I'm stressed

aliasojo

Seriously, seriously stressed.

I'm also very embarrassed as I've just (unintentionally) bounced a cheque and I just KNOW the person thinks I'm making excuses.

So either leave now or pin your ears back cos I need to rant to get it out my system otherwise it'll weigh heavy and I'll be mortified all day.

We've moved out, on a temporary basis only (unfortunately :rolleyes:). The bathroom refurb has caused me so many problems I'm about ready to scream. OH is useless at DIY, everything is 'that'll do'. He glazes over at the mere mention of anything house related and I'm left to deal with the lot.......everything from what to buy to how to pay for it and how to do it. We've had huge delivery delays because of our location, and certain things have arrived either damaged or have been wrong and have had to be returned.

Our pc died a while ago and the hard drive has loads of financial stuff on it that I need. Did I back up? Nope. :rolleyes: I forgot to pay the tv licence, my MOT is due (very possibly overdue as I can't get near the filing cabinet to find out because of all the stuff that's stored in the room...BIG stuff I can't move).

I have 8'x 4' sheets of inch thick ply that I have to manhandle and cut. I can barely lift one end. OH and eldest tried to help last night but both lost the rag and were in a mood within moments and the atmosphere was bad to say the least so I'm better getting on with it myself. Slowly. :rolleyes:

The holiday rental place phoned me this morning to say my cheque had bounced....turned out I had written a cheque from an old book that had been cancelled due to an acount change and as I very very rarely write cheques, I'd forgotten all about this and just used the first book that came to hand. This is really bothering me as I always pay my bills and pride myself on never having situations where I owe people money. I know someone who never pays on time and makes constant excuses.....and I just know I sound like her, even although this was a genuine error and I immediately sent them payment by the Faster Payment service instead. :rolleyes:

OH had a go at eldest the other day because he's stressed out too and he snapped because eldest was playing the XBox whilst OH cant get time to do the same right now. :rolleyes: Petty jealousy is not an attractive quality....I came close to walking out at that point.

I hate (in fact I'll rephrase that).....I HATE my life. I hate that I'm 'it' all the time. I hate that my OH hates DIY, I hate that I have to sort stuff, find tradesmen, smooth the family squabbles, be the person in the firing line if it goes wrong. I hate that I spend more time dressed in work clothes than I do normal clothes. I hate that I can't sleep because my mind wont switch off, I hate that the youngest usually leaves for school amidst a stressed out atmosphere because we're running late because I slept in. OH hates the situation too but he deals with sod all and gets away out of it to work every day. :rolleyes:

Where the hell's the White Knight when you need him?!

signed
a very, very p*ssed off aliasojo.





Thank you.....I feel slightly better.:o

mummy_Jay

We all get stressed at times, just rememebr when you get to the other side, it's you that gets to boast about all your hard workd and be proud of the finished product.

Don't worry about the bounced cheque, we all make mistakes and you delt with it quickly, so they wont mind.

As your OH doesn't have the DIY gene, does he have the cooking and tidying up gene instead? it only seems fair your your doing the DIY and fianances for the family, for him to do the cooking and tidying up.

As for the xbox arguement, how about taking the fuse out the plug for a while.

Try having a little time out before you go to bed, try and find a tv show or book, something to take over your thoughts. I would have said a hot bath to help you relax but as its your bathroom being refurbed wasn't sure you had the option.

aliasojo

I dont think it's fair to stop son from playing the x box tbh, he has disabilities so it's not like he can do much to help with the diy anyway. He didn't ask for all this to go on, he plays no part in the decision making so there's no reason whyhe shouldn't stay out of the way on his xbox imo. OH is just being a petty prat.

And I've just got the youngest sent home from school ill ten minutes ago, so that's another day stuffed.

alwaysonthego_2

Arrraaahhh I know how you feel.

Everything happens at the same time.

My DH is good at DIY but it maddens me he is a perfectionist so it takes him ages to do a simple job.

