanted to do, because I could picture me on a late then an early, shattered, and piles of washing/ironing/sick kids lying around the house not getting done.
Then one day, something snapped. I was working 2 jobs, one early morning cleaning and one weekend nights nursing. He was on the dole and was being SO bl**dy picky about taking a job - and there were plenty jobs then . SO I packed it all in, I left both jobs and he went mad. I said I HAVE HAD ENOUGH !!! And, after a few weeks of living on soup and rice puddings, he got a job !!
I learned from that - if you do everything then they will sit back and let you :rolleyes: Now I have bad ME, and I honestly think its because I was always so busy, so stressed, so tired, that now in my 50s I have run out of steam. And I wouldnt wish this illness on anybody, so MAKE CHANGES TO YOUR LIFE NOW before it affects your health. You need strong willpower, but it will change the way your life/marriage goes. Just learn to sit back and sit it out..:cool: Psychological warfare LOL !

Please, listen to Mardatha, she is sooo right... I am one of those who ended up who chronic fatigue because of wanting to do everything everytime and be everywhere and be superwoman and keep the job and get the promotion and not taking time to bereave and also dealing with OH's problems when he didn't even ask... I can't tell you how frustrating it is to one day (2nd January 2008) wake up and realise your body has no energy left to get out of bed... it is very scary and it takes a very long time and a lot of lifestyle changes to go back to some sort of normal energy levels...which are somehow never the same again, you always have to be watching yourself and making sure fatigue and stress don't sneak up on you.
I know you have a deadline, but try to take it one step at a time.
I think your anger towards your OH is a different issue separate form the move and you will need to deal with it too... just don't do it now, try to focus on finding positive, practical solutions to your mamooth project...

londoner1998

aliasojo wrote: »

Yes, I decide pretty much everything these days.

I would like my OH to be something he's not. Practical, capable and interested. It's always just 'I don't know'.

I wont ask him to do anything now because he just can't do it....I would just have to redo it at his back.

Could I borrow your husband please?

I know what you mean (I have to re-do the washing up half of the time), but have you thought that may be because of your criticism he has decided he is better off not doing anything at all? May be letting him to do things 'his' way to start with could help? I have been in your situation and to want to have everything our way (ie, the right way) is self-defeating, because we always end up doing eveything ourselves.
If you want him to pitch in, you need to let him do it his way, you need to compromise and accept that your way is not the only way. He will not want to do anything if he feels constantly criticised (and I say 'feel' because that ight be his reality, but not yours). The easy way out is to let you get on with it, as he knows you will
It is a choice, a hard one, but I believe that step by step you can get him to do stuff around the house if only you start by encouraging his efforts. It will be difficult to start with if you are used to doing it your way, but much more realxed in the long run -I am going through that and last night I was very pleased when I got home and the washing up was done, mostly at least and the rubbish bn had been cleaned at some point in my absence- I was relived I didn;t have even more work to do and he was proud that I appreaciated his efforts

Superwomen who can do it all, end up doing it all, because the OH knows we can!!

Pee

Is there other stuff he could do to help if he really can't do DIY? (I would be so incapable, I'm really impressed.)

The warnings about ME do sound serious, though. Can you divide between what needs to be done and what can be done later, or would living in in part done just keep your stress levels high?

foxy-roxy

Hmm this reminds me, my OH put flooring down upstairs and we ran out with just a little bit left in the spare room, went and got another pack of wood and........it's still sat there. :mad:He hasn't even gone out to get the beading yet:mad:
Words will be had when i get home:rotfl: