where do i start?

riley_dn2

So, I am not trying to make excuses for myself here but need to tell the whole story.
I owe approx £35,000 in loans and credit cards due to my partner and i having a whale of a time whilst dating and yes it was all in my name as he couldn't get credit, and I was paying all bills on time and everything was going swimmingly.
Cut to the day we get married, he cut up all my cards, took control of my bank account and stopped paying my bills. I went to citazens advice to see if there was any way to pay it without him knowing and was on payment plans which i was sticking to by paying out of our food shopping money. ( the only money I was allowed).
He did however find out and took all money off me. So for approx 2 years i haven't paid a penny off my debts.

Finally, he left me and our 2 children so am currently back in control of my life! I have no idea of who I now owe money to, nor do I have any reference numbers. I would like to start paying this back but am now a single parent of 2, currently living on benefits and wonder where I stand on going forward with payment plans etc?
Any help would be much appreciated.
Jenny

Tixy

Hi Jenny and welcome to MSE.

I would suggest you do a couple of things as a starting point, first put together a financial statment of affairs showing your income and expenditure (You'll probably have to leave the debt sections blank for now). http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

Get copies of your credit reports from all 3 debt agencies (£2 each for the statutory postal report or you can joing free trials for experian & equifax but make sure you remember to cancel before they charge you). This will give you some idea of who you owe money to, whether you have CCJs and defaults.

Go back to citizens advice and explain the situation and ask for advice, they will help you again if they know the full details.

Is your scumbag ex husband paying you any maintenace? I'd imagine citizens advice will help with that as well.

Are you divorcing him? Will you get a finanical settlement.

You may not have enough spare money to do a debt management plan (usually they like you have £100 to repay to debts each month) but if you don't have that they will help you with some letters offering token payments of maybe £1 to each debt per month, until you are in a better position financially.

Its not easy to pick yourself up after someone has treated you so badly and controlled your life but remember although it will be hard you are better off without him.

Good luck

poorandindenial

Hi hun

Congrats for making it through the other side of that, he sounds like a complete git!

Well done for posting here, there will be a way through this and we can offer you support all the way. The first thing you need to do is get a handle on where you are at. Do you know who has your debts now and what the current balances are??

If possible complete a statement of affairs (handy calculator at https://www.makesenseofcards.com) and that will help you see where you are on a month to month basis. This will help you see where you are AND will be really useful if/when you contact a debt support charity (NEVER pay for debt help, i am really happy you used CAB last time) and if you post here we can help you to find ways to make your money go a little further although it sounds like you might already be an expert at that..

There is always a solution to debt, it may be a long hard slog but you will get there

Good luck

riley_dn2

Thanks for your replys. Nice to know it's not a totally hopeless case!
There is one more twist to this sorry tale though and to be honest it petrifies me!
He opened a bank account for me in my married name and lied on the application, I didn't know this until recently but it makes me feel sick to even think about it and am worried it could get me into trouble!

I wont divorce him yet. I wont get anything for it and i'm sure if i initiate it, he'll make it hard!

I really do appreciate advice

poorandindenial

Don't worry too much about the account, I think it is safe to say that you acted under a high degree of duress. did you actually sign the form or did he? what sort of lie are we talking about?

You can very likely just count it as one of your other debts and bundle it in for sorting out. what sort of state is it in at the moment?

riley_dn2

He lied about me having a previous surname. I presume i wouldn't have got a current account any other way?
It's not in bad nick. Am currently up to £500 overdraft limit due to me paying electric and gas bills which are in his name name but don't want to get cut off!
He also applied for a credit card in my married name (capital one) so I presume he lied for that too. There is only 155 on that though so shouldn't take too long to pay off.

I did sign the forms myself. He applied for everything online and sent off my docs etc. But I did actually sign my own name although at the time i didn't know there were any untruths.

BeautyandtheBeast_3

Hi, i think personally you need to divorce him and move on with your life. You will gain out of it - you - who you are and your freedom. Having been with a ntrolling ex husband i know how hard it is to break free but i can tell you once its done its like a huge weight lifted off your shoulders. As with the divorce - he wont be able to make it difficult for you especially if you are the petitioner and with the controlling behaviour he has displayed (unreasonable behaviour) if you want to chat about it just PM me. Good luck - the only way is up xxxxxx