He has just finished our kitchen off after getting a new kitchen five years ago.

Grab a coffee and a mag and put your feet up!

((big hugs))

Pee

Hey... you sound bright, organised and pretty much in control. Yes, you are taking on a lot, so not surprisingly it gets a bit on top of you, but sounds like you have it all in hand really, which is why Oh is relaxed. He knows that you can do it.

You have sorted the holiday problem - and we could all do that, half the time I can't find my cheque book - and you have a holiday to look forward to.

I'm glad you had a rant, but you also have lots of positives when you are ready to remember them!

londoner1998

aliasojo wrote: »

Seriously, seriously stressed.

I'm also very embarrassed as I've just (unintentionally) bounced a cheque and I just KNOW the person thinks I'm making excuses.

So either leave now or pin your ears back cos I need to rant to get it out my system otherwise it'll weigh heavy and I'll be mortified all day.

We've moved out, on a temporary basis only (unfortunately :rolleyes:). The bathroom refurb has caused me so many problems I'm about ready to scream. OH is useless at DIY, everything is 'that'll do'. He glazes over at the mere mention of anything house related and I'm left to deal with the lot.......everything from what to buy to how to pay for it and how to do it. We've had huge delivery delays because of our location, and certain things have arrived either damaged or have been wrong and have had to be returned.

Our pc died a while ago and the hard drive has loads of financial stuff on it that I need. Did I back up? Nope. :rolleyes: I forgot to pay the tv licence, my MOT is due (very possibly overdue as I can't get near the filing cabinet to find out because of all the stuff that's stored in the room...BIG stuff I can't move).

I have 8'x 4' sheets of inch thick ply that I have to manhandle and cut. I can barely lift one end. OH and eldest tried to help last night but both lost the rag and were in a mood within moments and the atmosphere was bad to say the least so I'm better getting on with it myself. Slowly. :rolleyes:

The holiday rental place phoned me this morning to say my cheque had bounced....turned out I had written a cheque from an old book that had been cancelled due to an acount change and as I very very rarely write cheques, I'd forgotten all about this and just used the first book that came to hand. This is really bothering me as I always pay my bills and pride myself on never having situations where I owe people money. I know someone who never pays on time and makes constant excuses.....and I just know I sound like her, even although this was a genuine error and I immediately sent them payment by the Faster Payment service instead. :rolleyes:

OH had a go at eldest the other day because he's stressed out too and he snapped because eldest was playing the XBox whilst OH cant get time to do the same right now. :rolleyes: Petty jealousy is not an attractive quality....I came close to walking out at that point.

I hate (in fact I'll rephrase that).....I HATE my life. I hate that I'm 'it' all the time. I hate that my OH hates DIY, I hate that I have to sort stuff, find tradesmen, smooth the family squabbles, be the person in the firing line if it goes wrong. I hate that I spend more time dressed in work clothes than I do normal clothes. I hate that I can't sleep because my mind wont switch off, I hate that the youngest usually leaves for school amidst a stressed out atmosphere because we're running late because I slept in. OH hates the situation too but he deals with sod all and gets away out of it to work every day. :rolleyes:

Where the hell's the White Knight when you need him?!

signed
a very, very p*ssed off aliasojo.





Thank you.....I feel slightly better.:o

Hello Aliasojo...
I sympathise, you seem surrounded by chaos and I would also be out of my mind within hours. BUt, first things first- you need to take practical steps. It seems it all is getting on top of you, so you need to stop and think and more importantly take a deep breath. Let's look at the situation and break it down in small pieces so that you can tackle them one by one, ok??

