Got to stop!

Zerocool_3

First post, figured here would be a good place to ask for advice. Just trying to find the right time. Trying to keep it from my girlfriend.
Basically in more debt than i want to be and my girlfriend thinks that it all got paid off by our wedding fund from my parents. It did pay a large chunk but since then i've been living above my means and just keep piling it on the credit cards. I should say that all the money has really gone on giving my girlfriend and 2 year old son some enjoyment in life.
But the time has come for it to stop and i feel i'm in such a rut that i cant see any light at the end of the tunnel. Cant confide in my girlfriend because i know it would end our already fragile relationship. It is starting to really get me down but dont know which way to turn.
Hoping someone can help. Thanks.

rachel6188

hi and sorry you are feeling so down my best advice would be post a statement of affairs so somebody can help you.
im not really good with debts but i wanted to let you know people are here for you.
take care
rach x

imamoneysaver

can you post an soa so we can try and help you with your finances, im not sure how to post the link but someone smarter than me will be along soon to tell you!

Ames

I really think you're going to have to tell your girlfriend. You're going to have to stop the overspending, and she's bound to notice that. Although it's usually better to tell partners once you've got a plan sorted out for how to repay it.

As the others have said, post your statement of affairs (all your income and outgoings), and people can advise you better. There's a template here:

http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

Justicenpeace

Hi Zerocool,

I'm a newbie too, so can't offer the kind of insight that the more experienced peeps can. However, I just wanted to say sorry that you're having a horrible time; keeping these things a secret creates its own additional problems. The thing is, it is quite possible that your OH may sense that something is 'up'. If she asks, perhaps that may be avenue for your to begin to have a conversation with her about this?

You say that, for the most part, the money has been spent on your girlfriend and her son and wanting them to have some enjoyment in life. (You sound like a very caring person.) It's not necessary to spend the earth to enjoy the time you all spend together; many threads by the nice folk on this board demonstrate this. Perhaps your girlfriend has had a tough time and you have been trying to make things better for her? I say this because using the phrase trying to give 'some enjoyment in life' suggests she's been lacking it in the past? It's very likely that, for her, your love for her and her son is much more important than having more than you can afford spent on them. Your relationship need not end. But bottling this all up is likely to undermine it rather than resolve it; people often pull away from those they love if they want to keep things from them.

As for the wedding fund, more important than the wedding is the marriage: the relationship. If you can talk about this you may be able to get through this together and make your marriage stronger in future.

Good luck and best wishes.

thefoolonthehill

hi

dont want to seem harsh and apologise if i do.

Should you really be getting married if your relationship is already really fragile?

A friend of mine got married when his relationship was on the rocks. prior to the big day we sat down and he didnt want to get married but as the date was set he felt he couldnt back out. the result was a marriage that lasted 6 months and cost him so much.

My advice would be to speak to CCCS then tell her about it. At least she will see that you are taking positive steps to get out of debt

Good luck!