1) Bounced cheque- forget about that one- you paid it though the Fast Payment system and thatis takne care of. Don't dwell on what they might/'might not think- you forgot about that closed account and as soon as you relaised, you rectified the mistake. That's delat with, check :beer:

2) PC trouble/bills, etc... - is there a way you can access this file in a quiet moment, may be when OH is at work, with help form one of your sons? If not, can you ring the bank or the TV licence/car company and get an update? Then you can either arrnage payment by S/O or do it straight away over the phone or send a cheque. As soon as you know where you are , you'll feel more in control. Make a list of whatever is oustanding and tick off as you go along.

3) OH being a t**t- forget about it- tell him, in a quiet moment, that if he is not going to help, you can do it on your own, but he can take his bad mood elsewhere. If he gets snappy and starts getting to you, go out for a walk or a coffee with a good book or magazine and take your child with you if you feel he is being unfair. Being left by himself when in that mood might show him how unpleasant his attitude is to other people. Don't spend your energy in trying to get him to switch off that mood, it will only get to you if you are feeling stressed yourself. The more you tell him to get off the X-Box, the more he will want to be on it. Just ignore him if he doesn't listen and afterwards, in a quiet moment, when you regain your composture, tell him in unequivocal terms that this is a team effort and he is either in or out ('in oder aus', as Bruno would say ), is up to him. But if he is out, you need to know so that you can plan around the whole thing.

3) Plan the tasks in stages, and tick off as you go along. In between , take time off to go out with a friend or by yourself, dress nicely and put make- up on, catch a good movie (take you out of your own life) or anything you enjoy (a concert, a play or even browse in a bookshop, whatever floats your boat).

4) as mummy_Jay suggested, take time out for yourself before bedtime- take a glass of hot milk or read a good book.
The refurbishment can wait - you are first and you need to recharge.
i woudl say, try and get out of the house a bit every day to get some perspective. And don't worry, this is stressful by nature, just break it down in small chunks and give yourself something to loook forward to!

aliasojo

Thanks all.

Pee...just to clarify, it's a holiday place beside us that we're renting as we had to move out because we had no bathroom...it's not a holiday we're going on iyswim. I drive home every day to put youngest into school and then come to the house to do work, then drive back to the holiday home to do dinner etc.

And I know I'm feeling sorry for myself...but I'm struggling to find more than a very small handful of positives. If anything this situation has brought to a head, all that is wrong with my life.

Just call me Shirley. :rotfl:


(Valentine. )

mardatha

Please listen to me LOL !! -
You sound so like I used to be... I always did everything and the OH used to hit the roof when things went wrong, say nothing when they went right, and criticize constantly.
I ran around doing everything in between working any jobs I could get, and was always stressed to hell. The kids would moan at their dad that "mum's always ratty" and he (the sod ) would sit there and agree and sympathize with them.
I gave up the chance to do SRN nurse training, which I'd always wanted to do, because I could picture me on a late then an early, shattered, and piles of washing/ironing/sick kids lying around the house not getting done.
Then one day, something snapped. I was working 2 jobs, one early morning cleaning and one weekend nights nursing. He was on the dole and was being SO bl**dy picky about taking a job - and there were plenty jobs then . SO I packed it all in, I left both jobs and he went mad. I said I HAVE HAD ENOUGH !!! And, after a few weeks of living on soup and rice puddings, he got a job !!
I learned from that - if you do everything then they will sit back and let you :rolleyes: Now I have bad ME, and I honestly think its because I was always so busy, so stressed, so tired, that now in my 50s I have run out of steam. And I wouldnt wish this illness on anybody, so MAKE CHANGES TO YOUR LIFE NOW before it affects your health. You need strong willpower, but it will change the way your life/marriage goes. Just learn to sit back and sit it out..:cool: Psychological warfare LOL !

inspector_monkfish

aliasojo wrote: »

Seriously, seriously stressed.

I'm also very embarrassed as I've just (unintentionally) bounced a cheque and I just KNOW the person thinks I'm making excuses.

So either leave now or pin your ears back cos I need to rant to get it out my system otherwise it'll weigh heavy and I'll be mortified all day.

We've moved out, on a temporary basis only (unfortunately :rolleyes:). The bathroom refurb has caused me so many problems I'm about ready to scream. OH is useless at DIY, everything is 'that'll do'. He glazes over at the mere mention of anything house related and I'm left to deal with the lot.......everything from what to buy to how to pay for it and how to do it. We've had huge delivery delays because of our location, and certain things have arrived either damaged or have been wrong and have had to be returned.

Our pc died a while ago and the hard drive has loads of financial stuff on it that I need. Did I back up? Nope. :rolleyes: I forgot to pay the tv licence, my MOT is due (very possibly overdue as I can't get near the filing cabinet to find out because of all the stuff that's stored in the room...BIG stuff I can't move).

I have 8'x 4' sheets of inch thick ply that I have to manhandle and cut. I can barely lift one end. OH and eldest tried to help last night but both lost the rag and were in a mood within moments and the atmosphere was bad to say the least so I'm better getting on with it myself. Slowly. :rolleyes:

The holiday rental place phoned me this morning to say my cheque had bounced....turned out I had written a cheque from an old book that had been cancelled due to an acount change and as I very very rarely write cheques, I'd forgotten all about this and just used the first book that came to hand. This is really bothering me as I always pay my bills and pride myself on never having situations where I owe people money. I know someone who never pays on time and makes constant excuses.....and I just know I sound like her, even although this was a genuine error and I immediately sent them payment by the Faster Payment service instead. :rolleyes:

OH had a go at eldest the other day because he's stressed out too and he snapped because eldest was playing the XBox whilst OH cant get time to do the same right now. :rolleyes: Petty jealousy is not an attractive quality....I came close to walking out at that point.

I hate (in fact I'll rephrase that).....I HATE my life. I hate that I'm 'it' all the time. I hate that my OH hates DIY, I hate that I have to sort stuff, find tradesmen, smooth the family squabbles, be the person in the firing line if it goes wrong. I hate that I spend more time dressed in work clothes than I do normal clothes. I hate that I can't sleep because my mind wont switch off, I hate that the youngest usually leaves for school amidst a stressed out atmosphere because we're running late because I slept in. OH hates the situation too but he deals with sod all and gets away out of it to work every day. :rolleyes:

Where the hell's the White Knight when you need him?!

signed
a very, very p*ssed off aliasojo.





Thank you.....I feel slightly better.:o

Do u have a rampant rabbit? It may be able to help ;)

aliasojo

londoner1998 wrote: »

1) Bounced cheque- forget about that one- you paid it though the Fast Payment system and thatis takne care of. Don't dwell on what they might/'might not think- you forgot about that closed account and as soon as you relaised, you rectified the mistake. That's delat with, check :beer:

Ok. I actually feel a bit better about that one just because I 'explained' myself out loud iyswim.

2) PC trouble/bills, etc... - is there a way you can access this file in a quiet moment,

Not got a hope. I sorted the tv licence as I had an old email from last year with the number on it so I did it online. It's just the mot I have no idea about.

3) The more you tell him to get off the X-Box, the more he will want to be on it.

He's not actually on the xbox...that's what he's moaning about, he hasn't played it in weeks and he misses it. That's why he got annoyed when he saw eldest playing...hence the 'petty jealousy' comment I made.


3) Plan the tasks in stages, and tick off as you go along. In between , take time off to go out with a friend or by yourself, dress nicely and put make- up on, catch a good movie (take you out of your own life) or anything you enjoy (a concert, a play or even browse in a bookshop, whatever floats your boat).

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Thanks, I know you mean well but I'm fighting against the clock as it it. I have so much to do before we have to move back in here that there will be no 'personal' time.

Thanks....just moaning is helping. I'm going to try to post a pic of the room we laughingly call a bathroom so you can see what I'm up against.

aliasojo

inspector_monkfish wrote: »

Do u have a rampant rabbit? It may be able to help ;)

You're assuming I'd have enough energy and interest left to switch it on. :D